Something really terrible has happened (serious thread)
11-22-2010, 02:35 PM
#1
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Something really terrible has happened (serious thread)
I'm really lost right now and can't talk to anyone about it without starting to weep, which is why I'm posting about it online, it just makes it easier to get things out when you're not face to face with someone...
Lets get straight to it:
2 days ago I got a phone call from a FRANTIC woman that started yelling and kept repeating the same thing over and over.... "Please come to Aaron's house, he's not well, please come I need help"... She was crying and gasping for air... Immediately I got into my car and hauled some serious *** to my friend Aaron's house. As I got there the place was swarming with cops, a fire truck, and an ambulance. That's when my stomach sunk and I started feeling sick because I knew something horrible had happened...
Before I give the full details, let me give you some background. Aaron is my really good friend, he was one of my only friends when I first came to America, while other kids made fun of me for my German accent and stupid childish things like that, he was always there to protect me and thus we became really great friends. We went through every grade together, from 2nd to 12th grade and always had good times when we hung out... He was like a brother from another mother (at least that's what we'd say to each other).
In High School I never took the school work too seriously so I wasn't exactly the best student but he was... He always had A's and was accepted to many great colleges, however, when we graduated he decided that he wanted to follow in his fathers and grandfathers footsteps and to enlist in the Marines. He was almost immediately sent to the sandbox (Iraq) and he was a gunner (.50 cal gunner on top of the tank turret).
After his first tour he came back and was different... He used to always be positive, outgoing, loud, funny, and just overall a great person to hang out with... After his first tour he started drinking pretty heavily which concerned me because he was never the type to drink. Him and I would talk about the things that bothered him, and from what he told me about the war I really can't blame him for escaping the horrors of war with alcohol. He was not proud of what he was ordered to do, the things he HAD to do... That includes killing innocent kids as well as innocent civilians who posed a potential threat. He'd tell me about how kids would be strapped with bombs just so they could get close to the soldiers and blow them all up (how ****ed up is that!?)... Kids often played with non-working/toy guns which from a distance looks like a real gun so he had no choice but to mow down anyone who could have put his unit in danger.
That is what bothered him more than anything... It was so hard to talk about, he couldn't do it without crying intensely, but he felt comfortable talking with me for some reason so I knew what kind of trauma he was going through.
After his first tour, he was sent on a second tour which was even more difficult for him than the first. It was the same type of situation, and as before he came back with a slew of problems related to PTSD... His fiancee ended up leaving him, he couldn't work due to his anxiety and depressed and started going down a spiral of self loathing, guilt, shame, and every other bad emotion that he could have possibly had. He sought out help from various therapists who specialize in this sort of thing but it did little to help him... They had him on a bunch of medicines (which he HATED taking). He couldn't sleep at night, during the day he was a zombie... Just very disconnected and totally opposite of the way he was prior to his first tour in the sandbox from hell.
He was summoned for his third tour over there which made him panic, depressed, and scared to death... He tried getting out of it by claiming he had really bad post traumatic stress disorder but his letter fell on deaf ears and he was assigned to go back.
Now for the really screwed up part. When I showed up to his house and talked with his mom (who originally called me, and was the one to find his lifeless body) I discovered what actually happened. He had an old baracuda that he was really proud of since he built it from the ground up... He closed his garage and put towels in the areas where air could get in, turned on the car and sat inside while listening to music... At one point he changed his mind and decided that he didn't want to die and he scrambled to get out of the car and into the house so he could get fresh air, but it was too late... His body collapsed just a few feet away from the door.
He left a note and said "I can't go back to hell again, the horrors I saw and the things I was ordered to do are so horrific that I can't even explain what hell on earth really is like. I'm sorry, I love you all and please understand that this was the only way for me to escape my own private prison in hell. I've lost everything and there's nothing in this world to look forward to because I've seen hell, I've been to hell, and no matter what happens in the future, my scars are so deep that I'll never be able to enjoy things like I did before I signed up for the end of my life" (That's a rough translation of what I remember).
If you didn't read that whole thing, here's a brief summery:
CLIFF NOTES (Please try to read the whole thing, Aaron deserves to have his story told so please take the extra couple mins to read the post, please)
I had a really good friend that I've known since I was in the 2nd grade (when I first came to America). He was always a great friend and a great student, instead of going straight to college he wanted to follow in his family's footsteps of being a marine. While he was in the sandbox he saw things and did things that no man/woman should ever have to do, and that included mowing down kids and women due to potential threads (he was ordered to do it, it wasn't his choice or anything). He was ordered in for his 3rd tour and instead of going back to hell on earth he took his own life. He sealed his garage with towels to keep it air tight, turned on his car and listened to his fav songs.... At one point he realized the gravity of the situation and changed his mind, he scambled to get out of the car to get into the house and away from the fumes but he fell to the floor just a few feet away from the door. The found his body lying where it fell on that day, his mother found his body... I met up with her a few hours after it happened and I can honestly say that I've never seen anything more disturbing/sad than her reaction to finding her dead son.
To all of you who have served in the armed forces and had to go through hell, THANK YOU. I know saying "thank you" doesn't really mean **** but I want you all to know that we all appreciate your sacrifices so that we American's can live in a country with Freedom, a country where we have rights... It's all thanks to you soldiers, so please know that we all do appreciate everything you have done for us in the name of Freedom and peace. There's a funny saying "Peace through superior firepower", and I wish there was a better way for us to achieve peace, but people die for our peace and these people deserve our ABSOLUTE respect, no matter who they are or what they did. Without them we wouldn't have the things we take for granted every day. Thank you to all our soldiers, past and present.
RIP to Aaron L. 6-1-1980 to 11-19-10
You will be missed my brother, I'm going to miss you so much... We all will. Thank you for your sacrifices and in my eyes you were a hero.
Damn, I'm really doing bad right now...
Lets get straight to it:
2 days ago I got a phone call from a FRANTIC woman that started yelling and kept repeating the same thing over and over.... "Please come to Aaron's house, he's not well, please come I need help"... She was crying and gasping for air... Immediately I got into my car and hauled some serious *** to my friend Aaron's house. As I got there the place was swarming with cops, a fire truck, and an ambulance. That's when my stomach sunk and I started feeling sick because I knew something horrible had happened...
Before I give the full details, let me give you some background. Aaron is my really good friend, he was one of my only friends when I first came to America, while other kids made fun of me for my German accent and stupid childish things like that, he was always there to protect me and thus we became really great friends. We went through every grade together, from 2nd to 12th grade and always had good times when we hung out... He was like a brother from another mother (at least that's what we'd say to each other).
In High School I never took the school work too seriously so I wasn't exactly the best student but he was... He always had A's and was accepted to many great colleges, however, when we graduated he decided that he wanted to follow in his fathers and grandfathers footsteps and to enlist in the Marines. He was almost immediately sent to the sandbox (Iraq) and he was a gunner (.50 cal gunner on top of the tank turret).
After his first tour he came back and was different... He used to always be positive, outgoing, loud, funny, and just overall a great person to hang out with... After his first tour he started drinking pretty heavily which concerned me because he was never the type to drink. Him and I would talk about the things that bothered him, and from what he told me about the war I really can't blame him for escaping the horrors of war with alcohol. He was not proud of what he was ordered to do, the things he HAD to do... That includes killing innocent kids as well as innocent civilians who posed a potential threat. He'd tell me about how kids would be strapped with bombs just so they could get close to the soldiers and blow them all up (how ****ed up is that!?)... Kids often played with non-working/toy guns which from a distance looks like a real gun so he had no choice but to mow down anyone who could have put his unit in danger.
That is what bothered him more than anything... It was so hard to talk about, he couldn't do it without crying intensely, but he felt comfortable talking with me for some reason so I knew what kind of trauma he was going through.
After his first tour, he was sent on a second tour which was even more difficult for him than the first. It was the same type of situation, and as before he came back with a slew of problems related to PTSD... His fiancee ended up leaving him, he couldn't work due to his anxiety and depressed and started going down a spiral of self loathing, guilt, shame, and every other bad emotion that he could have possibly had. He sought out help from various therapists who specialize in this sort of thing but it did little to help him... They had him on a bunch of medicines (which he HATED taking). He couldn't sleep at night, during the day he was a zombie... Just very disconnected and totally opposite of the way he was prior to his first tour in the sandbox from hell.
He was summoned for his third tour over there which made him panic, depressed, and scared to death... He tried getting out of it by claiming he had really bad post traumatic stress disorder but his letter fell on deaf ears and he was assigned to go back.
Now for the really screwed up part. When I showed up to his house and talked with his mom (who originally called me, and was the one to find his lifeless body) I discovered what actually happened. He had an old baracuda that he was really proud of since he built it from the ground up... He closed his garage and put towels in the areas where air could get in, turned on the car and sat inside while listening to music... At one point he changed his mind and decided that he didn't want to die and he scrambled to get out of the car and into the house so he could get fresh air, but it was too late... His body collapsed just a few feet away from the door.
He left a note and said "I can't go back to hell again, the horrors I saw and the things I was ordered to do are so horrific that I can't even explain what hell on earth really is like. I'm sorry, I love you all and please understand that this was the only way for me to escape my own private prison in hell. I've lost everything and there's nothing in this world to look forward to because I've seen hell, I've been to hell, and no matter what happens in the future, my scars are so deep that I'll never be able to enjoy things like I did before I signed up for the end of my life" (That's a rough translation of what I remember).
If you didn't read that whole thing, here's a brief summery:
CLIFF NOTES (Please try to read the whole thing, Aaron deserves to have his story told so please take the extra couple mins to read the post, please)
I had a really good friend that I've known since I was in the 2nd grade (when I first came to America). He was always a great friend and a great student, instead of going straight to college he wanted to follow in his family's footsteps of being a marine. While he was in the sandbox he saw things and did things that no man/woman should ever have to do, and that included mowing down kids and women due to potential threads (he was ordered to do it, it wasn't his choice or anything). He was ordered in for his 3rd tour and instead of going back to hell on earth he took his own life. He sealed his garage with towels to keep it air tight, turned on his car and listened to his fav songs.... At one point he realized the gravity of the situation and changed his mind, he scambled to get out of the car to get into the house and away from the fumes but he fell to the floor just a few feet away from the door. The found his body lying where it fell on that day, his mother found his body... I met up with her a few hours after it happened and I can honestly say that I've never seen anything more disturbing/sad than her reaction to finding her dead son.
To all of you who have served in the armed forces and had to go through hell, THANK YOU. I know saying "thank you" doesn't really mean **** but I want you all to know that we all appreciate your sacrifices so that we American's can live in a country with Freedom, a country where we have rights... It's all thanks to you soldiers, so please know that we all do appreciate everything you have done for us in the name of Freedom and peace. There's a funny saying "Peace through superior firepower", and I wish there was a better way for us to achieve peace, but people die for our peace and these people deserve our ABSOLUTE respect, no matter who they are or what they did. Without them we wouldn't have the things we take for granted every day. Thank you to all our soldiers, past and present.
RIP to Aaron L. 6-1-1980 to 11-19-10
You will be missed my brother, I'm going to miss you so much... We all will. Thank you for your sacrifices and in my eyes you were a hero.
Damn, I'm really doing bad right now...
11-22-2010, 02:56 PM
#5
I am very sorry to hear about your friend. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and his family and his friends. I know all to well what suicide is like as I lost my father 10 yrs ago Dec 3 and then my mother 4 months later. Since then several friends to it as well. My heart goes out to anyone having to go through rough times like these.
11-22-2010, 03:16 PM
#8
Friendly Neighborhood Ogre
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I haven't been able to sleep worth a day since I found out, no OTC sleep aids do ANYTHING, so if anyone has a couple extra ambiens or similar, please PM me. Im so desperate to sleep...
Thanks for everyone's respectful posts, I aplogize for possible spelling and grammar, but Ive been up toooooooooooo long that it's hard to focus.
Thanks for everyone's respectful posts, I aplogize for possible spelling and grammar, but Ive been up toooooooooooo long that it's hard to focus.
11-22-2010, 03:17 PM
#9
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holy **** Dan, this is really ****ed up, I dont even know what to say. Theres going to be alot more guys coming home like this. The whole thing is ****ed. 
RIP
RIP
11-22-2010, 03:18 PM
#10
Friendly Neighborhood Ogre
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I am very sorry to hear about your friend. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and his family and his friends. I know all to well what suicide is like as I lost my father 10 yrs ago Dec 3 and then my mother 4 months later. Since then several friends to it as well. My heart goes out to anyone having to go through rough times like these.
11-22-2010, 03:35 PM
#14
I'm sorry for your loss and my prayers tonight will be for your friend and his family. I had a similar situation to yours with a childhood friend in NY. Some people are effected by war far worse than others and their mind snaps.
11-22-2010, 03:40 PM
#15
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Guys, I dont know why but your responses really do make me feel better. Thanks all for the kind words and showing that you actually care.
I just wish I could sleep... Everytime I go lay down and close my eyes, I just re-live the situation over and over, my heart starts beating and I am wide awake and in a cold sweat.
Thanks to all our i-club military folks! We're all proud of you and thank you for signing up to help our nation and ensure that we Americans are safe from outsiders. Thank you, I wish I could say something more meaningful, but know that it comes from the heart.
I just wish I could sleep... Everytime I go lay down and close my eyes, I just re-live the situation over and over, my heart starts beating and I am wide awake and in a cold sweat.
Thanks to all our i-club military folks! We're all proud of you and thank you for signing up to help our nation and ensure that we Americans are safe from outsiders. Thank you, I wish I could say something more meaningful, but know that it comes from the heart.