A co-worker of mine (who, for the record, drives a heavily modded Supra) and myself had a long conversation a while back on what exactly makes a car "rice," and which particular add-ons would push an otherwise decent car over that edge into tacky oblivion. Ever since then we've been e-mailing a list of "100% rice" car mods around our circle of friends, and I thought I'd present you with the fruits of our labor and see what you think (and what you can add).

Note, for the purpose of this discussion, "rice" is actually Ridiculously Innapropriate Car Enhancements or Retarded, Idiotic Car Enhancements rather than a derogatory term for asian-made cars...

OK, so here's our list so far:

1) Out-of-Bounds Lighting: any lighting, especially neon or LED, which is outside of the normal areas for car lighting (dash, dome, headlights, taillights). Bonus rice for LED wiper fluid lights, valve stem lights, lighted shift ***** or blacklights of any kind in any location.

2) Imaginary Sponsors: any decal, sticker, logo or stencil of a company on your car which did not actually sponsor your car for a race or provide you with equipment. Bonus rice for companies that actually don't make parts for your particular car (such as a Nismo sticker on an Altima).

3) Innapropriate Badging: having any badge on your car that didn't come from the factory and doesn't actually reflect what is under the hood (i.e. sticking an M3 logo on a BMW 330i). Bonus rice for adding an "R" to any car that did not ship as an "R" model; extra special bonus rice for making up a new type of car that never existed (such as the Geo Tracker XL that parks down the street from me, or the Altima with the Lexus logo on it at my workplace).

3.5) Stealth Debadgeing: removing the badging from your car completely, for the purpose of fooling others into thinking it is a different/better car (this is often aided by blackout kits for the windows and a $40 APC muffler). Many an Altima tries to get by as a Maxima this way.

4) Anything APC: this pretty much goes without saying that any APC products or anything straight from the "mod" shelf at Pep Boys is a serious rice violation. Bonus points for clear corners/altezzas with really bad fittment; extra bonus points for any axleback exhaust; ultimate bonus rice points for an APC windshield banner sticker.

Exhaust changes have such rice potential that we broke this one down into subcategories:

5a) Chronic Flatulence: any use of said $40 APC axleback "muffler" on an otherwise stock drivetrain, accompanied by a totally inapropriate rise in noise levels and zero to negative performance gain. Bonus rice points for fake titanium "bluing" around tip.

5b) the Myth of Girth: any exhaust tip at or over 4", period; any large-diameter muffler exhaust mated to a normal (2-inch) exhaust system; any chrome "ring" bolted to the stock muffler exhaust pipe that attempts to make it *look* like a 3" exhaust. Yes, we know some cars come from the factory this way!

5c) Seeing Double: adding dual exhaust to any car that came from the factory with a single pipe, regardless of whether it is a Civic or a Porsche. Bonus rice for any exhaust routing that actually adds backpressure and restricts flow in the process of producing that extra outlet.

5d) Side Farting: venting your exhaust behind the rear passenger door or in front of the rear wheel well on any car that doesn't spend 100% of its time on the track. News flash: your car is not a motorcycle, or a Shelby Cobra.

I'll add the rest later, I don't want to hit the post length limit.