French Grand Prixview - An Apology

It has come to our attention that last year's French Grand Prix Red Bull Preview ruffled a few feathers and so in a spirit of goodwill Red Bull would like to APOLOGISE and say SORRY for any distress it might have caused the good citizens of "L'Hexagone."

And while we're at it we would also like to say SORRY for the fact that other countries have impressive national emblems like lions or eagles, but France is represented by a chicken with a comedy name "Cocorico."

On the subject of comedy, we would like to APOLOGISE for the fact that we foreigners don't find La Comedie Francaise funny.*

We would like to APOLOGISE for the fact that while you are so proud of your cheeses, England actually produces more fromages than you.

We would like to APOLOGISE for the fact that other European nations constantly take their triumphant photos in your Arc de Triomphe.

We would like to APOLOGISE for the fact that Anglo-Saxon popular music has entered your culture and given the world the chance to laugh at French Rap Music.

We would like to APOLOGISE for allowing tiny Green Peace dinghies to get in the way of your warships and sinking in front of them.

We are SORRY for the fact you only have one F1 driver, that he's at the back of the grid and for the fact that your Renault world championship team is run by an Italian whom you find very irritating - nearly as irritating as all his English engineers and mechanics.

We APOLOGISE for the fact the European Union has decided that English beef can once again be sold in France.

We APOLOGISE for the fact you had to give way to external pressure and ban the ridiculous Priorite a Droite rule that allowed your funny little 2CV cars to pull out of tiny side roads into the path of oncoming juggernauts.

We APOLOGISE for the fact that petrol prices have now risen to such an extent in France that farmers are finding it difficult to buy enough fuel to set fire to lorries full of English lamb.

We are HAPPY to be here as you celebrate "le quatorze juillet" although we are SORRY we don't understand why you are celebrating the fact that one group of French people beat the crap out of another group of French people. But please remind us, was the 14th July celebrating the revolution in 1789, 1830, 1848, 1871, 1936 or 1968? Goodness! Your list of revolutions is so long it reads like a train timetable....or at least it would if your train drivers, like your truck drivers and air traffic controllers weren't busy striking rather than working.

We are SORRY this race is not taking place at Le Castellet.

We are SORRY that you love foreigners so much that you try and stop them driving out of the country by ensuring your automated Petrol Stations are the only ones in Europe that won't accept foreign credit cards.

And so we come to the World Cup. But even we cannot be that cruel and, in any case, what would there be for us to APOLOGISE about?

* Yes, we do know the Comedie Francaise is not supposed to be funny.

We are SORRY for the fact you only have one F1 driver, that he's at the back of the grid and for the fact that your Renault world championship team is run by an Italian whom you find very irritating - nearly as irritating as all his English engineers and mechanics.