Ya know, I'm not one to believe in fate and the universe and all that stuff, but I've had some pretty random occurrences set the stage for very important events in my life. One night I had no plans so I went to a Team in Training fundraiser with a buddy of mine. Met this girl, the relationship didn't really go anywhere, but when she moved I got her *****in' studio on the beach. If I had been a lazy *** and not gone out that night that I met her, I never would have had that awesome studio. Only time will tell.

 

The 80's! They're Painful!

 

Life is painful Jourdan! Sometimes you just have to look into a woman's eyes and go "Do you really want to hurt me?"

Sometimes you can see a bad situation forming and all you can say is "Here I go again..." and you have to make the decision, should I stay or should I go? But you know you gotta stick to your guns when it all comes down cause sometimes you can't chose, it's like heads they win, tails you're gonna lose.

 

 

good read. and its pretty much all true. grow some *****, gain the confidence, make the move. and score. takes practice is all. just think of it as u got nothing to loose, she says no? move on to another girl. cant let your ego be hurt by a simple rejection.

 

I should have mentioned I guess that this was wrapped up pretty quickly and chalked up to one helluva kick-*** life lesson. She was definitely not the first thing that came along for me. She was sort of a chameleon who listened to what I missed with my high-school GF back home who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I know, sappy, but I guess I'm a ropeless homantic. Or wait, I think I got that wrong.

Anyway - once the "dissolution" was final (we were not married long enough for a divorce), I set her up in a nice apartment w/ furnishings, paid her rent for a bit and split my savings in half so she would be ok. She turned up sobbing and "sorry" a few times, and honestly I guess I was weak a bit but once I snapped out of it (it was a little weird to be honest) I made the decision to never see her again, and it's been awesome. I decided to get myself sorted out and sort of marinate in my own thoughts. I took over a project car that a friend and I worked on ('93 GT-4) and basically locked myself in my garage with my Celicas, did track days, went to music shows, hit the MTB trails, and focused on what made me ME. I went on a few dates but I HATE dating and some of them honestly ended with me saying "so uh.. you want me to just take you home?"

Then in '03 I met this awesome woman and we became friends. I helped her with car stuff, but kept my distance due to me being wary of my bad judgement before. Plus, I thought she was like 20 at the time and I was 26 and I really wanted to be with someone who was closer to my age and stuff. But, we became great friends for around a year or so and did stuff together - nothing romantic. Then I found out she was my same age, and about 3 days later I went on a trip to Spain for a month and realized the whole time all I was thinking about was her. When I got back I went straight to her place and she opened the door and welcomed me in like she was as excited to see me as I was her. We have been together ever since and I have to say, I am so happy I feel silly. We got married on 07.07.07 and I think we will make it. She is my very best friend, and I cannot take my eyes off her which is a cool combination.

You know... I do not agree. I have heard this a lot, and seen this effect with many of the women I have been with. Granted you should not be wishy-washy and spineless, but the women that needed their man to pick for them ALWAYS and such had their own mental issues that I want nothing to do with. All along the lines of insecurity which really makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck as it reminds me of my ex. You find this with jealous, co-dependent, passive-aggressive and manipulative women of which there is a hearty supply.

Same thing with that "cute" topic that came up in the Scarlett JohansNOMNOMNOM thread. Seriously if a woman was offended that I said she looked cute, she probably has some pretty deep rooted self esteem issues. If a woman needs a specific sort of compliment to not be offended, well, I don't know what to say. My wife looks cute quite often. She also looks hot a lot, other times gorgeous but either way she is pretty secure of herself and is not looking for specific compliments because they tell her something or whatever.

It's like when women say some of my cars are "cute." When you spend your blood sweat and tears building a car that you think is pretty "bad ***" someone can totally deflate the confidence by saying it's a "cute car." I have seen guys get SERIOUSLY pissed about this as well and to me, it's the same thing! The woman is paying a compliment but it's not along the lines of what is wanted, so anger comes out.... Does that make any sense at all? This is why when it happens to me, I smile and say "thanks." or something.

Personally, I feel that confidence is important, but it is absolutely WORTHLESS without integrity and self-esteem. You see so many "confident" guys that look like total douches when they display a complete lack of integrity, and you see the corresponding women go after them and then get pissed off when they are "jerks." Look for the patterns... You will see them.

But thanks for the concern! I guess I should have made it clearer. Seriously, 100% happy with my relationship and I can only hope my wife is too. She's amazing and I wouldn't want to spend my life without her. She's also the best driver I have ever met which is pretty rad as well.

 

Nice post Brucelee! I think this is a needed thread for sure. Mostly everything you said has been true for me as well. I was in a serious relationship for 3 years (damn near engaged) to my college sweetheart. She wanted me to move to Socal....my first two words were... no way!...Socal?? Long story short..a main priority of mine is to live somewhere you love... Socal = no love, (sry to Socal folk), but I absolutely love the mountains, so I moved to Tahoe. We ended up going our seperate ways. I do have a few regrets, but I also didn't feel 100% committed in the relationship. I'm gonna keep it real, there are very few single girls that live and work up here in Tahoe. So, the only real chance to meet a single female are the ones that come up on vacation. Most people move to Tahoe with their significant other, so that leaves us local guys stranded. Trust me, I'm not gonna search in Reno either....

Brucelee - Did you do any research on singles living in certain demographics? Possibly Tahoe area? Thanks!

 

Hopefully your write-up will help someone here. A for effort.

 

Working off of your metaphor:

You really need to make sure you learn to shift through all the gears appropriately though. If you miss a gear you could end up jacking up the whole thing. You also don't want to start off in too high of a gear or you are going to stall the whole thing.

Now just because you didn't "settle" for the girl who's to say she didn't settle for you?

You do have to find a good counterpart in life, but the tricky thing about settling is that you may not know you have done until after the fact.

I am not sure if there is someone out there that is 100% perfect for you. I actually don't believe you really want that anyways. I think most people are very happy finding someone that is somewhere between 80-95% a good fit for you and those relationships will last as you can share your differences and hopefully grow together. If you are less compatible you run a larger risk of the relationship not working in the long run.

Yes, you need to have confidence & self-esteem in order to potentially find a mate. How and where you meet your mate will vary though and there really is no right or wrong way, it just comes down to what way works for you.

Honestly, even in books like "The Mystery Method" they talk about having confidence and looking the part. If you a Wall Flower, Low Self Esteem, avoiding eye contact or not going out at all, smell, rude, annoying, etc. then it really shouldn't be surprising that you aren't in a relationship. Yes I have read that book because my friend bought it for me to read. It's interesting, but I honestly found that a lot of what it (and the show) talk about doing I do already and NO it is not my goal to just "Hook Up" with someone. I actually want to be in a relationship, but I also know certain characteristics in a mate that I am looking for and things that I want to avoid. Hence why I am still single. Good and lasting relationships are really built on a Solid Ground of Truth, Honesty, Trust & Chemistry. I also am huge in to conversations. I need to be mentally stimulated by my partner. If we can't hold conversations then the relationship will die pretty quickly (or may not even get started in the first place).

http://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Method...8&sr=8-1-spell

There are some things in this book and other "Pickup" books that I don't agree with, but a lot of the stuff is stuff that really should be common knowledge. Realize that whenever you meet someone there is a Very Limited window of time that you will get to spark something or else you may very well miss your opportunity. Think about this if you walk in to a room and you meet someone within about 5 seconds of them seeing you there brain is already firing off saying "Yes, No, Maybe So". That is the initial attraction. If you are in the "Yes" category you will be afforded a bit longer window to do something then the "Maybe So" category. If you are in the "No" category then typically nothing will develop between you and that person moving forward.

When you actually engage in a conversation with someone it is just like the opening to a book, movie, whatever. You now have up to about 1 minute to say something engaging that captures the interest of the person and gets them willing to continue talking to you. If you fail this step, then you may not get another chance. If you past this step then you get to now proceed with the conversation and then you and the person will see how that conversation goes and you can determine if it is worth continuing or just moving on. If you want to talk to someone what subject do you and that other person both know best ... answer is "Yourself". Therefore if you get a person talking about themselves then you can usually see how things progress.

 

That's great man, good everything worked out for you. I may not have gone down the exact road you did, but I understand exactly where you are coming from. I dated a girl 7 years before she decided to cheat on me. I think it was the best thing that happened to me.

 

I completely agree. If I wanted a doormat for a girlfriend, I'd buy a f*ck-pillow.

 

I'm glad you changed what you had wrote earlier SaqWarrior.

 

How would you know about the 80s Padawan?

On a side note, being married rocks.

 

yes!

 

Great read, I will keep this in mind.
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