dz

iTrader: (9)

If we are going to be bringing back old threads, at least make them worthwile threads such as this. Oh yeah, and bring back Ali G while you're at it...



So this old couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would rattle the windows and wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband wake up with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said,

"Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.

dz

iTrader: (9)

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked,

"Sir, what will you have".

The man thought a moment then replied, "A martini please".

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.

The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ".

The man answered "Oh, about 164."

The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, Interstellar space travel, the latest medical break-through's, etc.


The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat.

Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have.

"A martini please".

Again it was superb. The robot again asked.

"What is your IQ sir".

This time the man answered, "Oh, about 100".

The robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this weekend.


The guy had to try it one more time. He left, returned and took a stool. Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ".

This time the man drawled out, "Uh... about 50".

The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked...

A-r-e.........
y-o-u-r.........
p-e-o-p-l-e..........
r-e-a-l-l-y..........
g-o-i-n-g...........
t-o........
n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e..........
H-i-l-l-a-r-y-?????

T-Will

iTrader: (3)

That was a worthy bump.

jvick125

iTrader: (2)

That was hilarious.... but I think 100IQ is a bit high for a nascar fan.

GT35 STI

iTrader: (6)

> A wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the
>> costume > party alone.
>> >
>> > He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she
> argued and said she
> was
>> > going to take some aspirin and go to bed.
>> >
>> > So he took his costume and went.
>> >
>> > The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an
> hour woke without
> pain
>> > decided go to the party.
>> >
>> > As her husband didn't know what her costume was,
> she thought she
> would
>> > have some fun by watching her husband to see how
> he acted when she
> was
>> > not with him.
>> >
>> > She joined the party and soon spotted her husband
> in his costume on
> the
>> > dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he
> could and copping a
>> little > feel here and a little kiss there.
>> >
>> > She went up to him and being a rather seductive
> woman herself, he
> left
>> > his new partner high and dry and devoted his time
> to her.
>> >
>> > She let him go as far as he wished, naturally,
> since he was her
>> husband.
>> >
>> >
>> > After more drinks he finally whispered a little
> proposition in her
> ear
>> > and she agreed, so off they went to one of the
> cars and made
> passionate
>> > love in the back seat.
>> >
>> > Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped
> away and went home
> and
>> > put the costume away and got into bed, wondering
> what kind of >
>> explanation he would make up for his outrageous
> behavior.
>> >
>> > She was sitting up reading when he came in, so
> she asked did he
> have a
>> > good time.
>> >
>> > "Oh, the same old thing, you know I never have a
> good time when
> you're
>> > not there."
>> >
>> > Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
>> >
>> > He replied, "I never even danced one dance. When
> I got there, I met
>
>> > Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went
> into the spare
> room
>> and
>> > played poker all evening."
>> >
>> > "You must have looked really silly wearing that
> costume playing
> poker
>> > all night." she said with sarcasm.
>> >
>> > To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave
> my costume to your
>
>> > brother apparently he had the time of his life.

GT35 STI

iTrader: (6)

What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car?









Robin get in the car





Why are blondes more fun?









Cuz you can tell them the same joke twice





Whats noiser than one cat stuck in a tree?










Two cats




Q. What do you call a man with a piece of wood on his head?
A. Ed Wood.
Q. What do you call a man with two pieces of wood on his head?
A. Edward Wood.
Q. What do you call a man with three pieces of wood on his head?
A. Edward Woodward.
Q. What do you call a man with four pieces of wood on his head?
A. I don't know, but Edward Woodward would.





Why are blondes more fun?









Cuz you can tell them the same joke twice


Some lame jokes to bring back an awesome thread... one that had ZERO relevance to the SRIC, but yet was entertaining... Something that draws peope to want to visit