So me and an associate were talking about this new project i'm heading while we take leaks:

Him: "You're making a big name for yourself. Let me let you in on the bottom line, I hear jones is plenty pissed!"

me: "You know he's got this killer rep... but it's a smokescreen. Let's face it, he's lost his teeth, he's a *****"

Him: "Are we talking about the same Dick jones?"

me: "He's old, we're young, that's life"

At that moment, someone comes out of the stall behind us.... it's Dick

He comes up to me and threatens me... HA! mother****er... as if he's gonna do something.

Should I tell the president of our corp?

how did he threaten you?

he pushed me against the bathroom sink and put his hand around my throat :(

thankfully we were in the VIP bathroom so the sinks and stuff were clean.

And that is why you dont talk **** about people in the bathroom.

Don't tell, just kick his ass and make him quit.

did your penis fly out and hit him in the face?? Or was it put away?? :D

-freddie

id tell the company president, then maybe u can get his job.

where do u work anyways? sounds very professional and stuff...

like in the movies


can i work there?

we do a lot of robotics. we just did some robotics for police departments, which got me a pretty good promotion (hence the VIP restroom).

GREAT story! lol!

I talk so much smack at work and I get heard all the time, but it's usually by piss-ants who don't matter. I think it's good that people think you will speak your mind without fear.

Good luck dude! Thanks for the smile this morning!

http://neurosybir.net/nkoan/images/robo_ed209.jpg

Did they stick ED-209 on you after that?

I would watch my back if I were you! Avoid burying your head in tits its distracting, especially when you do coke with whores at your house. You might get a nasty surprise.

i would rat him out to the pres. of the corp. tell him he grabbed your neck and your penis. sexual harrassment yo! :D

Originally posted by nKoan
http://neurosybir.net/nkoan/images/robo_ed209.jpg

Did they stick ED-209 on you after that?


hahahahahah!
Only a few who got it I guess?

Waiting for scott to post the macro........

hahahahahah

nice1

didnt we just watch that the other week ?

Originally posted by Scott@S-Squared
hahahahahah

nice1

didnt we just watch that the other week ?

yeah it was a couple weeks ago if not a month or two :)

At least tell HR. Tell them you were in the restroom, and this dick guy grabs you after you were talking to another associate. Granted, you guys were talking about dick, but still. Be sure to let them know you were voilated and feel appauled that he would resort to physical violence. Bad words do not equal the right for him to touch you. Get this guy back man. If you can't kick his ass, at least get this crap on his file.

"So why did you leave your previous company."

"Uh....yeah I touched this other dude in the bathroom."


:banana:

And you have a witness.

jason

If you want to make sure he keeps his mouth shut you take out his car. slash the tires, throw **** on it, and scratch in the paint, "let's pretend today never happened :).. Mmmkay!"

Or give the Prez a heads up. Make sure you lie your ass off and that your buddy is in on the lie.

-"Dick threatened to Kill me in the restroom! Mike and I were talking about the Kings game and he stormed out of the stall with his pants around his ankles and a knife in hand chanting "Shaq and Kobe"... then ask for a hug.

Originally posted by sonicsuby
he pushed me against the bathroom sink and put his hand around my throat :(

thankfully we were in the VIP bathroom so the sinks and stuff were clean.

F-the old man...he knows his time has come. You should of pissed on his shoe's!!!

-Noah

I'd be very careful about this. it sounds like he is old timer. he may have more politcal backing than you know about.

if you go tell, then HR will have to do something... like some sort of probation if he is worth keeping. though, talking smack doesn't warrant physical response, you did talk smack and you may have said something that threatened his job without realizing it. you were taking a leak and talking at the same time.

talking smack about co-workers is always bad. even if you are good, the boss may not want a trouble maker on the team. the corporate way is to do a good job and make him look like a fool with looking like you are trying to.

You guys are all awesome. Love these forums.

Before this goes too far and I piss people off, I would like to say that todays BAIC funny has been brought to you by:

Robocop (1987)

This was a scene from that film. Thank you and good night! :)

Nice Robocop reference Matt. Unfortunately some of the folks are just too young to have seen the movie and remember that scene.


Is this the guy that grabbed you in the bathroom?
http://www.movieprop.com/tvandmovie/robocop/robo_dickjones.jpg

Originally posted by wrXratd
Nice Robocop reference Matt. Unfortunately some of the folks are just too young to have seen the movie and remember that scene.


Is this the guy that grabbed you in the bathroom?
http://www.movieprop.com/tvandmovie/robocop/robo_dickjones.jpg

That's him!!!!!! That bastard!

Ah i hate you. But this is the first uniquely funny thing that has been posted here in forever (ie, not a NASIOC OT repost). So for that you get kudos!

Originally posted by mexicanpizza
Ah i hate you. But this is the first uniquely funny thing that has been posted here in forever (ie, not a NASIOC OT repost). So for that you get kudos!

Thanks to Soundwave:rolleyes:

Seriously though Matt. Here's what i would do if i was you.

1)Go through the proper steps in your "chain of command" to report the incident. Be sure to have your buddy testify because laying a hand on you is assault, regardless of what you said. If you have to sign a statment, have a little boss meeting or whatever! You can have this man's job in a heartbeat. Just tell the truth (actually doctor it up a tad ;) )

2)If that doesn't work then you need to comfront this man and tell him to back off! Do it in private and be sure you mention how much you can bench press:banana:

3)Kill him.


*Regarding step 1: If you get this man's job or get him fired there's nothing worse than a "useless old man" who just got beat by the "younger buck" know what i mean? This man will be dangerous and ON EDGE. watch your back Matt!

Originally posted by Sisqocqk
Thanks to Soundwave:rolleyes:


yeah, cause everything I post is from NASIOC OT right? you do realize there are other forums i read...

:rolleyes:

Originally posted by soundwave
yeah, cause everything I post is from NASIOC OT right? you do realize there are other forums i read...

:rolleyes:

JOE KING. relax man.

Now on with Matt's issue:)

Also, watch out for Red Forman. He'll probably be the hit man.

But, you might be lucky. Red just may leave a datadisk in your house where Dick confesses to the murder.

i find it funny how you guys like to assume everything i post is straight from nasioc... LOL :banana:

Originally posted by Sisqocqk
JOE KING. relax man.

Now on with Matt's issue:)

IT'S A JOKE, FROM A MOVIE, THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN TO MATT.

i was thinking to myself "UUTF, i thought matt was in training today?"

LOL!!!!!!! YOU MADE MY DAY!!!!




:banana:

So Matt finally got a taste of his own medicine - Some other guy snuck up and owned him from behind...

Matt, Dick looks a little pissed at you in this pic (Matt is on the right):

http://www.devildead.com/robocop/robocop06.jpg

Originally posted by nKoan
Also, watch out for Red Forman. He'll probably be the hit man.

But, you might be lucky. Red just may leave a datadisk in your house where Dick confesses to the murder.

Red Foreman, Tough Guy!

http://www.angelfire.com/hero/robocoplewis/roboco57.jpg

dick! you're fired!!!!

Originally posted by jewpac42
IT'S A JOKE, FROM A MOVIE, THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN TO MATT.

Well excuse me while i update myself on 80's movies.:rolleyes: I was 7ish when robocop came out.:p

Originally posted by Sisqocqk
Well excuse while i update myself on 80's movies.:rolleyes: I was 7ish when robocop came out.:p

You are much older then me, but if you had simply read the thread you would have known it was a Joke.

Great troll Sonicsuby. That was probably my favorite 80's sci fi movie. Up there with "They Live".

Originally posted by jewpac42
You are much older then me, but if you had simply read the thread you would have known it was a Joke.

It's called being employed... you should try it sometime!

Estimating the Airspeed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow
Hashing out the classic question with Strouhal numbers and simplified flight waveforms.
by Jonathan Corum

After spending some time last month trying to develop alternate graphic presentations for kinematic ratios in winged flight, I decided to try to answer one of the timeless questions of science: just what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
What do you mean, an African or European Swallow?

To begin with, I needed basic kinematic data on African and European swallow species.

South African Swallow
(Hirundo spilodera) European Swallow
(Hirundo rustica)

Although 47 of the 74 worldwide swallow species are found in Africa,1 only two species are named after the continent: the West African Swallow (Hirundo domicella) and the South African Swallow (Hirundo spilodera), also known as the South African Cave Swallow.

Since the range of the South African Swallow extends only as far north as Zaire,2 I felt fairly confident that this was the non-migratory African species referred to in previous discussions of the comparative and cooperative weight-bearing capabilities of African and European swallows.3

Kinematic data for both African species was difficult to find, but the Barn or European Swallow (Hirundo rustica) has been studied intensively, and kinematic data for that species was readily available.

It’s a simple question of weight ratios

A 54-year survey of 26,285 European Swallows captured and released by the Avian Demography Unit of the University of Capetown finds that the average adult European swallow has a wing length of 12.2 cm and a body mass of 20.3 grams.4

Because wing beat frequency and wing amplitude both scale with body mass,5 and flight kinematic data is available for at least 22 other bird species,6 it should be possible to estimate the frequency (f ) and amplitude (A) of the European Swallow by a comparison with similar species. With those two numbers, it will be possible to estimate airspeed (U).
In order to maintain airspeed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?

Actually, wrong. By comparing the European Swallow with bird species of similar body mass, we can estimate that the swallow beats its wings 18 times a second with an amplitude of 18 cm:
Species Body mass Frequency Amplitude
Zebra Finch 13 g 27 Hz 11 cm
European Swallow 20 g ≈ 18 Hz? ≈ 18 cm?
Downy Woodpecker 27 g 14 Hz 29 cm
Budgerigar 34 g 14 Hz 15 cm

Note that even the tiny Zebra Finch flaps its wings no more than 27 times a second while cruising.

If we ignore body mass and look only at bird species with a similar wingspan, we can estimate an average frequency of 14 beats per second and an amplitude of 23 cm:
Species Wingspan Frequency Amplitude
Budgerigar 27 cm 14 Hz 15 cm
European Swallow ≈ 28–30 cm ≈ 14 Hz? ≈ 23 cm?
Downy Woodpecker 31 cm 14 Hz 29 cm
European Starling 35 cm 14 Hz 26 cm

By averaging all 6 values, we can estimate that an average European Swallow flies at cruising speed with a frequency of roughly 15 beats per second, and an amplitude of roughly 22 cm.
Skip a bit, Brother

Last month’s article on The Strouhal Number in Cruising Flight showed how simplified flight waveforms that graph amplitude versus wavelength can be useful for visualizing the Strouhal ratio (fA/U), a dimensionless parameter that tends to fall in the range of 0.2–0.4 during efficient cruising flight.

For a European Swallow flying with our estimated wingbeat amplitude of 24 cm, the predicted pattern of cruising flight ranges from a Strouhal number (St) of 0.2:

... to a less efficient 0.4:

If the first diagram (St = 0.2) is accurate, then the cruising speed of the European Swallow would be roughly 16 meters per second (15 beats per second * 1.1 meters per beat). If the second diagram (St = 0.4) is accurate, then the cruising speed of the European Swallow would be closer to 8 meters per second (15 beats per second * 0.55 meters per beat).

If we settle on an intermediate Strouhal value of 0.3:

We can estimate the airspeed of the European Swallow to be roughly 11 meters per second (15 beats per second * 0.73 meters per beat).
Three shall be the number thou shalt count

Airspeed can also be predicted using a published formula. By inverting this midpoint Strouhal ratio of 0.3 (fA/U ≈ 0.3), Graham K. Taylor et al. show that as a rule of thumb, the speed of a flying animal is roughly 3 times frequency times amplitude (U ≈ 3fA).5

We now need only plug in the numbers:
U ≈ 3fA
f ≈ 15 (beats per second)
A ≈ 0.22 (meters per beat)
U ≈ 3*15*0.22 ≈ 9.9

i love this thread...my uncle took me to see robocop in the theaters when it first came out. great movie it's a classic

... to estimate that the airspeed velocity of an unladen European Swallow is 10 meters per second.
Oh, yeah, I agree with that

With some further study, it became clear that these estimates are accurate, though perhaps coincidental.


An actual study of two European Swallows flying in a low-turbulence wind tunnel in Lund, Sweden, shows that swallows flap their wings much slower than my estimate, at only 7–9 beats per second:

“Compared with other species of similar size, the swallow has quite low wingbeat frequency and relatively long wings.” 7

The maximum speed the birds could maintain was 13–14 meters per second, and although the Lund study does not discuss cruising flight in particular, the most efficient flapping (7 beats per second) occurred at an airspeed in the range of 8–11 meters per second, with an amplitude of 90–100° (17–19 cm).
And there was much rejoicing

Averaging the above numbers and plugging them in to the Strouhal equation for cruising flight (fA/U = 7 beats per second * 0.18 meters per beat / 9.5 meters per second) yields a Strouhal number of roughly 0.13:

... indicating a surprisingly efficient flight pattern falling well below the expected range of 0.2–0.4.

I'm with Dre on this one:o

Guard: Halt! Who goes there?

Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot.

King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!

Guard: Who's the other one?

Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length

and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my

court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.

Guard: What, ridden on a horse?

Arthur: Yes.

Guard: You're using coconuts!

Arthur: What?

Guard: You've got two empty 'alves of coconuts and you're bangin' 'em

together!

Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land.

Through the kingdom of Mercia, through...

Guard: Where'd you get the coconuts?

Arthur: (somewhat taken aback) We found them.

Guard: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!

Arthur: What do you mean?

Guard: This is a temperate zone!

Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house maarten or the

plummer may seek warmer climes in winter, but these are not strangers

to our land!

Guard: Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?

Arthur: Not at all! They could be carried.

Guard: (indcredulous) What, a swallow, carrying a coconut?

Arthur: It could grip it by the husk!

Guard: It's not a question of where 'e grips it! It's a simple question of

weight ratios! A five-ounce bird could *not* carry a one-pound

coconut!

Arthur: (exasperated)

Well it doesn't matter! Will you go and tell your master that Arthur

from the court of Camelot is here!



(pause)



Guard: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to

beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?



Arthur: Please!

Guard: (patiently) Am I right.

Arthur: I'm not interested!



( A second guard appears on the rampart. )



G2: It could be carried by an African swallow!

G1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow, maybe, but not a European swallow, that's

my point.

G2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that.

Arthur: (extremely exasperated) Will you ask your master if he wants to join

my court at Camelot!!



(pause)



G1: But then of course, African swallows are non-migratory.

G2: Oh yeah...



(Arthur and Patsy give up and trot away)



G1: So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway.

G2: Wait a minute! Supposing *two* swallows carried it together!

G1: Nooo..... They'd have to have it on a line...

G2: Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!

G1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?

G2: Well, why not?

hijack attempt DENIED.

Hmm, someone wasted entirely too much time researching a monty python sketch. It somehow makes it less funny. =P Now, if someone could research the holy handgrenade, that would be usefull. BOOM!

Greg
ace@inreach.com

Originally posted by soundwave
i find it funny how you guys like to assume everything i post is straight from nasioc... LOL :banana:

Ok ok you might not be reposting it because you saw it on NASIOC, but every single thing you've ever posted has been on NASIOC OT weeks before you post it.

Face it, you're not funny, you'll never be funny, and nobody likes you.







































jk lol :banana: :D

not really that hard...

google -> copy and paste..

probably difficult for some people....

Originally posted by sonicsuby
hijack attempt DENIED.

Ya didn't we do the MP thing a couple of weeks ago in our super post whore thread?

Originally posted by Sisqocqk
It's called being employed... you should try it sometime!

I go to school, thats enough for me thank you.

I'd go to the Pres, dude.

If you don't do anything, the next thing you know you'll end up in court because Dick is suing the company for age discrimination. It DOES happen. You live in California, right?

so how about a job at the robotics place? :D

Asked, and granted!



BROTHER MAYNARD:
Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one.

SECOND BROTHER:
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--

MAYNARD:
Skip a bit, Brother.

SECOND BROTHER:
And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'

MAYNARD:
Amen.

Originally posted by porkchop
Guard: Halt! Who goes there?

Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot.

King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!

Guard: Who's the other one?


The source is wrong here. The guard's line is "Pull the other one!"

Originally posted by Ex-ricer
SECOND BROTHER:
And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'

MAYNARD:
Amen.

Another wrong transcript. The end of theline by the second brother is "being not in My sight, shall snuff it." What's with Michael Palin being misquoted all over the internet?

and yes, I am unemployed... why do you ask? :confused: :p

Originally posted by FUNKED1
Great troll Sonicsuby. That was probably my favorite 80's sci fi movie. Up there with "They Live".

They Live was cool. I watched it the other day even :)

"I came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum...........and i'm all out of bubblegum....."

Yep great movie.
I also like the fact that they are pretty subversive films if you read into them a bit. :)

"I fart in your general direction"
"We are the nights who say 'Nee!'" ;)
Funniest thread I've read in awhile :o

bump!
:D

I'd just like to toot my own horn and say I knew you were talking about Robocop in the original post Matt, nice reference!

god i want 5 minutes of my life back, i read through 2 pages to find out this story was a LIESSSSS, and was talking about some 80's movie that i probabyl wasnt even born yet to watch in the theatures.....

I didnt even bother reading the other two pages...

god i want 5 minutes of my life back, i read through 2 pages to find out this story was a LIESSSSS, and was talking about some 80's movie that i probabyl wasnt even born yet to watch in the theatures.....

I didnt even bother reading the other two pages...

request that from ed, he's the ***** that bumped it and made me read it too

god i want 5 minutes of my life back, i read through 2 pages to find out this story was a LIESSSSS, and was talking about some 80's movie that i probabyl wasnt even born yet to watch in the theatures.....

I didnt even bother reading the other two pages...

2pages??? :confused:

I only see 1. Get off the n00b settings. ;)

:tia:

2pages??? :confused:

I only see 1. Get off the n00b settings. ;)

:tia:

yah what he said

n00b settings > life...... I like clicking next page.... Next page..... NExt page.... Next page.... it helps my reading comprehension

wasn't this in BAIC :D

wasn't this in BAIC :D

yeah, it was a two part bumping strategy. Lets just say, I needed to find a sucker willing to bump the thread :p

dude, i gotta take a major ****

robocop had those futuristic Ford Tourus cop cars. Friggin sweet.

Robocop was ***** compaired to Terminator. Talk about Protect and Serve.


EDIT: Think of it this way, who would you rather have as your governor?

Those Tauruses were sweet!