when they throw rice at you,throw hot steam rice at them..

that's what i would do.. :rotfl:

 

I agree with BruceLee.

That's how my wife and I handled it. Kept it low key and low budget. My sister actually helped and we did a nice private ceremony with few guests.

Wife is JDM....the wedding costs for a Japanese style wedding get close to the $100k mark.

 

Quoted for truth... especially the last part.

My inlaws didn't want to have anything to do with our wedding until two weeks before the wedding when we already had everything planned... of course they wanted to change everything. Then they "invited" like 20 extra random people at the last minute. Good thing we had a feeling they would do that and left 3 extra tables empty.

Guess what? You didn't contribute to planning or helping or anything so you get ZERO say in what goes.

My parents kicked down a little, we paid most of it. We only spent around $3000, but everyone who went said it was the most fun wedding/reception they had ever been to.

It's really not how much you spend. It is one of the most special days in your life. It's about sharing that day with the people that are important to you. Above all remember - it is YOUR day.

Oh, and PLEASE do not take out a loan to pay for this. If you can't afford it, don't spend it. Seriously, you will be so stressed and the day will fly by, you will barely remember half of it. Not worth going into debt over.

-Ryan

 

your anger is justified, just like everyone is saying. When it comes to all of the details just dont let them have any say! Maybe its for the better, this way no mother inlaw butting in with their two cents. Just keep your head up!

 

That sucks dude, I could see how it would be frustrating!

 

IMHO the wedding is about the two of you and what's important to you two. My older sister went all out and paid for her own deal, spent $15k of her own cash she saved to make it happen, and that's what she wanted. Needless to say my pops didn't kick anything down.... Long story - he won't even leave HI to visit his kids here in the Bay... I am getting married next year and we are doing everything on our own. It's not going to be easy or flashy, but it's going to be all us and no one can say jack about how it goes down or what happens. My fiancee's parents live in Sweden (she's Swedish) and they barely get by - so we don't want to even bring it up. They are awesome people, and they would sell their car to pay for it if we asked, but knowing that is enough. They have their own problems and we don't want to add to them. Basically, we would rather have the event in a park than disrupt their plan for their later years. It would be cool for things to work out perfectly but I gots to say - look at this situation as a snapshot or an analogy of your future in-law's involvement and interest level of this event and plan accordingly.

That said, I COMPLETELY understand how much it sucks to have someone say they cannot help with an important, life changing event and then blow money (be it any amount) on something frivolous and not important. As I said above, take it as a sign...

 

theyre not poor if they can afford to buy a house in the bay area!!!!!!!!!! yeah id be pissed, but not worth causing a rift in the family over money.

 

pull a "Fun with dick and jane" and get together with your fiance and rob them!

 

sorry to hear that man. My grandparents are the same way....offered to help out my mom while she went back to school to become a therapist....said "take your time, its ok"

now every time any of us talks to them they put us on a guilt trip about how we're blowing through all their money (I personally only use my money for stuff I need/want) but my mom needs to use the money they give her for food, gas, rent, blah blah blah. so they put us all on a guilt trip, and then change the subject of the conversation to where they are going on their next trip (hawaii, for seriosuly, the 5+ time at the end of this month). SOme people just don't know how to say "we don't want to help" and end up looking likea bigger *** in the end

 

My wife is true JDM yo!!! For real, born and raised in Tokyo. Her mom still lives there. Her old man passed a few years ago.

 

That is the best advice ever.

There's two rational choices if the wedding costs are beyond your savings - push the wedding date back (later date) or cut costs if a specific date must be set. I know a guy who worked all the overtime he had available and even took a second part-time job but he was able to have the wedding they wanted and have the cash to pay for it, including a lovely European honeymoon. Don't start a marriage in debt.

Don't dwell on your in-laws not helping out. It can only lead to bad relations, no pun intended. If you read something into their decision, it might mean that they don't think enough of your union with their daughter to waste their money. Okay, it's their choice. Just be happy in the choices you and your fiancé make and you'll be fine.

--
0==WW==0
"…axles of evil…" - george w. bush

 

I'm currently working 6 and 7 days a week upwards of 65-70 hours a week. My girl was working 3 jobs before she took her summer class. Now she works her 40 hours a week. We're gonna do as much as we can on our own without debt but I have no issue with taking out a $5k loan to do a dope honeymoon or beef up the wedding in a way we might really want to...who knows.

Saying don't go into debt for something like this but then being willing to go into debt for car parts, vacations, clothes, etc......I don't get it. In California it's damn near impossible for 2 people to get through school, get married and live life without going into some form of debt.

If we do the wedding at the golf course it will be a nicer upscale wedding but we should be able to pay everything up front with savings and what not...we pushed our date back to 08. If in the next 6-8 months go by and we feel we can't make it happen we're gonna just take off and do a run and gun type of wedding and just have a good time.

And as for those saying pay for it yourself so your parents don't have to worry about it. If parents are all of a sudden left going.....oh **** our kids need money for weddings or college....they didn't prepare for it. I started dumping money into a 401k the day I turned 21. The day my wife gets pregnant I'm openning an account for that kid. Even putting $5 a week in it will add up to some serious pennies in the next 18 years. Preperation. I have no guilt for feeling like they should at least kick down a little. I'm not asking for $20k here. I would have been just fine on $1000 because I understand their situation. Shoot I was fine with them giving us nothing until this crap happened.

I didn't even half to ask my folks for help. Soon as I told them I was getting married they asked what they could do.....and they have 4 kids to deal with. My sister got married not to long ago.

We are very much do it yourself kind of people. If we can't do a big wedding. We'll go small and fun. I almost want a small wedding, small reception. Come back from honeymoon and have a big reception.

 

One way to recover expenses is to put some Filipino touches on it.

- Have a wishing well at the door
- Make sure the Money dance is on the schedule
- Note that monetary gifts are most welcome (Yup, I've seen this before)

I personally don't like asking my parents or my wife's parents for anything. We used our own funds for our wedding. One thing I hate is owing favors. I always went this way so they have nothing they can say to me when I make a big purchase. My wife's parents are very involved in everyone's affairs on her side of the family, but I call the shots on mine.

 

Pirate ship wedding at Treasure Island in Vegas. You have the option of sinking the ship at the end of the ceremony with the wedding party on board.

the end.

Seriously, we would have done this if we thought our parents wouldn't have a coronary. :rotfl:

 

I honestly don't understand how it's a favor? I don't like oweing favors either. I hate oweing people money or asking for help. Ask anyone that saw me go through the last 8 months of life. I grew up on my own. Got adopted at 15. Left the house at 17. Fortunately my family is my family and we do nothing but grow closer and closer every day.

anyways....I don't see how it's a favor? Tradition says that brides family foots most of the bill. Most people I know the parents pay as much as they possibly can because they don't want their kids starting out in debt...etc..etc. It's not a favor. It's your life. If your parents are guilting you about something like that then they need to get ****ing life. It's your wedding for christ's sake.

If I wanted to buy tv and asked for $3000 I'd feel like I owed a favor. But not for this. I don't feel bad at all expecting as much help as one can honestly offer...it's they don't want to that erks me....and it doesn't so much erk me that I even want their help. It erks me because I know it really herts my fiance' that her parents didn't think enough about her to plan for this or about us to even pinch pennies for the last couple years. I mean they got a $22,000 check last year and another chunk about that size not to long after from life insurance policies and houses being sold. (grandpa died) They knew we were getting married. We'd be talking about it then. We've been together 4 damn years. Out of $40k or so in a year on top of other stuff they couldn't put a couple grand into a bank? but they could afford over $15,000 in furniture, $3000 car stereo, $3000 computer....etc....etc......etc...