bad joke thread
08-29-2007, 03:57 PM
#1
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bad joke thread
From the horrendously bad to ones that make you feel guilty for laughing. lets hear it
i'll start
Three rabbis were sitting in a Chinese restaurant, talking about relatives overseas, when one of the rabbis stated that there must be Jews all over the world in practically every country. Surely there must be some in a country the size of China! So they call the waiter over and ask him politely, thinking that he could answer their question.
"Excuse me, but we have an odd question."
"Yes?"
"Umm.... are there any Chinese Jews."
"Hang on. I go ask."
The waiter then walked back, talking to the manager and the folks back in the kitchen, and came back a few minutes later.
"Sorry. No Chinese Jews."
The rabbis were taken aback by this.
"Are you SURE about that?"
"Yes."
"How can you be so sure?"
The waiter was getting frustrated by now, so he yelled at the rabbis...
"We have apple Jews, orange Jews, and cranberry Jews. No Chinese Jews!"
i'll start
Three rabbis were sitting in a Chinese restaurant, talking about relatives overseas, when one of the rabbis stated that there must be Jews all over the world in practically every country. Surely there must be some in a country the size of China! So they call the waiter over and ask him politely, thinking that he could answer their question.
"Excuse me, but we have an odd question."
"Yes?"
"Umm.... are there any Chinese Jews."
"Hang on. I go ask."
The waiter then walked back, talking to the manager and the folks back in the kitchen, and came back a few minutes later.
"Sorry. No Chinese Jews."
The rabbis were taken aback by this.
"Are you SURE about that?"
"Yes."
"How can you be so sure?"
The waiter was getting frustrated by now, so he yelled at the rabbis...
"We have apple Jews, orange Jews, and cranberry Jews. No Chinese Jews!"
08-29-2007, 03:59 PM
#2
A Kentucky couple, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband 'fixed'.
The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them 'What finally made them make the decision, and why after nine children, would they choose to do this? '
The husband replied that they had heard about a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.
The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them 'What finally made them make the decision, and why after nine children, would they choose to do this? '
The husband replied that they had heard about a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.
08-29-2007, 04:04 PM
#4
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So there's 2 muffins in an oven. One muffin looks over to the other and says "Holy **** it's hot in here!". The other muffin turns around and says "Holy ****! A talking muffin!"
08-29-2007, 04:06 PM
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An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods.
Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back,
a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.
Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured
it over the little guy, reviving him.
"Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.
"I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says.
"Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so
whaddya want?"
"Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I
don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize."
And the golfer walks off.
"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself.
I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I
would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a
fantastic sex life."
A year goes by (as it does in stories like this) and the American
golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the
woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
"Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says.
"I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"
"My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. I'm an internationally
famous golfer now." He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're all
right."
"Oh, I'm fine now, thankye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know.
And tell me, how's yer money situation?"
"Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. "When I need cash, I
just reach in my pocket and pull out $100.00 bills I didn't even know
were there!"
"I did that fer ye also." And tell me, how's yer sex life?"
The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says
shyly, "It's OK."
"C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun , "I'm wanting to know if I
did a good job. How many times a week?"
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once,
sometimes twice a week."
"What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Only once or
twice a week?"
"Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic
priest in a small parish."
Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back,
a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.
Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured
it over the little guy, reviving him.
"Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.
"I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says.
"Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so
whaddya want?"
"Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I
don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize."
And the golfer walks off.
"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself.
I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I
would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a
fantastic sex life."
A year goes by (as it does in stories like this) and the American
golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the
woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
"Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says.
"I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"
"My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. I'm an internationally
famous golfer now." He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're all
right."
"Oh, I'm fine now, thankye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know.
And tell me, how's yer money situation?"
"Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. "When I need cash, I
just reach in my pocket and pull out $100.00 bills I didn't even know
were there!"
"I did that fer ye also." And tell me, how's yer sex life?"
The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says
shyly, "It's OK."
"C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun , "I'm wanting to know if I
did a good job. How many times a week?"
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once,
sometimes twice a week."
"What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Only once or
twice a week?"
"Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic
priest in a small parish."
08-29-2007, 04:08 PM
#6
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So, a man walks up to the side of a tall cliff to find a child crying all alone.
"What's wrong, why are you crying?" the man asked.
"Well", sniffed the boy, "We stopped here because my dad wanted a nice picture of us near this cliff, but he got too close and lost his balance. As he fell my mom tried to grab him and she got pulled over also.
My sister tried to save mom, but they were too heavy and they all went over the side. They all died and now I am all alone." cried the boy.
"Wow" said the man as he dropped his pants, "Today is just not your day, is it"?
"What's wrong, why are you crying?" the man asked.
"Well", sniffed the boy, "We stopped here because my dad wanted a nice picture of us near this cliff, but he got too close and lost his balance. As he fell my mom tried to grab him and she got pulled over also.
My sister tried to save mom, but they were too heavy and they all went over the side. They all died and now I am all alone." cried the boy.
"Wow" said the man as he dropped his pants, "Today is just not your day, is it"?
08-29-2007, 04:24 PM
#7
so there's these two eggs sitting in a frying pan. one egg turns to the other and asks, are you cooked yet. the other egg screams, oh my god a talking egg.
so there's these two oranges sitting in the fridge. one orange turns to the other and asks, are you ripe yet. the other orange screams, oh my god a talking orange.
so there's these two
so there's these two oranges sitting in the fridge. one orange turns to the other and asks, are you ripe yet. the other orange screams, oh my god a talking orange.
so there's these two
08-29-2007, 04:29 PM
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It's April 1st, a man and woman are in the hospital giving birth to their first child. Thet've got a nice room on the 3rd floor with a window. After an hour or so the doctor delivers the baby. The doctor smiles and the couple and cuts the ambilical cord. Then the doctor get an odd smirk on his face and looks over the the window. The couple look at each other confused. Then the doctor runs over to the window, opens it, and throws the baby out the window. The couple starts freaking out. Then the doctor busts up laughing and appoligizing and says, "April fools!! I'm so sorry, i really shouldn't have done that. But everything is ok, your baby was already dead."
08-29-2007, 04:51 PM
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A Pedophile is driving past a school and sees a young boy he likes.
"Little boy, for $20 will you come in my car?"
Little boy replies, "For $20 I'll come in your mouth!"
"Little boy, for $20 will you come in my car?"
Little boy replies, "For $20 I'll come in your mouth!"
