hey guys, i am gonna be scoring this marketing job down in san diego. so i will be moving there in the next month or so.

problem:
the girl friend is changing her plans to go there to be with me. i like this idea because i want to be with her. although my thoughts on it are, we should not change all our plans for our boyfriend or girlfriend just to be near them. there is a school in Napa that she really wants to goto, has for the last year or more. she has been so excited about it, and now she doesnt want it because she wont be with me.
this bothers me because i want her to do what is best for her, and not follow me just because she wants to be with me. being together doesnt necessarily mean she is making a good decision. what if we broke up in 6 months and now she is at a school she really didnt want to goto. i dont think we would break up but sometimes you have to see the reality of things and what is possible and what position it would leave her in..

we have infact discussed long distance, we both really dont want that as we think it may just end up being more harmful than anything else to our relationship. so right now i am in a tough place of making a decision.. any advice you guys who have experience or good thoughts on this please chime in..

i personally dont think it will be healthy if she follows me and doesnt goto the school she really wants to be with.. its like i decide im taking this job and all of a sudden for me to expect her to just pack up and move down there is selfish for me, and i think her being selfish to herself..

agg tough place to be in...

 

sd chicks > norcal chicks

ditch her

 

LOL

There's definitely a lot more to choose from. There's about 20 colleges in SD county.

 

couple Q's.


Age. How long have you been together. Honest future plans.

In my personal experience long distance does hurt more than just calling it quits and staying friends. If you can't do that then honestly you don't belong together anyways. True friendship is the difference between a relationship that lasts and one that doesn't.

My thoughts.

Call it quits. If she changes her plans and you end up splitting there is a chance she'll be pissed forever and it could hurt both of you in the long run.

If it feels right or at least better to you both just call it a seperation. Stay in contact. Stay friends. Work on that side of things. If in the long run you guys want to make it work you will.

And in a slightly nicer tone on previous statements......SD chicks rock. I'd say SD and SC girls much better than bay girls.

 

thats what i was telling her, we should maintain friendship because that is the backbone of a relationship. without it a realtionship has nothing not even love. just lust.

our longterm goals are to eventually get married. we have been officially together for about a year and a half but have been dating for 2 years now.

i love her a lot, and would hate to see her heart filled goal be taken away just to be near me. i am flattered yes but dont want to be selfish.. i think maintaining a good friendship and communication is what is best, and not actually being a couple as it has never worked for either of us in the past. and when she is done with her beauty college in a year she could move down south and work there.

 

and PS yes SD chicks are hot, but i am dating a hawaiian chick

 

If you can't handle a long distance relationship and all of the stress and trust issues associated with it then it wasn't meant to be. A few years ago my wife and I were separated all the time for months at a time but nothing changed...I guess that's why she's now my wife.

Forget "Out of sight, out of mind" and think about "absense makes the heart grow fonder"

A marriage has to be really strong to survive and this is a perfect test.

 

i see what you're saying, but its not really a trust issue. i just wonder what is the point of me being 22, and her being 24 and us having this long distance relationship.. how can it help us grow closer to each other? i understand not being together at all wont help either but atleast then we arent so worried about our relationship and just worrying about getting our school/work done.

i almost see this as a good opportunity to just concentrate on ourselves and get done what we need to get done. with this job i am going to be flying all around the country meeting with clients sometimes for a month at a time. it just seems like a lot of added mess to the relationship. ya even when she moves south i will be flying around the country but atleast then i will always come back to her after the trip. while right now it will be me coming back and still being 10 hours away.

 

Any chances we can see pics of the Hawaiian girl

 

here is one of my buddy pimpn my girlfriend and her best friend at a party
she is on the left with the glasses on.


http://inthesurf.net/ian/DSC00816.JPG

 

a little addition to this story...

her parents just moved back here from new zealand after not seeing holly for 2 years.. and i dont think its right to take her away from them so soon after they had just gotten back.

 

^^ haha jeff...i was about to say ttiuwop.

but from a girls prespective ill put my 2 cents in.

At first the seperation will be hard....after a few weeks it wont be that bad. but there will be times when things get rough.....thats when the true test of your relationship will come into play. You can always fly up or her down on weekends or when take 3 day weekends and meet in the middle have some fun to get you thru the long patches of not seeing each other.

my advice to her......

I gave up my plans and put college on hold.... take it from someone who has given up my original dreams for someone.......I will forever wonder what if!! If the school she really wants to go to is in Napa...then by all means she SHOULD stay there and go. im sure there are good schools in SD too....but youre going to be so busy with the new job and getting your hold on it along with all the work and travel that she might end up being MORE lonely moving down there with you.....and that will ultimately kill the relationship.... At least if she stays here shell have her family and friends closer and can see you when you both have time. From the sounds of it this school is not the easiest to get into....so she should go for her dreams and shell have more self pride and be able to support you in you job once shes gotten where she needs to go. And if you two are still together or still good friends with feelings for each other still...the relationship will be better than you could imagine.

When one door closes another opens.... just dont close the door to your dreams to find another door that you dont know whats behind it.

good luck to you guys! its a hard choice.

 

Just like onemanarmy said" How long have you been together. Honest future plans." This should be the main factor in your final answer. If you do see your self with this girl in the long run maybe it is worth taking a shot with the long distance thing, you never know it might work out. If you have been together long enough your relationship should be able to withstand it. All the other guys are just being guys when they say to just ditch her or have gotten their heart ripped out by some chick. ) I know I will probably get some flack by posting my opinion but ahhh who cares. All the other responces sounded like they did it while humping their couches!!! lol j/k guys! Talk to her about it and go from there, and stay friends no matter what.

 

Smart. well said. I agree with you 100%

 

i was actually hoping a girl would reply to this.

thanks for the advice.

the whole "i gave up my plans and put college on hold..." thing is exactly what i dont want her to do.. i know she can goto college down south but its not the college she wanted..

i think it would be good also to take some space for ourselves so that we can concentrate on our careers/schooling for now and not really worry about whether or not a relationship is working and the problems that may be in it while being miles away