From where I am from the Male is suppose to fork out all the money. The western style, the lady forks out all the money. But I think the current trend is the two just save up for it. I agree with what some one said. If they are not going to contribute they have no say in the wedding. Unless they start wanting to do things a certain way then you can start getting pissed.

 

I did the same thing. Wife and I paid our own way. You get to invite whom ever you want and pretty much everything else the way you want your wedding. It's great you're taking the burden off your parents. In our case, we wanted more control over the ceremony and reception.

 

Seriously I'd recommend anyone go there. They don't hassle you at all. And I went to the Walnut creek store. I was expecting snobs.

 

For those thinking that spending habits can be turned off like a faucet to save...I'm sorry but that's akin to an overweight person saying they will "seriously" diet and excercise starting next year to lose 50 lbs.

Sure it can be done, but most (99%) fail, and for the few that get there, they end up back in debt later.

I had to go from relatively free-spending to pretty much saving 90% of all income for 2 years and it was hell. AND I could not have done it w/o my SO who spent a whole lifetime saving and cutting costs.

I'm not judging, just keep in mind that it's not simple...could possibly be the hardest thing you've ever done and it causes fights galore.

ONe more warning...you can't be 'mad saving" AND hang out w/ friends. No exception. You may think there are exeptions, but nope...none. Even if they come over to watch TV (free-right)...nope, money will be spent...unless you're a cheap bastid who probably don't have friends anyway.
That's just the reality. UNless you can embrace that reality, you will likely fail.

goodluck.

 

Boost4: Its true what you say. It will be hard saving, but it can be done. I was unemployed for almost 2 years. My g/f was the sole source of our money. We never went anywhere or did anything. Now that we are both working we've been catching up on the spending we didn't do. But starting in October we'll have exactly a year to save roughly $10,000 for our wedding. I know I can do it even though I'm a big time spender. And the reason I know is because I know it needs to be done or else we aren't gonna have our wedding.

 

Booost4 is right to an extent, but though 99% fail we at least need to try and maintain. The reality is that things can be done to get on the "right track." Like what was said, it'll take time, and little by little you can do it. Perseverence and moderation will help. This doesn't mean you sacrifice your whole life and not do fun things, it means you just double think about things, do I really need this now (shoes, car parts , whatever)? If I don't go to this place will it bug the heck out of me? Is it that hard to take a lunch to work at least 2-3 days a week. All this stuff adds up over time, and makes a difference.

For my wedding a year ago we spent 10k including a honeymoon to Kaui and had 230 guests, catered (through friends and ourselves), and band and a PA system (all through friends). Everyone told us that that type of wedding was easy 18k.

It's like this though: (we opted for cheap).

Cheap = a lot of DIY. (calling places, research, who can help, plastic vs. silverware) must be creative. My wife got her wedding dress for like $50 at an outlet store, as opposed to $500 and look awesome. Stuff like that.

Expensive = easy planning, but you pay for it.

 

The way I see it, it's their money. "Tradition" doesn't obligate them to pay for your wedding. My wife and I received some help from family, but mostly from mine - her family doesn't have much money and we paid for the bulk of the costs. We knew this ahead of time though, and I always wanted to wait until we could afford to pay for the wedding we wanted before I proposed.It would be nice if they helped but they certainly don't have to.

 

My fiance and I are already there. Other than the $500 a month we spend in gas we are cutting all costs. We used to go to starbucks in the mornings. Now we'd usually get hooked up being regular customers. I got my coffee, first in 2 weeks for 50 cents. We found out buying a case of redbull is cheaper than the coffee. So that's what we're gonna do. Same with lunch we both bring one everyday. But I also trying to pay down my current debts. So it all adds up, and we will be having friends help a lot with our wedding. Oneman here and our other friend are great photographers so they are gonna help us out there. We are constantly looking for deals on things.

 

That's what I'm sayin! This is what I'm talkin about

 

this is the hardest thing you have to plan/save for other than a house. you are going about it the right way. So far ive cut back on everything i can think of. and slowly adding more....i found it really hard to cut everything at once and not go crazy because youre used to a certain lifestyle......so im doing it slowly. props to you

in this day and age i dont think the girls family should be responsible for most or all of the wedding. Most of my friends and family get help from both side but do the majority of it on their own. I wouldnt want to have this huge beautifull wedding that i didnt pour my blood sweat and tears into more than anyone. I dont want my parents or his paying out the *** for my expensive wedding....i would feel more satisfaction knowing that im the one who worked my *** off to pay for the things i really wanted. and im an only child....if you want something....go after it dont expect anyone to hand it to you. or you can marry an chinese girl/guy...and get lots of red envelopes at the reception then the guilt wouldnt be as bad since its a gift.

another option is a lot of wedding registries now have a honeymoon/wedding fund. so the people you invite will put money towards that rather than appliances and crap that you probably already have.

most important thing i think a wedding should be about is the COUPLE....granted id rather not have a huge wedding because thats just not me.....but im the only girl on both sides of my family and an only child....so its a pressure thing. Ill be having a wedding for my family and for his family to show pride etc. blah blah blah.
JUST ENJOY it and keep it simple enuff for everyone to enjoy.


to the original poster.....no i dont think your wrong to be upset with your fiancees family....but i dont think you might be over reacting a bit.

 

I think you need to make sure that they are not given ANY input on what happens at your wedding, AND make sure that they don't add to the guest list.

When Pleiad7 and I get married (date not quite set), it's going to be something we do to celebrate our love, and we're going to have fun, and screw tradition. I'm all for the Vegas trip, invite the friends down, and have a party-like atmosphere.

 

I think your frustration is completely justified. IMO, just take whatever money you are able to scrape together and as much vacation time you have and go get married on the beach in Hawaii. Remember, the marriage is really FOR YOU TWO, not anyone else. I know it sounds a little selfish but you'll have a better time alone with eachother making memories that will last forever. Plus you wont blow your whole wad on one fricken day.

 

good input. I'll address some posts directly tomorrow. Long week. Must sleep for work tomorrow.

 

Here's my take. I was in a similar situation last week. Engaged, my parents helping pay for part. my lady's parents were not going to contribute anything. but I didnt mind. and neither did she. They are pretty well off (they are great penny pinchers so have a considerable savings built up from what my gf tells me). The way I think about it is.. I treat it as a gift. If they contribute, great! if not, its all good. I'm not gonna hate. Our original plan was to ask for $$$ from the guests instead of signing up for a registry for wedding gifts because we dont really need any gifts. If I were you I would do that (say its part of the chinese tradition. who cares if you are/arent chinese. haha). while your at it, do it the filipino way and get sponsors to help! haha. tell people you are multicultural and call people out as racists if they question you for having chinese and filipino traditions in there. that'll shut them up.

my situation has changed for the better (got a lucky surprise from my gf's parents this past weekend). hopefully it will for u too.

 

I look at it the same way....a gift. We weren't expecting or pressing on anyone for help. It wasn't that that set me off. I could care less about the money from her folks. It was more the fact that her mom came right out and said we can't do it. Then slaps us in the face with how she blew all this money on something she clearly didn't need. And the fact that she has not been receptive in anyway to talking to her daughter about it and flat came out and said she could have my mom help her and it wouldn't offend her etc. Everytime she would try to talk to her about something...her mom just wouldn't react. IT was a combo of things that I felt they disrespected their daughter and intentionally hurt her feelings. That's why I was pissed.