I'm writing a paper for school that focuses on relationships, settling, not settling, and how people behave around the opposite sex. I've read a lot and have done a lot of research on the subject and figured I'd share a little advice with you based off of what I've read in various books. Every book says the same thing and it's all common sense.



So If I had one piece of advice to give all single people on this earth, it would be to NOT settle! I'm not saying to not settle down, I'm telling you not to settle with some gal/guy that you're not 100% in love with.

I had a lot of friend settle with gals right after HS or college because they were desperate for GF's since they never really ever had one, or were the type of people that always need someone in their life. All of their relationships have gone to hell and every single one of them is divorced now, and they all blame it on the fact that they "settled".

All of the people I've talked to have all said that they wished that they would have waited for someone more to their liking, someone that they truly loved and were attracted to (beyond physical) rather then getting together with someone with the hope that you'll adapt and that your partner will change.

It's not going to happen... No one is going to change and you will not become more attracted (again, beyond physicality) to your partner, you marry the person that stood at the alter with you, and it remains that way for the rest of your lives.


People def change throughout their lives, but not enough and not in the right way to cater to ones needs.


With this being said, just because you think you're getting old and wish you had a GF/BF, don't jump on the first one that shows interest in you... That feeling, where someone likes you is def a very nice feeling, but that novelty wears off REALLY fast so remember that. I've always been really picky and never settled, and in return I found the girl of my dreams (never thought it would happen). She's everything I look for in a woman, and on top of that she's UBER brilliant. VERY smart and has two degrees and going for her 3rd degree (she has two bachelors) and is going for her masters. If I would have settled with the girl that came before her, which I very well could have, I wouldn't have my current wife in my life right now and that would be the WORST THING EVER. I'm VERY glad I waited for the right girl, and she's happy that I asked her out that one day... It led to our marriage.


There are A LOT of girls out there and you guys have to be aggressive in order to get these girls! If you're shy and don't go out of your way to make eye contact, conversations, or just smile at girls that you think are pretty, then you're screwed. Girls (most) are scared of guys and girls wont come to you... Girls expect guys to come up to them, but guys are typically too intimidated to do so which is something I never understood. Why do girls scare you? What are you afraid of? Rejection? Everyone gets rejected, but unless the girl has a BF/Husband, your chances are pretty good in getting a phone number!!!

Man up, get out there and find a gal that you're really attracted to and ask her our! What's great about pretty girls is that guys NEVER ask them out because they are too intimidated by them and figure that they all have BF's already since they are so pretty... It's the opposite, hardly any guys every come up to really hot girls for the exact reason mentioned above, so go out an give it a shot! The girl will appreciate the fact that you had the ***** to come out of the blue to buy her a cup of coffee, or to ask her out, etc.


Lets say things work out and you both fall in love. That means that you are going to marry a girl that you are really, REALLY in love with, a girl that is pretty, has interests like yours, and someone who you love to be around..


OR,

You can settle. Instead of having that girl that meets your needs in every way possible, you're going to end up with a girl that you don't have much chemistry with, maybe she likes some of the things you do but you don't have chemistry at all but you felt like you couldn't get anything "better" (something more suited to you). You will be miserable and it will probably end in a divorce, like every single couple I've known from High School that has settled and became a couple for the wrong reasons.


I know this is a long post, but I'm hoping to motivate my fellow BAIC'ers in finding the RIGHT person rather then the wrong person.


I'm writing a paper on relationships and procreation, and is why I posted this thread... Ive done a lot of research that backs up what I said about approaching girls that you think are attractive, and your chances are great as long as you don't look like some slob who hasn't showered in 2 weeks and is wearing the worst possible clothes ever. You have to make sure that you're groomed and dressed well, that's def a key. No matter who you are, you can do this! Trust me on this, I've seen the hottest girls on the planet who are always with the ugliest guys on the planet, why? Because these ugly guys treat their girls really nicely and had the guts to ask them out.

You're not going to win the lotto without playing it, so how do you think you're going to end up with that really hot gal if you don't even try? You think she's gonna come up to you? HA! Good luck with that one. Some of my friends will do some of the craziest things on their bikes and skateboards, they have no fear of getting physically injured and will attempt some crazy tricks knowing damn well that they could get very injured, but when it comes to asking out a girl, "forget that!", and that's a direct quote. Guys are scared of girls and there's no reason to be.

So in short, don't settle, get out there and ask out that girl that you've been wanting to ask out for ages now! Just do it, whats the WORST that can happen? She says no? OH NO! She could also say YES, and then you're set for a date with a hot gal (and more).


I want to see what pimp master Krinkov has to say about the research I've done.


(BTW, this info is based on the goal of marriage and procreation, not one night flings, or any other type of sexual relationship)

 

Good read Hitch, LOL



on the serious, makes sense and looks like you've done your homework!

 

bookmarkd for zoeb

 

Interesting. I settled, married young. That sucked though it has worked out for some people but... I chose poorly. My friends warned me, told me not to, even her brother took me for a walk and said "don't do it, she's not ready." It all made me more resolute in my folly. We got married, within the first year she was sleepin' around (with some of my "friends" no less haha). She said I worked too much and didn't pay her enough attention, and that is why she did what she did. It was pretty silly and overall a huge waste of my young life. There were LOADS of signs, but I purposely ignored them.

 

I'm REALLY, REALLY sorry to hear about that man. That sounds rough, especially knowing that your friends and even her brother warned you.

Men need companionship, and will often settle for the first thing that comes along and pays attention to him. You may think that you're not the best looking guy or have low self esteem for some reason, but always remember, you're the only one who knows you feel that way, people can't read your mind, so sometimes you just have to pretend to be confident (women LOVE men who are confident and can make decisions, even over things like dinner. They need their man to take control and PICK, not sit there and lollygag and say ""I dunno, where would YOU like to go?". That isn't going to fly, you need to stand up and take the steering wheel of that "car" and shift appropriately. When you hit 6th gear, you know you've done well.


Don't ever settle for a girl that shows interest in you. Girls hardly EVER show interest in guys, like to the point where they ask the guy out... It's REALLY rare so thats why you need to grab your ***** and ask out that girl at starbucks who is waiting in line that you think is really cute. How else will you go out with some hot gal?

If you think that it's just going to happen without your intervention, you're living in a dream world. Men need to grow some ***** and learn how to be adults. Asking out a girl isn't that big of a deal... Not really at all. The only person who makes a big deal out of it is you, so it's clear that you need to fight you inner demons before you can excel in the dating world.


The key is to have confidence. Honestly, if you're confident and show a level of interest that the girl is into, you def have your foot in the door. All you need from there is the followup. Confidence will have a huge roll to play in your entire relationship, so focus on that.

If you have any single specific questions about scenarios that you're currently in, please PM me and I'll do my best to answer you. I've DONE A LOT of reading on the subject over the past month and have taken a lot of classes and have done a lot of real life exercises in the class to really give me a good understanding of what relationships are all about, from beginning to end.

 

ouch. sorry to hear that. Are you guys still together or divorced?

 

Where are the usual suspects? They need to check this out.

 

Let me say, I'm not a relationship expert in any way, shape, or form. I'm not forcing any of you to do anything you don't want to do, this thread is 100% based off of my research and I really wish I would have had something like this to read 10 years ago.


Before I met my wife (well, like 5 years before then) I was the biggest geek in the history of time and was soooooooooooo horrible with women due to my insecurities, it wasn't even funny. I should have done this project like 10 years ago, it would have insured many more women then I had due to my insecure nature! Damn insecurities screwed me back then!!! I know a lot of you are in those shoes and all I'm trying to do is help out the best I possibly can.

You guys can all get hot women, it's just a matter of how confident/how you present yourself/your style+interests that will snag you the girl of your dreams.

I hope nobody takes this as something negative, it wasn't meant to be, I'm just trying to help me fellow BAIC'ers based off of a 15 page paper that I have to turn in on Tuesday. (paper is on starting relationships, following through, and into procreation)

 

nice write up!!! I will apply what I read tonight at centerfolds... Ill let you know if I score... although it would not be the first time!









seriously your right alot of guys do settle I am one of them but she is the love of my life,the mother of my son and we complement each other in life, and while she is very book smart (bs and masters ) she is not very street smart....

 

All of this x 1 million.

 

Thanks for chiming in to my thread!


See guys, straight from a girl's mouth! (fingers?)

 

I've never been a fan of settling. However, being picky (and therefore single for a while) can certainly take its toll on you after a while. Its kind of a lose/lose because if you do settle, you're just cruisin' for a bruisin' as it'll eventually fail miserably. But hey, love is a battlefield. Even in the heat of the moment you can't make love out of nothing at all though.

I'm one of those people that prefers to have someone close, but if you don't have anyone that fits the bill at the moment, don't force it. Just go "I wanna be a cowboy," be good to yourself, and take the midnight train going anywhere. You'll learn to not care about whether there is someone next to you throughout your adventures.

 

Here is a much shorter summary...Love with your head, not with your heart. Emotions and human insecurities get in a way of important long term decisions that should be made with a more logical/rational approach. Just my $0.02...

 

Nice read!

 

I agree in many ways, but I think the difference for most people are A: they don't put themselves out there to be seen B: they are out and are completely oblivious.... So for the most part I think everything will happen when it should.