OMG what a *****!!!!11!

 

A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time everyone come out and he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car. After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on, then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally, when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away. The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00. The patrolman was dumbfounded. "This equipment must be broken!" he exclaimed. "I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I am the designated decoy!"

 

owned

 

So, three pieces of rope walk into a bar. They sit down, and one piece walks up to the bar to order the first round. The bartender politely tells the piece of rope "Sorry, we don't serve pieces of rope around here." The piece of rope walks back to his friends and tells them whats up. One of the other pieces of rope gets mad and walks up to the bar to order the first round. The bartender says "Look, I already told your friend over there, we don't serve pieces of rope round here." So, as he's walking back to the table with no drinks, the third piece of rope stands up, ties himself into a figure eight, and loosens the ends of himself. He walks up to the bartender and the bartender asks "You ain't a piece of rope, are you?" and the rope replies, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot"

yuk yuk yuk

 

Q: Why don't the British make computers?

A: Because they haven't figured out a way to make them leak oil.

 

A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says "why the long face"?

A horse walks in to a bar and says "ow"

 

I had a house with a conversation pit, but I sold it.


It was just too much pressure!


(teehee)

 

Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes,charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs.She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

 

I don't get it.

 

the horse colided with a bar.

 

This duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?"

The bartender says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender again says no, and the duck leaves.

The day after that, the duck walks in the bar again and asks the bartender "Do you have any grapes?"

The bartender, losing his patience, screams at the duck, "I told you duck, I don't have any grapes and if you ask me again I will nail your feet to the floor!!"

The duck looked startled and leaves.

Two days later the duck returns walks up to the bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any nails?"

The bartender replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?

 

This is as far as I get before my brain shut down and diverted blood flow.

 

dude your ****in disgusting you ****in paki!!!!!!! LOL!!!!

 

good stuff!! KEEP THEM COMING!!

 

dude your fuqin distgusting you fuqin paki!! LMAO!!!