Joke thread!!!
03-24-2005, 11:34 PM
#211
Troll
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pimpin' tards
Posts: 895
A trucker goes into a whorehouse and hands the Madam five hundred dollars.
He says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich."
The Madam says, "For that kind of money, you could have one of my finest girls and surf and turf."
The trucker says, "I ain't horny, I'm homesick."
He says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich."
The Madam says, "For that kind of money, you could have one of my finest girls and surf and turf."
The trucker says, "I ain't horny, I'm homesick."
03-24-2005, 11:48 PM
#215
Troll
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pimpin' tards
Posts: 895
El Suprem(ehom)o, please feel free to post your jokes here:
https://www.i-club.com/forums/showth...ht=joke+thread
There is no need to ruin a good thread with your crap...
https://www.i-club.com/forums/showth...ht=joke+thread
There is no need to ruin a good thread with your crap...
03-25-2005, 12:02 AM
#216
Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 153
Two more and I'll go to the other thread.
Q: How do you know when you sperm counts up?
A: Your girlfriend has to chew.
Q: Did you know last election Monica Lewinski voted Republican.
A: Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.
Adios,
Supremo
Q: How do you know when you sperm counts up?
A: Your girlfriend has to chew.
Q: Did you know last election Monica Lewinski voted Republican.
A: Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.
Adios,
Supremo
03-25-2005, 09:30 AM
#218
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Reno, NV
Posts: 842
Car Info: '94 SVX, '02 WRX
Originally Posted by Ali G
Originally Posted by El Supremo
Q: How do you know when you sperm counts up?
A: Your girlfriend has to chew.
A: Your girlfriend has to chew.
"One... two... three... four... five... AH AH AH!"
How about it can stay if El Supremo takes a spelling/grammar class and learns what a contraction is?
03-25-2005, 09:36 AM
#219
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iTrader: (6)
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: pew, pew, pew!!!
Posts: 17,617
Car Info: nonplussed
Originally Posted by sperry
um... I didn't know sperm could count... up or down...
"One... two... three... four... five... AH AH AH!"
How about it can stay if El Supremo takes a spelling/grammar class and learns what a contraction is?
"One... two... three... four... five... AH AH AH!"
How about it can stay if El Supremo takes a spelling/grammar class and learns what a contraction is?
03-25-2005, 10:40 AM
#221
Troll
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pimpin' tards
Posts: 895
((((RING)))) (((RING)))
**Pick Up**
"Hello?"
"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Frank."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"
Brief Pause...
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??? .....Is this 555-7039??"
**Pick Up**
"Hello?"
"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Frank."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"
Brief Pause...
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??? .....Is this 555-7039??"
03-25-2005, 11:19 AM
#223
Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Arcadia, CA
Posts: 257
Car Info: 2003 GGA
Originally Posted by Paperchasin
What do women and tornados have in common???
They both make a lot of noise when they *** and take everything when they leave!!
They both make a lot of noise when they *** and take everything when they leave!!
03-30-2005, 04:15 PM
#224
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iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Reno, NV
Posts: 842
Car Info: '94 SVX, '02 WRX
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a ******* on the way?" "What??? Get the hell out of my cab!!"
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went.
Then, as they drove past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs-up sign to each driver.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a ******* on the way?" "What??? Get the hell out of my cab!!"
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went.
Then, as they drove past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs-up sign to each driver.
