Just to let everyone know what this was: I finally ran out of time to fix this. I took it to Subaru and it turns out that the timing belt with about 30k on it had slipped 3 teeth. $380 later the problem is fixed.

 

Ewwww...never saw that one coming...

 

Yeah, it really sucks, but I am selling the car this Friday to a good friend, so I'll have the cash I need to pay off some debt.