TEXAS DRINKING RULES:

A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls
out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our
glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice."

An Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass
into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He
says, "In my part of the world we have so much sand to make glasses that
we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."

The Texas cowboy, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it,
throws his glass into the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the
Mexican and the Arab, and catches his glass. He says, "In America we have
so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the
same ones twice."

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

 

AWESOME! That is hilarious and definitely right up my alley I was LOL so loud folks probably think I'm crazy.

edit: left myself open on that one!

 

A man walked into a curio shop in Galveston Texas.

Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very life-like,
life-size bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it
looked so striking that he decided he must have it. He took
it to the owner and asked "How much is the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, a hundred dollars if you bring
it back," said the owner.
The man gave the shop owner twelve dollars. "I'll take
the rat; And I won't be bringing it back."

As he walked down the street carrying the bronze rat,
he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of alleys
and sewers, and began following him down the street.
This was a bit disconcerting, so he began to walk a little
bit faster. Within a couple of blocks, the group of rats
behind him grew to over a hundred, and they began
squealing.

He started to trot towards the Harbor. He took a nervous
look around and saw that the rats numbered in the thousands,
maybe in the millions, and they were all squealing and coming
towards him faster and faster. Terrified, he ran to the edge
of the water and threw the bronze rat as far out into the Harbor
as he could.
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the water after it,
and were drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop. "Aha," said the owner,
"You're bringing it back!"
"Actually no," said the man. "I came back to see how much you want for that little bronze Mexican over there!"

 

Lmao!!!

 

bleh.

 

Should've quit while you were ahead...

 

hehe, yeah the first one was better

 

AHAHHA look at the ad popup for bronze!

That last joke is a bit harsh... I don't wish harm to anyone.

Anyway, here's one I like:

Question: Why don't you ever want to hit a mexican on a bicycle?

Answer: Because it's probably your bike!