Joke thread!!!
04-05-2005, 12:36 PM
#226
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Location: Pimpin' tards
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Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."
04-05-2005, 12:48 PM
#228
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pimpin' tards
Posts: 895
Originally Posted by BAN SUVS
Nice... but no need for the card. You didn't post "Haha!" or "+1."
04-06-2005, 09:50 AM
#231
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Originally Posted by ryball
heard this one on Stern this morning...
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told her twice.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told her twice.
/me reserves the right to change his **** talking if said joke does not exist in this thread.
04-06-2005, 09:51 AM
#232
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Originally Posted by sperry
No only is that joke the oldest joke EVAR... I think it's even been posted in this thread already!
/me reserves the right to change his **** talking if said joke does not exist in this thread.
/me reserves the right to change his **** talking if said joke does not exist in this thread.
04-11-2005, 07:16 PM
#234
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Beto and Maria were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital
swimming pool, Beto suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Maria promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the
bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Director of
Nursing became aware of Maria's heroic act, she
immediately ordered her to be discharged
from the hospital, as she now considered her to be
mentally stable.
When she went to tell Maria the news she said, "Maria,
I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're
being discharged; since you were able to rationally
respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life
of another patient, I have concluded that your act
displays sound-mindedness. The bad news is that Beto,
the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom
with the belt to his robe right after you saved him I
am so sorry, but he's dead."
Maria replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there
to dry. How soon can I go home?"
One day while they were walking past the hospital
swimming pool, Beto suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Maria promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the
bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Director of
Nursing became aware of Maria's heroic act, she
immediately ordered her to be discharged
from the hospital, as she now considered her to be
mentally stable.
When she went to tell Maria the news she said, "Maria,
I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're
being discharged; since you were able to rationally
respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life
of another patient, I have concluded that your act
displays sound-mindedness. The bad news is that Beto,
the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom
with the belt to his robe right after you saved him I
am so sorry, but he's dead."
Maria replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there
to dry. How soon can I go home?"
04-11-2005, 07:44 PM
#238
a bl0nde girl, a brunette, and a red head decide to rob a bank, and soon hear some sirons coming...
so they all go run and hide in the back of a truck in the allie behind the bank.
when the police come in to the bank they ask where teh robbers went and the bank employee said they wen tin the back.. so then the cops head out back and they hear some movement in three potatoe sacks inj the back of a truck...
they decide to kick the first one (red head), **meow** it was just a cat
then they kick the second one (brunette), **ruff ruff** it was just a dog, finally they kick the last potatoe sack with the blonde in it and the blonde says "POTATOE!!! POTATOE!!! POTATOE!!!"
so they all go run and hide in the back of a truck in the allie behind the bank.
when the police come in to the bank they ask where teh robbers went and the bank employee said they wen tin the back.. so then the cops head out back and they hear some movement in three potatoe sacks inj the back of a truck...
they decide to kick the first one (red head), **meow** it was just a cat
then they kick the second one (brunette), **ruff ruff** it was just a dog, finally they kick the last potatoe sack with the blonde in it and the blonde says "POTATOE!!! POTATOE!!! POTATOE!!!"
04-11-2005, 08:12 PM
#240
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 153
Little Billy just met his first girl friend and wants to practice "safe sex" by buying many condoms. The only problem is, all he has is a dollar. He visits the local drugstore.
Little Billy: Mr. Pharmacist how much are the condoms?
Pharmacist: .50 cents a piece Billy.
Little Billy: Good, I'll take two
Pharmacist: That will be $1.07
Little Billy: What's the .07 for?
Pharmacist: Tax
Little Billy: TACKS!!! You mean they don't stay on by themselves !?!?!
Little Billy: Mr. Pharmacist how much are the condoms?
Pharmacist: .50 cents a piece Billy.
Little Billy: Good, I'll take two
Pharmacist: That will be $1.07
Little Billy: What's the .07 for?
Pharmacist: Tax
Little Billy: TACKS!!! You mean they don't stay on by themselves !?!?!