Joke thread!!!
01-26-2005, 08:21 PM
#62
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Location: Just when I find the key to success, someone goes and changes the locks.
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a kid walks into his classroom with an extremely swollen lip. the teacher first ran up and asked what happened followed by the rest of the classroom.
the kid replied, " i was helping my dad out in the fields yesterday and a bee happen to sit down on my lip."
the teacher aks, " so what happened, did the bee sting you while you were trying to get it off?"
the kid replies, " no i didnt try to get it off, my dad knocked it off with the shovel!"
the kid replied, " i was helping my dad out in the fields yesterday and a bee happen to sit down on my lip."
the teacher aks, " so what happened, did the bee sting you while you were trying to get it off?"
the kid replies, " no i didnt try to get it off, my dad knocked it off with the shovel!"
01-27-2005, 08:45 AM
#66
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Location: The confines of my own mind.
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Car Info: 180sx super drift machine!
A man was having the worst day of his life. His "loving" wife left him for a younger guy and took their two kids, he lost his job, crashed his car, and the list kept going. Trying to calm himself on the golf course, he only started to feel more frustrated because his golf game started to degrade. When he thought things couldn't get anyworse he heard the strangest sound.
"Ribbit! 3 wood! Ribbit 3 wood!" Looking to his feet, he saw a tiny frog staring up at him. Thinking that his luck couldn't possibaly get anyworse, he pulled out his 3 wood and smacked the ever loving hell out of the ball. Lo and behold he holed it out!
"A magic talking frog!" the man thought to himself. "Froggy, we're headed for Vegas!" So with that he picked up his new found treasure and headed off to Ceasars Palace.
Upon arriving to the casino with the magical frog in one hand and his life savings in the other, the man looked at the frog and asked, "What'll it be, Froggy? Blackjack? Craps? The slots?"
The frog looked at him and said, "Ribbit! Roulette! Ribbit Roulette!" Heading over to the roulette table, the man once again asked the frog, "So how are we gonna do this? A lil on black and a lil on red? Spread our money around on the numbers? What?"
The frog replied, "Ribbit! Double zero! Ribbit! Double zero!"
Unsure of himself, the man asked again, "Are you sure you wanna place everything on just the one number? I mean, it's pretty bad odds..."
Sure of itself, the frog looked at him and said, "Ribbit! Everything! Ribbit! Everything!"
Without thinking the man placed everything left to his name on double zero. The wheel spun. The left the dealers hand with a deft twist. The man, thinking he had finally lost it, turned away and listen to the ball bounce along the wheel. Suddenly the crowd screamed with excitement as the man turned to look. Double zero! The entire casino was jumping with excitement for the man!
Later that night, with his fortune in hand, the man retired to the high roller suite. He ordered the best champagne, the best food. Everything he could think of, his life had turned for the better! He looked at the magic frog, who had been sullenly sitting on the table all night.
"Froggy, you've changed my life. Is there ANYthing I can do for you?"
"Ribbit! Kiss me! Ribbit! Kiss me!"
Not wanting to kiss the slimey magic frog he asked again, and was met with the same response.
"Well, ok. You've done so much for me, it's the least I can do for you." So, staring into the frogs bulging black eyes, he bent down and quickly pecked the frog on the lips. All of a sudden a huge flash of light and a gigantic puff of smoke filled the room! Coughing and covering his eyes, the man made his way to open the window. Fanning the smoke out, the man turned back around.
There, in place of the magic talking frog was a beautiful 16 year old girl...............
And THAT, Your Honor, is how she got into my room!!!
"Ribbit! 3 wood! Ribbit 3 wood!" Looking to his feet, he saw a tiny frog staring up at him. Thinking that his luck couldn't possibaly get anyworse, he pulled out his 3 wood and smacked the ever loving hell out of the ball. Lo and behold he holed it out!
"A magic talking frog!" the man thought to himself. "Froggy, we're headed for Vegas!" So with that he picked up his new found treasure and headed off to Ceasars Palace.
Upon arriving to the casino with the magical frog in one hand and his life savings in the other, the man looked at the frog and asked, "What'll it be, Froggy? Blackjack? Craps? The slots?"
The frog looked at him and said, "Ribbit! Roulette! Ribbit Roulette!" Heading over to the roulette table, the man once again asked the frog, "So how are we gonna do this? A lil on black and a lil on red? Spread our money around on the numbers? What?"
The frog replied, "Ribbit! Double zero! Ribbit! Double zero!"
Unsure of himself, the man asked again, "Are you sure you wanna place everything on just the one number? I mean, it's pretty bad odds..."
Sure of itself, the frog looked at him and said, "Ribbit! Everything! Ribbit! Everything!"
Without thinking the man placed everything left to his name on double zero. The wheel spun. The left the dealers hand with a deft twist. The man, thinking he had finally lost it, turned away and listen to the ball bounce along the wheel. Suddenly the crowd screamed with excitement as the man turned to look. Double zero! The entire casino was jumping with excitement for the man!
Later that night, with his fortune in hand, the man retired to the high roller suite. He ordered the best champagne, the best food. Everything he could think of, his life had turned for the better! He looked at the magic frog, who had been sullenly sitting on the table all night.
"Froggy, you've changed my life. Is there ANYthing I can do for you?"
"Ribbit! Kiss me! Ribbit! Kiss me!"
Not wanting to kiss the slimey magic frog he asked again, and was met with the same response.
"Well, ok. You've done so much for me, it's the least I can do for you." So, staring into the frogs bulging black eyes, he bent down and quickly pecked the frog on the lips. All of a sudden a huge flash of light and a gigantic puff of smoke filled the room! Coughing and covering his eyes, the man made his way to open the window. Fanning the smoke out, the man turned back around.
There, in place of the magic talking frog was a beautiful 16 year old girl...............
And THAT, Your Honor, is how she got into my room!!!
01-27-2005, 09:17 AM
#70
Troll
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pimpin' tards
Posts: 895
Matt comes home from school and announces to his father that he had sex with his teacher.
Well, his father's chest just swells with pride and he says to his son, "I was a freshman in college before I had sex with my teacher. I'm proud of you son. You know that bicycle that you've been wanting for so long. I'm going to take you out and buy it for you today."
Matt responded "Well if it's all the same to you dad, I'd rather go tomorrow. My butt's still sore."
Well, his father's chest just swells with pride and he says to his son, "I was a freshman in college before I had sex with my teacher. I'm proud of you son. You know that bicycle that you've been wanting for so long. I'm going to take you out and buy it for you today."
Matt responded "Well if it's all the same to you dad, I'd rather go tomorrow. My butt's still sore."
Last edited by Ali G; 01-27-2005 at 09:20 AM.
01-27-2005, 09:29 AM
#72
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Palo Alto, CA
Posts: 52,306
Car Info: Something german
Originally Posted by Ali G
Matt comes home from school and announces to his father that he had sex with his teacher.
Well, his father's chest just swells with pride and he says to his son, "I was a freshman in college before I had sex with my teacher. I'm proud of you son. You know that bicycle that you've been wanting for so long. I'm going to take you out and buy it for you today."
Matt responded "Well if it's all the same to you dad, I'd rather go tomorrow. My butt's still sore."
Well, his father's chest just swells with pride and he says to his son, "I was a freshman in college before I had sex with my teacher. I'm proud of you son. You know that bicycle that you've been wanting for so long. I'm going to take you out and buy it for you today."
Matt responded "Well if it's all the same to you dad, I'd rather go tomorrow. My butt's still sore."
01-27-2005, 10:11 AM
#73
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Reno, NV
Posts: 842
Car Info: '94 SVX, '02 WRX
As told during Dakar last night:
Q: What's the difference between a truck load of bowling *****, and a truck load of dead babies?
A: You can use a pitch-fork to unload the dead babies.
Q: What's the difference between a truck load of bowling *****, and a truck load of dead babies?
A: You can use a pitch-fork to unload the dead babies.
01-27-2005, 10:20 AM
#74
Troll
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pimpin' tards
Posts: 895
Originally Posted by sperry
As told during Dakar last night:
Q: What's the difference between a truck load of bowling *****, and a truck load of dead babies?
A: You can use a pitch-fork to unload the dead babies.
Q: What's the difference between a truck load of bowling *****, and a truck load of dead babies?
A: You can use a pitch-fork to unload the dead babies.