Joke thread!!
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From: Mililani, Hi
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A visiting Filipino was in New York City and it was a particularly windy day. He was standing by a bus stop when the wind blew and raised the skirt of a nice American lady standing near him.
He smiled at her (wanting to make conversation) and said, "It's hairy, isn't it?" (What he meant to say was that it was "airy" - mahangin or windy)
The American lady got mad and hit him with her umbrella and said, "Well, what did you expect - feathers?!"
He smiled at her (wanting to make conversation) and said, "It's hairy, isn't it?" (What he meant to say was that it was "airy" - mahangin or windy)
The American lady got mad and hit him with her umbrella and said, "Well, what did you expect - feathers?!"
Last edited by 4080's_ReiJay; Mar 24, 2009 at 03:29 AM. Reason: .....
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i learned how to understand/learn filipino the old fashion way...anyone seen that movie sleeping dictionary with jessica alba ??..
haha
nev
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From: Mililani, Hi
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thought it fits on this thread so here...not sure if it's a repost or if it's video edited...but whatever..... it's funny as hell.... lol.. watch and wait.... ouch!...i needed a laugh..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfMoQ5MPlfc&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfMoQ5MPlfc&NR=1
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Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Does your wife ever...well, you know...does she...well, let you do it doggie style?" asked one of the two.
"Well, not exactly," his friend replied,
"She's more into the trick dog aspect of it." "Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?"
"Well, not exactly. Whenever I make a move, she's most likely to roll over and play dead."
"Well, not exactly," his friend replied,
"She's more into the trick dog aspect of it." "Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?"
"Well, not exactly. Whenever I make a move, she's most likely to roll over and play dead."
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Two leprechauns have a bet.
To settle their bet, they take it to a convent.
Mother Superior answers the door, and says "Oh my goodness! It's a leprechaun!"
The first Leprechaun replies, "Take it easy sister, I only wanna ask you a question. Are there any nuns in your convent that are my size?"
"No, little man, there is no nuns in my convent that are your size."
"Alright then. Are there any nuns in all of Ireland that are my size?"
"No, little man, there are no nuns in all of Ireland that are your size."
"Alright then. One more question: Are there any nuns in the entire world that are my size?"
"No, little man, I am quite sure there are no nuns in all of the word that are your size!"
"Okay then." The second leprechaun starts laughing his *** off. But through the laughter, he manages to say "You see, I told you "boinked" a penguin!"
To settle their bet, they take it to a convent.
Mother Superior answers the door, and says "Oh my goodness! It's a leprechaun!"
The first Leprechaun replies, "Take it easy sister, I only wanna ask you a question. Are there any nuns in your convent that are my size?"
"No, little man, there is no nuns in my convent that are your size."
"Alright then. Are there any nuns in all of Ireland that are my size?"
"No, little man, there are no nuns in all of Ireland that are your size."
"Alright then. One more question: Are there any nuns in the entire world that are my size?"
"No, little man, I am quite sure there are no nuns in all of the word that are your size!"
"Okay then." The second leprechaun starts laughing his *** off. But through the laughter, he manages to say "You see, I told you "boinked" a penguin!"
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Keoki is in bed with his wife, Nani when there is a knocking on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning.
“I not goin get outa bed now,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.
“You going answer that?!?” she asks.
So Keoki drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens da door and get one large Hawaiian man standing there. It didn’t take Keoki long to realize dis Kanaka was drunk.
“Howzeet,” slurs the Kanaka. “Can, give me one push, or what brah??”
“No, beat it! It’s tree-turty in da morning. I stay sleeping already,” he says. Then Keoki slams da door.
He goes back up to bed and tells Nani what happened and she says, “Keoki, that wasn’t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way for pick up the kids from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man’s house for help just to get us started again? What woulda happen if that guy told us beat it??”
“But da guy stay drunk!” says Keoki.
“No matter,” says Nani “He needs our help and that’s the Christian thing to do so help him.”
So Keoki gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens da door, and cannot see da Kanaka anywhere. Keoki shouts, “Hooooiiiii bruddah, you still like one push??”
And he hears a voice cry out, “Yeah, can please???”
Still Keoki no can see da Kanaka, he shouts, “Ey, Braddah, where you stay?”
And da Kanaka replies, “I stay ova hea…
… On top yo' swing.”
“I not goin get outa bed now,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.
“You going answer that?!?” she asks.
So Keoki drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens da door and get one large Hawaiian man standing there. It didn’t take Keoki long to realize dis Kanaka was drunk.
“Howzeet,” slurs the Kanaka. “Can, give me one push, or what brah??”
“No, beat it! It’s tree-turty in da morning. I stay sleeping already,” he says. Then Keoki slams da door.
He goes back up to bed and tells Nani what happened and she says, “Keoki, that wasn’t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way for pick up the kids from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man’s house for help just to get us started again? What woulda happen if that guy told us beat it??”
“But da guy stay drunk!” says Keoki.
“No matter,” says Nani “He needs our help and that’s the Christian thing to do so help him.”
So Keoki gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens da door, and cannot see da Kanaka anywhere. Keoki shouts, “Hooooiiiii bruddah, you still like one push??”
And he hears a voice cry out, “Yeah, can please???”
Still Keoki no can see da Kanaka, he shouts, “Ey, Braddah, where you stay?”
And da Kanaka replies, “I stay ova hea…
… On top yo' swing.”
Last edited by Keainakoa; Mar 27, 2009 at 10:42 AM.
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why does the bride wear white dress?
because all home applinces come in white.
what did one tampon say to the other tampon?
sup blood.
what are the two sexiest animals in a farm?
brown chicken, brown cow.
because all home applinces come in white.
what did one tampon say to the other tampon?
sup blood.
what are the two sexiest animals in a farm?
brown chicken, brown cow.
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Keoki is in bed with his wife, Nani when there is a knocking on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning.
“I not goin get outa bed now,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.
“You going answer that?!?” she asks.
So Keoki drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens da door and get one large Hawaiian man standing there. It didn’t take Keoki long to realize dis Kanaka was drunk.
“Howzeet,” slurs the Kanaka. “Can, give me one push, or what brah??”
“No, beat it! It’s tree-turty in da morning. I stay sleeping already,” he says. Then Keoki slams da door.
He goes back up to bed and tells Nani what happened and she says, “Keoki, that wasn’t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way for pick up the kids from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man’s house for help just to get us started again? What woulda happen if that guy told us beat it??”
“But da guy stay drunk!” says Keoki.
“No matter,” says Nani “He needs our help and that’s the Christian thing to do so help him.”
So Keoki gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens da door, and cannot see da Kanaka anywhere. Keoki shouts, “Hooooiiiii bruddah, you still like one push??”
And he hears a voice cry out, “Yeah, can please???”
Still Keoki no can see da Kanaka, he shouts, “Ey, Braddah, where you stay?”
And da Kanaka replies, “I stay ova hea…
… On top yo' swing.”
“I not goin get outa bed now,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.
“You going answer that?!?” she asks.
So Keoki drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens da door and get one large Hawaiian man standing there. It didn’t take Keoki long to realize dis Kanaka was drunk.
“Howzeet,” slurs the Kanaka. “Can, give me one push, or what brah??”
“No, beat it! It’s tree-turty in da morning. I stay sleeping already,” he says. Then Keoki slams da door.
He goes back up to bed and tells Nani what happened and she says, “Keoki, that wasn’t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way for pick up the kids from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man’s house for help just to get us started again? What woulda happen if that guy told us beat it??”
“But da guy stay drunk!” says Keoki.
“No matter,” says Nani “He needs our help and that’s the Christian thing to do so help him.”
So Keoki gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens da door, and cannot see da Kanaka anywhere. Keoki shouts, “Hooooiiiii bruddah, you still like one push??”
And he hears a voice cry out, “Yeah, can please???”
Still Keoki no can see da Kanaka, he shouts, “Ey, Braddah, where you stay?”
And da Kanaka replies, “I stay ova hea…
… On top yo' swing.”
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3 generations of prostitutes were enjoying an evening at home. The daughter just coming home from a job complaining to her mother on how she just only made a lousy $100 today. The mother simply replied if you think that is rough back in my day we only made $25 a day. The grandmother over hearing the conversation then sharply replied HA if you think that is bad back in my day we were just happy to have something warm in our stomachs.
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7 degrees of blonde
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How
should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said,
"Who was that?" The wife answered, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and
says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let
me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in
the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out
and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're
next!"
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She
proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK,
what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US
government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.
Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was
the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware"
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit,
patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the
steps putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How
should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said,
"Who was that?" The wife answered, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and
says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let
me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in
the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out
and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're
next!"
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She
proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK,
what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US
government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.
Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was
the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware"
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit,
patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the
steps putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."