Originally Posted by GT35 STI

How healthy is this... I am drinking a tall can of Full Throttle energy drink, and eating a snickers... What's the over/under on how long it's gunna be before my heart explodes?!

Originally Posted by bigpeeler

I work from 11pm to 7am on my new job. I love the shift and the job as well. I sit, by myself, in front of a computer with a T3 (or something) internet connection. I actually "work" maybe 2 out of the 8 hours, otherwise I'm flying across the internet.

To facilitate matters, the hospital provides all the free coffee I can drink. At first, this was cool. But soon I found I needed a more concentrated caffiene boost. Drinking cup after cup of coffee soon led to trip after trip to the urinal. I toyed with the idea of a catheter, then contemplated wearing Depends, but ruled out both ideas for the sake of convenience and smell.

One night after fueling up my trusty mini-van for $8,457.00, I went into the gas station to pay the clerk. I mentioned I was in need of a good liquid boost of energy and his crusty ears perked up.

"Hey dude, check out those Rockstar energy drinks in the cooler. The 16oz cans are 2 for $3.00 and they really work. Oh, and that's $8,457.00 for the gas."

So I bought 2 cans. I drank one on the ride to work and before I got out of the car, I could feel the wonderful creep-crawly feeling of the caffiene doing it's evil work. AWESOME!!

Before slithering into my cubicle, I grabbed a cup of ice and poured the other can of nectar over the rocks. This I nursed for the next couple of hours. By time the sun reared it's hideous buzz-killing head around 5:30am, Bigpeeler was running about right. I was loving it.

I soon was stopping by the aforementioned gas station every night to purchase my new found mother's milk. And by now, I had started buying 2 24oz cans instead of the puny, girly-sized 16oz cans. That's 48 ounces of liquid lightning every night. 48 ounces multiplied by 5 nights equals.....er....a lot of Rockstar energy drink.

Anyway, everything was going perfect (isn't that always a sign of disaster?) for a few weeks. Then one night at work, I got up to use the bathroom. I addressed the urinal, gun in hand, and......and.......nothing. I mean, I felt the urge like I had 1000's of times before, but this time something was amiss. I "pushed". Again nothing.

Hmmmm....

Seeing I had plenty of time on my hands, I switched tactics. I entered a stall, dropped trou and sat down. I figured I might as well lay some cable while I was there and maybe that would instigate the waterworks. Dum dee dum...dee dee doo..PLOP. Stage one accomplished. Now for the after-turd squirt.

All of the sudden, I feel this..this thing coursing through my urethra. I feel it glide up the shaft of my schwantz towards daylight. I'm thinking, "ALIEN!!!". I feel it explode out of my skooch followed by a stream of hot fresh urine. My feeling of bladder relief was tinged with a modicum of pain.

As a rule, I don't stand apres-**** and look into the bowl. This time was different. I had to look. I half expected to see the baby from Eraserhead laying in the bowl looking back at me. I was half right. What I saw was something like this.





I stood and just stared at it. It was this long strand of tissue and blood and the blood was spreading into the water. I was mortified. The first thing I thought (besides "ALIEN!!!") was "TUMOR!!!". Visions of prostate cancer roared through my head. Then without thought, or rather with sub-conscious thought, I grabbed my sack. I felt my *****. Left one, normal size and still ball-shaped. Right one, ditto. OK, I guess.

I looked back in the bowl and decided since I work at a hospital, I'll pick up my new little friend and go show him off to a nurse. I ran back to my cubicle, grabbed a plastic bag, ran back to the ****ter, took a deep breath and plunged my hand into the now soupy bowl. The "strand" was still floating there. I hooked it with my finger and took it to the sink. I carefully rinsed the **** from it and put it into the bag. To the nurse I went.
_______________

The next day, the nurse called me and explained that what I had given birth too was an accumulation of "product" that had been slowly lining my bladder. She wanted to see a can of Rockstar so that she could examine the ingredients. After doing so, she and the lab concluded that one of the ingredients in Rockstar (and apparently Mountain Dew's MDX) is a vegetable oil-based substance that taken in retardedly large quantites, would accumulate instead of assimilate in one's body. It would then adhere to one's bladder and hinder pissing. You could get a little squirt off but soon the gunk would simply plug the hole.

They put me on a strict water intake program over the weekend which basically flushed me out. Ohhhh the items that I have pissed out over the past couple of days. Peeeee.....chunk.....peeee....chunk....peee...chun k....But now I'm fine.

Oh, I went to the gas station over the weekend to fill up my work van. I went inside and saw the same guy who recommended the Rockstars in the beginning of this sordid tale. Before I could say anything, he said, "Hey man, I gotta tell you something. You might want to lay off those Rockstars. I've been drinking those Mountain Dew MDX's and man, I can't even take a ****!!"

Drinkers beware!

Originally Posted by ryball

Dude, that is horrible drunken bar logic.

Originally Posted by Sky92x

No matter how good that last piece of salmon looks,
No matter how hungry you think you are,

DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT eat a piece of fish that might be 'past its time.'

Because the flavor of salmon chunks swimming upstream in your esophagus is a whole new layer of flavor hell to discover.

Originally Posted by Mr. Xevious

this was posted on SomethingAwful.com, and I think it fits perfect here

Originally Posted by x002x

she's chinese

Originally Posted by GT35 STI

:rotfl: Nice story scott... wonder if full throttle has that stuff too

Originally Posted by Sky92x

No matter how good that last piece of salmon looks,
No matter how hungry you think you are,

DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT eat a piece of fish that might be 'past its time.'

Because the flavor of salmon chunks swimming upstream in your esophagus is a whole new layer of flavor hell to discover.

Originally Posted by sybir

Do you want to take that chance?
It already burns when you pee, right?

Originally Posted by GT35 STI

burning is an understatement... more feels like little firey gnomes are coming out, followed by a white ***** residue... So peeing out some little clot of vegatable oil isn't really scaring me right now

Originally Posted by GT35 STI

burning is an understatement... more feels like little firey gnomes are coming out, followed by a white ***** residue... So peeing out some little clot of vegatable oil isn't really scaring me right now

Originally Posted by rau

what kinda ****** have YOU been banging man!? DAMN!!!!