No need for comment....esp. on grammar.

I'm thinking of my wife and son at a rate of about 2 times per minute. I stop what I'm doing to daydream. It is getting to the point where it's pissing me off. I mean, I've always loved my wife as much as any man has loved a woman. Sure, in many a marriage, you'll tend to get caught up in 'your' things and like many a husband, tend to not spend as much time with her as you know you should. Also, I've been on my fair share of lengthy deployments in the last 5 years (married for 7 in July). 1 month a year, like clockwork, to the JRTC in Louisiana. Kosovo for 7 months in 1999. 2 schools in a row in 2001 for a total of 6 months. Alaska for a month and a half 2 years ago. West Point for 3 months last summer. At least 3 field problems per year that are at least 3 weeks long. I'm missing her more than I ever have right now.

To make matters worse, I have a beautiful little boy of 7 months (on Monday). I, like everyone else, know what babies are all about, but this kid has one hand around my heart and since I've left him, it feels as though he's saying, "Don't leave me, daddy. You're gonna miss out on a very important growth period in my life." and he's clenching his hand with the strength of Hercules.

I'll stop boring you, if you even read this at all. I just feel like I am completely off-kilter; more than I can ever remember being, and I'm not used to feeling this emotional. (No, I'm not holed up in my house sobbing uncontrollably, but I'm not afraid to admit that at times I feel as though something is welling up inside and when I least expect it, it will come out. That's when the dull ache is at it's worst.)

All I know is, while I don't expect to be in a position to significantly affect the fight over there, I hope I'll be standing somewhere nearby when the posse who brings Osama in (and they leave him alone for 60 seconds.)

...oh, and please, no need for any smart assed comments.

 

You'll be back with your family before you know it, Pat.
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I know. Hard work dulls emotion and thought.

...but he'll be 19 months old when I see him next, and by that time, supposed to be walking and talking. He may still need my specialized help in potty training, though.

 

I feel ya Pat, ... it does suck sometimes (ok, well a lot of the time) being in the job we are, but I guess it's all worth it 'in the end'.
I wonder if I'd still be married sometimes if I only had more time to work on that ... crap.
I believe (or like to believe) it all works out for the better.

 

oh, and you're so right about hard work dulling emotion and thought. I think that's why i enjoy being deployed with basically one purpose in life.

 

I think how you feel seems normal if you ask me it is hard to be away from the ones we love and although I have never been gone as long as you will be I can say I sorta know how you feel..Honestly I think personally it will be one of the hardest thing you'll do...Sean is right it will all work out.. I am thinking of doing a remote so I will be gone for a year also but of course their are differences in what you will be doing and what I will be doing your's will be tougher. Hey if you want you can come watch my boy he'll probably drive you to the crazy house though...

 

It'll all be good when you get back Pat. I missed all of the "firsts" with my son, due to boot camp, school, and deployments. I know it sucks at the time, but when the work is done you'll come back and catch up on the lost time easier than you'd think. I have another deployment coming up in the near future, & I actually wish my kids were babies again. I think it's easier on the parents when the kids don't necessarily understand what's going on. (it is on me anyways) Always remember that kids are resilient!

 

What also irks me is that I know that what the American people are asking of me is no greater than what they ask of you guys. I LOVE military people because I think that the life of a soldier, sailor, marine, or airman is way above and beyond should be expected of anyone...especially when they are called to potentially sacrifice their life or health.

It's just that I've never had my very own little boy.

Jeremiah, I have a feeling I'll be seeing you and your boy before I leave. That might help out.

 

Any time you can stop by we could throw some steaks on the grill or something...

 

Pat,

I know how you feel I went through the same emotions you are going through now. If you remeber just recently my son was born on Nov.28th and I deployed on Jan 21st. It was hard for me to leave but I was able to push through it. Just remember their is nothing wrong on how you feel just don't dwell on it. Keep your head clear when you get to Afghanistan. Well take care of yourself in Afghanistan maybe when you get back we both can grab a beer and exchange war stories. Laterz.


Jess

 

Pat,
I know how you feel.
Even 10 day outings were killer for me. I'm a sensitive emotional wreck without my daughter. It was my emotional sensitivity that made me decide to move to New York. I was scheduled to go to sea for 6 months in April. I'm such a wus that I know I would have developed mulitple ulcers away from my daughter.

However, it was all for naught. My wife has filed for divorce and is currently in Illinois with my daughter. Turns out I'll be without her anyway. It kills me inside. However, I know that I will be a great father at every opportunity given to me to see my daughter. I think you need to focus on the fact that your sacrifice is temporary. You'll be with the family again and you won't be deployed forever. Don't think about what you are missing. Think about the things you are going to do when you see him. It still sucks, but it isn't dwelling on lost time.

When I returned after a three month deployment my daughter would freak out and cry at night because she was afraid I wasn't going to be there when she woke up. It broke my heart. However, it made me weigh the pros and cons of my life. I chose my daughter and you'll get the opportunity to choose your family life at the end of this commision; if you decide the pain isn't worth the sacrifice. You are a bigger patriot than I.

Keep yourself busy, it helps.
Use the time you have to make it as perfect as possible.

this is my oppinion on the matter.

I'm suffering with you, Pat.

 

I know how you feel Pat, I felt the same way when I left for a deployment in Oct and left my kids behind while I was gone they moved off the island with thier mother to Virgina. It just really sucks that we have to be so far away from the ones we love so much.

 

Jess,

It sounds like an awesome attitude you've got. Sounds like you're doing a good job staying busy and staying motivated. It's not too hard to realize for us that what we're doing is a pretty noble cause.

Dom & Kirby,

When I compare my situation to that of a sailor, I think y'all have got it much much worse. I can't imagine being gone for as long and as often as you guys are.

Sean, you're right about one thing. Being in the military certainly makes one have to sacrifice an awful lot of time and attention away from those he loves. There's gotta be some pretty perfect circumstances in order for any military couple to stay together.

 

I made this webpage for Kathy and Sean. It takes an extremely long time to load due to the IZ .wav file I have imbedded in it. Just let it load. I guess I could put some sort've control on there so you can turn on or off the music. I love that song, though. Wish I could sing high tenor.

I figured some of y'all might looking at our last 3 years on your beautiful, god blessed island, too. There are some things that are frustrating in living here, but I wouldn't change my time here at all, especially meeting most of y'all, having a for real miracle happen to me (Sean Patrick McDaniel), and for living in paradise.

I also used MusicMatch to record an MP3 of myself reading a page or two out of my MacInnes book, Turbochargers. I don't have any childrens books because the movers packed it all. Do you think he'll enjoy it?

 

It's taking forever to load. Anyone have any ideas how I can 'stream' the song so the viewer doesn't have to wait for it to load?