Any single guys, or women wanting to get "loot" like you're getting married?

Here's your chance!

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/wan/1248239113.html

Well written - long, but worth the read!

Nominate it for best of CL!!

 

I'd actually consider doing this. Mostly for the comedic value.

 

I sent her an email and told her that I'd do a free "engagement" and "wedding" portrait to make it believable for the friends and family.

 

That's awesome.

 

Wanted: someone to register w/ me for 12 crystal champagne flutes (USF / panhandle)

Reply to: sale-utm2n-1248239113@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-07-01, 12:46AM PDT


Don't worry, we don't really have to get married. In fact, it might be preferable if you were gay so that no strange feelings arise out of the situation. Male or female, doesn't matter to me. If you're a woman, we'll have to spin the story differently, but if you're a straight, single person of either gender who is tired of celebrating all your friends' life choices associated with couple-dom and still eating off of mismatched plates, we'll probably have a really good time together. If you're gay and sick of being left out of all this marriage registry stuff because the government is so spineless that it can't grow a pair and stand up to the conservative whack-jobs and give you the basic right to get legally married, we'll probably have a pretty good time too.

Basically, I just need to borrow your name for some ecstatic emails and phone calls to my friends and family proclaiming that I've met "the one" and s/he's proposed. Your name will also need to go on the registry and one of those "tie the knot" websites. I may need to include a relatively believable picture of the two of us as well. Depending on who you ask and how conceded I want to sound, I'm variably "gorgeous," "hot," "adorable," "sexy," "cute," "the whole package," or "easy on the eyes." So, please don't be a total troll, or it won't be believable. Don't worry, you'll never be required to meet anyone--friends, family, or random acquaintances that had the gall to invite me to their "special days" with their closest 500 friends. I'll present the whole situation as whirlwind affair and a quick SF city hall (or Vermont) elopement that's slated in a few weeks. The premise will be that our overwhelming love took us both by surprise and that we wanted to share our joy with our friends and family and that they can celebrate our love for each other by sending their cards or gifts (to be found on said registry) to us. Due to my (f)unemployment, we can't afford to throw a real wedding and reception right at this point in time.

What's in it for you besides a good laugh, you must be asking? Why the hell would you do such a thing and lie to people?
Of course, in exchange for your picture and name, you get to share in the loot. We can meet up and go crazy together. What do you want? A 12-cup Cuisenart? Wustof knives? Riedel wine glasses? Waterford martini glasses?

There is the issue of not being able to register for two of everything, but I'm sure there are things that you want that I don't and vice versa. Moreover, for some things, we can always just get twice as many as necessary--those champagne flutes for example. I really wouldn't need a set of 12, but it's a totally reasonable number for a registry. Apparently when you get married, you automatically double your dinner party capacity and want to have 10 additional people to your house, feed them, booze them up, and clean up after them. For now, as a single gal, I'm ok with sticking with no more than five others and me for my dinner parties. Besides, it's about all my place can seat. (I guess you get a really big dining room and dining table when you get married too...)

Additionally, you don't have to lie if you don't want to. If you don't want to tell your family and friends, I don't care. Just remember, the point is the gifts and the cards with cash. The fewer people you tell, the smaller the rewards for the both of us.

What kind of stuff do I want? What kind of stuff do you want?
I'm thinking of registering at the following establishments:
Crate and Barrel
Williams Sonoma
Nordstrom's or Macy's
Bed Bath and Beyond
Target (you have to register at Target to make it believable--we can't only register at high end places, and besides, there are some things at Target that I wouldn't mind acquiring.)

Where the hell did I get this hair-brained idea anyway?
Recently, I hosted a dinner party for six at my modest, tenement-like studio (no outside facing windows, only an air shaft view) on the same day that I was supposed to be attending a friend's wedding across the country. In the days leading up to the party, I started assessing what I would need to carry out the party plans and realized that I only had three mismatched champagne flutes. Mind you, I realized this at approximately the same time I went on to my friend's registry site and discovered that there was hardly anything left to buy for her because despite the large quantity of stuff on the various sites, our society encourages people to give enormous quantities of things to people getting married. Never mind that it's more stuff for them to fight about when half of them divorce in the future, but I digress.

At this time, I also realized that I didn't actually have six place settings in my flatware. Nor did I have six matching cloth napkins or proper salad serving utensils. My tea towels in my kitchen don't match. I don't have a 12" All-Clad, oven-proof skillet. An inventory of my bathroom will reveal that I have a purple bath sheet with a matching washcloth but no hand towel, two teal bath towels with one matching wash cloth, two oversized spring green bath sheets with nothing else that matches them, two beige hand towels, well you get the point--there's nothing that matches or is a set in there. The sheets I just bought I thought were going to be decadent--they're actually quite heinous--so rough! I don't have board games/party games to play with my dinner guests. My tent is missing stakes. I don't have a picnic set. Or, my favorite new trend: I don't have enough money for a down payment on a condo/house, so I'd be more than willing to add a donation to my housing fund to my tie the knot site like so many others have done. Maybe I can even go around and find beautiful places in SF that I would like to live in and take pics for the site. If I was married, I would have all this stuff in the bag already. Wedding registries were supposed to be about setting up a house when you moved out of your parents'. Well, I moved out of my parents' house when I went to college, and I became self-sufficient when I graduated from college at 22 and moved across the country to SF. I'm about seven years over due for my setting up house registry.

Plus, this is just about evening out the spoils. Let's face it, single people have to celebrate their friends on all sorts of occasions related to coupling off (engagement parties, bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, etc). It's not just the gifts, it's the travel to the location, it's the dresses, it's the hotels and rental cars. It's the time off work and the energy expended to suffer through the hell that is air travel today (goddamn paranoid people thinking that everyone wants to blow them up). It's enduring poorly delivered, drunken toasts and over-cooked/dried out fish/chicken/beef that was perfect for those tables full of couples up front but sat under the heat lamps too long by the time they served the singles tables in the back. It's sipping water while the head table drinks champagne because the hosts couldn't afford enough bubbly for the entire reception because they invited too many people. It's buying hideous bridesmaid dresses that you'll never wear again and hosting bridal showers.

And what about us singletons? When was the last time we were celebrated? Sure, our married friends are jealous sometimes that we can do whatever we want and aren't tied down or don't have screaming kids killing our sex lives. Nonetheless, their jealousy or their laments that we have great lives isn't filling up my china hutch or my linen closet. It's not starting a cup of coffee for me with an automatic timer in the morning nor is it whipping egg whites to foamy perfection for meringue.

Really, getting gifts by registering is a fairly modest proposal to even the score I think.

Like Carrie said, "Hallmark doesn't make a 'Congratulations! You didn't marry the wrong guy" card,"...and just where IS my flatware for going on vacation alone?



Posted just in case it gets removed. Very creative.

 

It's amazing what people come up with these days.

 

trade for sex?

 

Thats taken from a ****ty chick flick movie with that girl sabrina the teenage which.

 

You really want to admit to knowing that?

 

Wow. That's... wow.

 

I was hesitant to post.

 

The ish was orchestrated!