FAT MOMS

Your mom is so fat, her butt looks like two pigs fighting over a Hershey Kiss!

Your mom is so fat, she has to grease her hands to get into her pockets.

Your mom is so fat, if she was a superhero, she would be "Incredible Bulk."

Your mom is so fat, fat, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

Your mom is so fat, at the zoo the elephants started throwing her peanuts.

Your mom is so fat, when she steps on a scale, it read "One at a time, please."

Your mom is so fat, her blood type is Ragu

Your mom is so fat, she sweats Crisco

Your mom is so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs

Your mom is so fat, she broke her leg and gravy came out

Your mom is so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway.

Your mom is so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat in the rain, people run to her and yell "Taxi!"

Your mom is so fat, when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.

Your mom is so fat, I swerved to avoid her in the road and ran out of gas.

Your mom is so fat, the highway patrol made her wear a "Caution! Wide Turn" sign.

Your mom is so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.

Your mom is so fat, if she weighed 5 more pounds, she could get group insurance.

Your mom is so fat, she uses a matress as a maxi-pad.

Your mom is so fat, she's on both sides of the family.

Your mom is so fat, when she wears a red dress in the summer, kids run after her yelling, "Kool Aid! Kool Aid!"

Your mom is so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.

Your mom is so fat, she wakes up in sections

Your mom is so fat, she's got her own zip code

Your mom is so fat, people jog around her for exercise

Your mom is so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

Your mom is so fat, she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

Your mom is so fat she was baptized at Sea World.

Your mom is so fat, when she goes to the beach, kids go "free *****! free *****!"

Your mom's feet are so big her shoes have licence plates.

Your mom is so fat, she wore a Malcom X jacket and a helicoptor landed on her.
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Your mom is so ugly, they didn't make a costume for her when she tried out for Star Wars.

Your mom is so ugly, when she walks into a bank, they turned off the surveillence cameras.

Your mom is so nasty, when she goes to the hair salon, she told the stylist to trim her hair and opened up her shirt.

Your mom is so ugly, when she's taking a shower, it's like "Gorillas in the Mist."

Your mom is so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals"

Your mom is so ugly, just after her birth, the doctor slapped her mother.

Your mom is so ugly, when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.

Your mom is so ugly, when she was born, they put her in a tinted incubator

Your mom is so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yeah! Let's go bury it!"

Your mom is so ugly, just after her birth, her mother saw the after-birth and said "Twins!"

Your mom is so ugly, she makes onions cry.

Your mom is so poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

Your mom is so stupid, she thought a quarterback is a refund

Your mom is so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, cause she wanted to makeup her mind.

Your mom is so stupid, she spent twenty minutes lookin' at the orange juice box because it said 'concentrate'.

Your mom is so stupid, she failed her blood test

Your mom is so gullible, she asked the swim instructor: "Will I really sink if you take the finger out?"

Your mom is so stupid, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon.

Your mom is so stupid, she placed a ruler on her pillow so she can see how long she can sleep.

Your mom is so stupid, it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

Your mom is so old, that when she was in school there was no history class.

Your mom is so old, I told her to act her own age, and the ***** died.
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My computer is wearing my pepsi!

"Your mom is so ugly, when she was born, they put her in a tinted incubator "