Joke thread!!!
Registered User
iTrader: (1)
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 268
From: El Dorado Hills
Car Info: 04' STi now 15' WRX
Originally Posted by LagnWagn
nO WORRIES, i WANT TO GET BANNED...
I can only get locked/deleted but Banned!!! You!!!!! No Way!!!
your work must suffer
Troll
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 895
From: Pimpin' tards
Fr. John is hearing confessions one fine Sunday afternoon when the urge for "nature's extra special moment happens". Knowing he can not leave the confessional while one of his parishoners is speaking he starts to panic. Having to crap real bad he opens the door to his side of the booth enough to see that the janitor is cleaning up in the next room.
He calls the janitor over and asks him to fill in for a few minutes and shows the janitor the chat on the wall telling him what pennance to give the sinner next door. One hail mary for cursing, two for thniking impure thoughts and so on down the list. Still uneasy about it the janitor sits in the booth and has a fairly easy time for the first few until the neighborhood **** sits down in the booth and proceeds to confess to giving a blow job.
Now the janitor starts to panic when he realizes that this item does not appear on the list of sins the priest has on the wall. So he opens the door and calls the altar boy over and asks him "what does Fr. John give for a blow job?"
The kid replies - Two candy bars and a coke...
He calls the janitor over and asks him to fill in for a few minutes and shows the janitor the chat on the wall telling him what pennance to give the sinner next door. One hail mary for cursing, two for thniking impure thoughts and so on down the list. Still uneasy about it the janitor sits in the booth and has a fairly easy time for the first few until the neighborhood **** sits down in the booth and proceeds to confess to giving a blow job.
Now the janitor starts to panic when he realizes that this item does not appear on the list of sins the priest has on the wall. So he opens the door and calls the altar boy over and asks him "what does Fr. John give for a blow job?"
The kid replies - Two candy bars and a coke...
VIP Member
iTrader: (2)
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,152
From: ex-post whore
Car Info: Aspin '02 WRX sedan
FBI Recruiting The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the back
ground checks, interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists. Two
men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a
large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow
your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you
will find your wife sitting in a chair......Kill Her! The man said, “You
can’t be serious, I could never shoot my wife.” The agent said, “Then you’re
not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.
“ The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn.
She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun
and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard
screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was
quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat
from her brow.
“This gun is loaded with blanks” she said. “I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
MORAL: Women are evil. Don’t mess with them
ground checks, interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists. Two
men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a
large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow
your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you
will find your wife sitting in a chair......Kill Her! The man said, “You
can’t be serious, I could never shoot my wife.” The agent said, “Then you’re
not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.
“ The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn.
She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun
and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard
screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was
quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat
from her brow.
“This gun is loaded with blanks” she said. “I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
MORAL: Women are evil. Don’t mess with them
Troll
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 895
From: Pimpin' tards
----------------------------------------------
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need.
$o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Justin
----------------------------------------------
Dear Justin,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.
Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need.
$o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Justin
----------------------------------------------
Dear Justin,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.
Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad