Joke thread!!!
Originally Posted by Ali G
So this priest and a rabbi are driving down the street when the priest stops the car, points to a young kid waiting to cross the street and says
"You want to go screw that boy over there"
To which the rabbi responds
"Out of what?"
"You want to go screw that boy over there"
To which the rabbi responds
"Out of what?"
Originally Posted by Ali G
So this priest and a rabbi are driving down the street when the priest stops the car, points to a young kid waiting to cross the street and says
"You want to go screw that boy over there"
To which the rabbi responds
"Out of what?"
"You want to go screw that boy over there"
To which the rabbi responds
"Out of what?"
THE PET MONKEY
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some
olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats
them. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the billiard
*****. To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the little bum. Sorry! I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again, and has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While
the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the
bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. Then
the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out,
and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?"
"No, what?" replied the man.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled it
out, and ate it!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything
in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures
everything first.
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some
olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats
them. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the billiard
*****. To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the little bum. Sorry! I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again, and has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While
the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the
bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. Then
the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out,
and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?"
"No, what?" replied the man.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled it
out, and ate it!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything
in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures
everything first.
Today's Chicano word of the day is: Harassment
The teacher asked Paco to use "harassment" in a sentence:
Paco smiles and says "Orale bato, mi ruca caught me in bed with my
sancha,
pero that's okay por que
I told her that...HAR *** MENT nothing to me."
The teacher asked Paco to use "harassment" in a sentence:
Paco smiles and says "Orale bato, mi ruca caught me in bed with my
sancha,
pero that's okay por que
I told her that...HAR *** MENT nothing to me."
In case you needed further proof that the human race is seriously challenged, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sear's hairdryer: ....Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: ....You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion.)
Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh?)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a Sear's hairdryer: ....Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: ....You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion.)
Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh?)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Registered User
iTrader: (4)
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 2,339
From: Bong Hits 4 Jesus
Car Info: Dying is not an option. It's an upgrade.
An Asian guy was trying to exchange yen for dollars and asked the teller
"Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dollar fo my yen - today I get a
hunat eighty?"
The teller says - "fluctuations"
The Chinese guy says "fluc you white guys too"
"Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dollar fo my yen - today I get a
hunat eighty?"
The teller says - "fluctuations"
The Chinese guy says "fluc you white guys too"
Troll
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 895
From: Pimpin' tards
Originally Posted by El Supremo
Q: What do K-mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: Both have boys pants 50% off.
A: Both have boys pants 50% off.
https://www.i-club.com/forums/showpo...7&postcount=68
Do you like hard candy?
Troll
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 895
From: Pimpin' tards
Three priests are in a boat with three young boys when the boat starts to sink.
The first priest says, "We've got to save the boys."
The second priest says, "Fu-ck the boys."
The third priest says, "Do you think we've got time?"
The first priest says, "We've got to save the boys."
The second priest says, "Fu-ck the boys."
The third priest says, "Do you think we've got time?"