Joke thread!!!
05-04-2005, 08:28 PM
#286
Originally Posted by Impooter
A vampire walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of hot water, confused, the bartender asks "hey dont you guys drink blood or somthing?" and the vampire says "yeah, but im having tea today".....then the bartender replies "then why did you ask for water?"...the vampire pulls a used tampon out of his pocket and says "havnt you ever heard of tea bags?"
05-05-2005, 09:33 AM
#287
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Originally Posted by Impooter
A vampire walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of hot water, confused, the bartender asks "hey dont you guys drink blood or somthing?" and the vampire says "yeah, but im having tea today".....then the bartender replies "then why did you ask for water?"...the vampire pulls a used tampon out of his pocket and says "havnt you ever heard of tea bags?"
05-09-2005, 01:04 PM
#290
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A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her
students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the
3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd
grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would
give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to
go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed
to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader
should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to
the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer.
Harry: "Bubble gum"
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and
a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot
of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in
the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......
students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the
3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd
grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would
give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to
go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed
to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader
should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to
the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer.
Harry: "Bubble gum"
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and
a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot
of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in
the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......
05-09-2005, 01:05 PM
#291
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Originally Posted by Impooter
A vampire walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of hot water, confused, the bartender asks "hey dont you guys drink blood or somthing?" and the vampire says "yeah, but im having tea today".....then the bartender replies "then why did you ask for water?"...the vampire pulls a used tampon out of his pocket and says "havnt you ever heard of tea bags?"
Funny though
05-11-2005, 07:27 AM
#292
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After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man
on her night stand by the bed. He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?
he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires,
hoping to be reassured. "No, no, no!!!" she answers. "Well, who in the hell is
he, then?" he demands. "That's me before the surgery."
on her night stand by the bed. He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?
he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires,
hoping to be reassured. "No, no, no!!!" she answers. "Well, who in the hell is
he, then?" he demands. "That's me before the surgery."
05-11-2005, 07:52 AM
#293
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Originally Posted by soggynoodles
After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man
on her night stand by the bed. He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?
he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires,
hoping to be reassured. "No, no, no!!!" she answers. "Well, who in the hell is
he, then?" he demands. "That's me before the surgery."
on her night stand by the bed. He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?
he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires,
hoping to be reassured. "No, no, no!!!" she answers. "Well, who in the hell is
he, then?" he demands. "That's me before the surgery."
05-19-2005, 02:29 PM
#295
a guy and girl meet at a bar and they hit it off, so they head to the guys place to uh... fornicate... lol... they start kissing and yada yada and then she takes his shirt off and sees nike tatooed on his chest... she asked and he said "uh they pay me to have that, they sponsor me for advertising" so then she's like weird but oh well and took his pants off.... and she sees another tat on his leg that says "fila" and he said oh that's another one i get paid to have... so she just shrugs her shoulders and proceeds to take his boxes off... and when she does she finds "AIDS" tatooed on his sinep... and so she asks "ok the first two tats were weird but aids on you ****? wtf???" and he said oh just give me a few minutes, it'll say ADIDAS!!! rofl
05-19-2005, 02:30 PM
#296
and for those of u that are blessed....
A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his *****, her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the ***** was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after the couple was married and they were honeymooning in Jamaica, the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his *****.
The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?"
The Jamaican replied, "No, Mon that says, 'Welcome To Jamaica Have a Nice Day'".
A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his *****, her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the ***** was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after the couple was married and they were honeymooning in Jamaica, the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his *****.
The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?"
The Jamaican replied, "No, Mon that says, 'Welcome To Jamaica Have a Nice Day'".
05-19-2005, 09:29 PM
#298
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Originally Posted by Paperchasin
and for those of u that are blessed....
A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his *****, her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the ***** was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after the couple was married and they were honeymooning in Jamaica, the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his *****.
The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?"
The Jamaican replied, "No, Mon that says, 'Welcome To Jamaica Have a Nice Day'".
A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his *****, her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the ***** was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after the couple was married and they were honeymooning in Jamaica, the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his *****.
The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?"
The Jamaican replied, "No, Mon that says, 'Welcome To Jamaica Have a Nice Day'".
05-19-2005, 09:52 PM
#299
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Originally Posted by T-Will
Oh crap...he's hung like a hippo, eh?
05-20-2005, 12:03 PM
#300
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Reading him his Miranda rights, a female police officer arrests a man for drunk driving.
The female officer tells the man:
"Sir, you have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be held against you."
The drunk replies:
"*****."
The female officer tells the man:
"Sir, you have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be held against you."
The drunk replies:
"*****."
