So I was out in Folsom yesterday and crossed paths
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From: Pimpin' tards
So I was out in Folsom yesterday and crossed paths
with a stray older retarded man as he was licking the barber shop window. I think he wanted to go inside to have his tongue shaved or somethig like that.
Being the nice guy I am I got one of my dog's leashes and choke collars out of the trunk of my car and took the old fella for a walk around town to see if I could find out where he belonged. When we passed the drug store, he saw balloons in the window and refused to go any further. No matter how hard I tugged on the leash and no matter how tight the choke collar got this old bastard would not move. I finally tied him up to the bumper of a Jeep in the parking lot and went inside to get a balloon for him - after all I am a soft hearted humanitarian kind of guy and I could not resist the look in this old tard's eyes.
Much to my dismay, when I came out of the store the jeep was gone and the teathered tard was nowhere to be found. Concerned that serious harm might come to him I jumped in my car and took off down the street following a trail of oil that started in the parking space the jeep was in all the while having Griswaldian images of a poor old tard ground up by high speed contact with asphalt.
After a minute or so of high speed driving I saw the funniest thing - there was a jeep driving down the road with a dancing retard behind it. Well maybe he was not really dancing, perhaps it was more of a bow legged gallop (if you have ever seen the special olympics you know what I am talking about). After getting the attention of the senile old lady in the jeep and getting her to pull over I found out that the mental midget belonged to her and had wandered off earlier in the day.
On top of that she told me her son has a car similar to mine only it is black - imagine that! Can you imagine how many stars and planets had to align themselves for an incredible coincidence like that to take place?
Being the nice guy I am I got one of my dog's leashes and choke collars out of the trunk of my car and took the old fella for a walk around town to see if I could find out where he belonged. When we passed the drug store, he saw balloons in the window and refused to go any further. No matter how hard I tugged on the leash and no matter how tight the choke collar got this old bastard would not move. I finally tied him up to the bumper of a Jeep in the parking lot and went inside to get a balloon for him - after all I am a soft hearted humanitarian kind of guy and I could not resist the look in this old tard's eyes.
Much to my dismay, when I came out of the store the jeep was gone and the teathered tard was nowhere to be found. Concerned that serious harm might come to him I jumped in my car and took off down the street following a trail of oil that started in the parking space the jeep was in all the while having Griswaldian images of a poor old tard ground up by high speed contact with asphalt.
After a minute or so of high speed driving I saw the funniest thing - there was a jeep driving down the road with a dancing retard behind it. Well maybe he was not really dancing, perhaps it was more of a bow legged gallop (if you have ever seen the special olympics you know what I am talking about). After getting the attention of the senile old lady in the jeep and getting her to pull over I found out that the mental midget belonged to her and had wandered off earlier in the day.
On top of that she told me her son has a car similar to mine only it is black - imagine that! Can you imagine how many stars and planets had to align themselves for an incredible coincidence like that to take place?
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From: Pimpin' tards
Originally Posted by kellie
Softhearted humanitarian, my ***! I don't even know you and I wanna beat you up. You're going to hell, little man.
I got the dimwit back to his handler didn't I? Hell she probably set him free on purpose because she was tired of changing his depends and dressing him every day. I bet it is harder to dress a retard than it is to dress a dead hooker.
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Originally Posted by Ali G
... I bet it is harder to dress a retard than it is to dress a dead hooker.
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From: Pimpin' tards
Originally Posted by sonicsuby
What if the dead hooker was retarded?
The dead ones just sort of lay there like Josie...
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Originally Posted by Ali G
You see, when they are dead they are not as visibly shaken and do not flail around like Michael J Fox on crack.
The dead ones just sort of lay there like Josie...
The dead ones just sort of lay there like Josie...
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Originally Posted by Ali G
OK, you are right. That was out of line.
She does not lay there like a dead hooker, more like a dead "girl next door".
Is that better?
She does not lay there like a dead hooker, more like a dead "girl next door".
Is that better?