UberMaus

< Lapkawitz> and you can tell she's really japanese becase her genitals produce a forcefield that pixelates the air around them

UberMaus

Brianna says: im wondering where my cuddle buddy is.
Jason says: wtf, is that what women call "**** friends" These days?
Brianna says: no!
Jason says: well maybe he's "cuddling" with someone else
Brianna says: **** you

UberMaus

<Poyzin> The vet supervisor was asking me to jack off a horse to get the semen to artificially inseminate a female horse.
<Kilts> wtf lol
<Poyzin> But listen! This was a racehorse, so the owner says that I need to massage it's prostate. I'm assuming you don't know this, but the prostate on a horse is VERY ****ing far back there.
<Poyzin> So, I get on the arm-length glove and I look in the room to see another doctor with a cat or something. Tells me we had too many animals so the horse was moved to a room close to the front.
<Poyzin> Well, I get there, and I put my arm in this horse's ***. I'm talkin' less than a foot from my shoulder deep. All in clear view.
<Kilts> ROFLMAO
<Poyzin> And then some redneck couple come in and they see me because this front room has **** protection on it.
<Poyzin> "You a vet?" The guy ask. I wait a few seconds to see if he was joking, but then I look back to the horse's *******.
<Poyzin> "Nah, I'm with the Amish. I'm their mechanic."

theheckwithyou

Helrich: so i was at the diner this morning, and i was really hungry.
Helrich: i got a big plate of scrambled eggs and started eating them super fast
Helrich: when i stopped to breathe, half the plate was gone and i shouted DOMINATING!!!
Helrich: everyone in the diner stopped what they were doing and stared at me for along time until someone from across the room shouted HUMILIATION!!!
Helrich: I gotta stop playing Quake.

theheckwithyou

<@Xenon> You know what the best feeling in the world is?
<@Xenon> It is when you have a headache, and you take pills, and you can feel the pain becoming less and less every couple of minutes
<@Xenon> It's so satisfying
<@malevolence> you've clearly never been laid

UberMaus

<jax> I think the thing I've been most ashamed of doing with my *****
<jax> was trying to see if I could register it as a fingerprint on my laptops fingerprint scanner
<jax> JUST so I could login with a ***** print
<jax> it didn't work

UberMaus

<@blackbart> lol this guy was showing me his new phone at work the other day
<@blackbart> so while i was looking at it i changed his contact entry for his dad to my number
<@blackbart> just got a call from him and answered with "hello son, i dont love you and your adopted"
<@blackbart> cant stop laughing

UberMaus

<imp0rt> guys i got some new spanish neighbours anyone know some spanish?
<niiiiike> im fluent
<imp0rt> K can you help me say
<imp0rt> I would like to welcome you to our neighbourhood
<imp0rt> sounds cheesy i know but they got some hot daughter :P
<niiiiike> erm..
<niiiiike> Me gustaria chupar los senos de su hija
<imp0rt> You sreious?
<niiiiike> Yeh, got it off translater tho XD
<imp0rt> K ty
<imp0rt> brb daughter flirting time
*** Imp0rt has Quit IRC (QUIT: getting spanish *****)
<|t34b4gg1n|> That isn't right is it?
<niiiiike> Course not XD it means i wanna suck on you daughters **** ahahahha
<|t34b4gg1n|> You, sir are evil XD
about 10 minutes later
*** Imp0rt has joined #Rand
<imp0rt> **** you nike ****in tellin me bull****
<niiiiike> WHAT?!?! Man you must have pronouned something wrong
<niiiiike> cos like
<niiiiike> if you say "sen" "os" it means somethin like rubbish
<niiiiike> so you would've insulted their house
<niiiiike> its pronouned
<niiiiike> "sien" "yos"
<imp0rt> oh, i didn't know :\
<imp0rt> ima go tell em again, hopefully they'll understand
*** Imp0rt has Quit IRC (QUIT: 2nd time)
<|t34b4gg1n|> i almosts feel sorry for him
<niiiiike> not me.

deeferg

iTrader: (2)

haha so worth reading =]


<tallwhitekid06> so i have something to tell you
i have to tell someone.
you cant talk about it tho cuz i dont want anyone knowing i just gotta say it!
<deefergwrxs> yeah?
<tallwhitekid06> so i was on my computer rt?
<deefergwrxs> and you were speed dating again werent you? ****in homo lol
<tallwhitekid06> no i stopped that, but i was on craigslist tho...
<deefergwrxs> oh god lol, and?
<tallwhitekid06> i was looking in casual encounters. and i found an add it was a woman lookin for a hot young stud, so i though hey, im a hot young stud why the f*** not?
<deefergwrxs> please tell me you didn't lol your ****in with me...
<tallwhitekid06> no swear to god, she was like the hottest milf i've ever seen, shes like 49
<deefergwrxs> oh god ugghh
<tallwhitekid06> no no. it was cool
<deefergwrxs> wasnt it weird?
<tallwhitekid06> the only really weird part was a large black man standing behind me while it was happening he just kept sayin " YEAH YOU SUCK THAT D***"
<deefergwrxs> omg you f***** a black grandma
<tallwhitekid06> c'mon dude she was only 49
<deefergwrxs> yeah and prolly had like 30 kids! ugh...

UberMaus

^^^^HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH nice!!

UberMaus

<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a ****en impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally

theheckwithyou

<+FHC_> why is it guns are legal in america but a school shooter will miss most of his targets, but guns illegal in germany and the ****ers hit everything they aim at
<@Sauce> american kids know how to strafe