Its been a long time since Ive posted anything, so Im kinda sad that this has to be my first post in a while, but I need some help with a sitaution Im facing. To start off, a little background info:

Back in May of this year, my gf and I broke up after a year together. It was a very, very, very messy break up, full of her lies, and it involved my best friend whom I had known my entire life. Well, she accused him of raping her when in reality it was consensual...happened 3 times. I no longer speak to him, and I probably shouldnt speak to her either, but I truly care about her, even after all this....so much so that I cannot sit by and just watch this play out. So here is where things stand now...

A friend of mine ran into her in Safeway the other day and called me after. My friend told me she is a walking skeleton now. Apparently there is a picture of Nicole Richie on the cover of People this month and that is what my friend used to describe my ex to me. Here is the kicker...since we have broken up, I have learned a lot of things that she hid from me while we were together. She had put together four or five "E" parties while I was with her and I refused to take part...she smoked her fair share of grass as well...but what she hid from me was the yay. I knew about it, just not to what extent she was doing it. Im not one to say that kind of **** is the devil and do not do it...by all means have your fun...but there is a line between having fun and having a SERIOUS problem, and it is completely obvious that she has a serious problem. Now, apparently she has graduated to crank but that is based on hearsay bullcrap with no solid evidence other than her disgustingly emaciated appearance...but she is dating a 30 year old loser (she and I are both 22) who has no job, lives at home with dad, no car, and plans to open a tattoo parlor with the profits from his buddy harvesting their mary jane crop, so I know he is contributing to her downward spiral, but I cannot place all the blame on him. She makes her own decisions.

My dilema is...what do I do...sit back and let her get what is coming to her after how she treated me and possibly watch her destroy her life? Or do I intervene some how, talk to her parents, or whatever else I can do? Her group of friends is by no means good for her, and I believe that is part of why she has takin this kind of thing so far. It kills me to think that she is doing this to herself because again, I do still care about her. Any insight, advice, comments, anything is welcome, even if its,"hey bro, you're an idiot for carin about her after what she did to you".

-Patrick

 

If you've ever seen that 'intervention' show, it shows how effective they can be. But I've also noticed that the tweakers are always the ones that re-lapse.

Your best bet is to distance yourself from this girl and get on with making your life a success....after the false rape allegations she's shown herself to be a crazy woman.

Be thankful your not still involved.

 

Im sorry to hear this. If you are mentioning meth, than thats most likely the problem. I have lost many friends to meth, its quite sad.

Do your part to be a friend since you really care about her, but do not let her take advantage of you.....people that are addicted to meth will F**K you over anyway possible. Dont let it happen to you.

Best wishes.

 

You have to let her hit bottom. Addics wont get sober unless they are ready to. If I were you I would just distance myself from her and let her crash, there is really not much you can do man. She will never be the same girl you dated, even if she gets sober. Just pray for her, or keep her in your thoughts... whatever you do.

 

a friend in need is a friend indeed.
a friend with weed is better.
man that song is so relevant in this situation.

if i were you i'd want to help out any way i could, but it might not be well recieved until she, well, hits rock bottom?

 

as much as i want to say " help her out, she needs you ", i advise you stay away from her. she will only pull you down with her if you try and help her.

let her hit rock bottom, so she wants to have help. at that point is when you step in....

 

An addict has to hit bottom, own that they have a problem and request help before there is anything that anyone can do to change their direction.

The emotional roller coaster that she will put you through if you hang around her will be sheer hell. I'm talking from experience.

I would strongly recommend that you RUN not walk in the opposite direction from this former gf of yours. There is NOTHING that you can do for her at the moment.

 

if she's not seeking for help, dont offer it. that's how i see it. because in the end, if you offer help without her asking for it, she'll never realize/respect/appreciate it.

 

just sit back, kick back, and watch her neighborhood get bushwacked...

ok sorry old school smash mouth...


anyways. i wouldn't help her out. she is straight up WAPCE. so far from what I've read, she's slept with your ex best friend, and she's a druggie. and she's dating an older no-life druggie. i mean drugs are cool and all, I've had my fair share, but she obviously crossed the line from turning it from fun into a habit. and she crossed the line when she straight up held her little E parties, and she crossed the line when she slept with your homie.

summary: let her be. put it in the past and let her deal with her own problems. I'm sure you have your own problems to deal with...everyone does.

 

Yup. She'll screw you over again. Don't screw your own life over. There are plenty of fish in the sea and ones that won't screw you and hurt you. And your "ex-best friend" should be kicked in the nuts. Bros before hoes.

 

yup! bros before hoes!

 

Reading this now kinda makes sense why you freaked out on me while you two were dating thinking that I was trying to hook up with her when I was really just trying to get to know folks in BAIC a couple years back.

Well dood, that really sucks, it is a hard place to be in for you. A close friend of mine was a drug rehab counselor at Janis in Santa Cruz(she is now working in child mental health) for a long time, and it is really hard to get someone in her situation to change.
She needs to get in to a program to help her stop the drugs, she needs to get a new set of friends cause the ones she as are obviously no good. And she really needs support from her close friends(which you are probably the only one) and family.

Even if there is nothing left between you two relations wise, a true friend would make time to help that friend out of the rut they are in.

druggie's love druggie's cause they both share the same misery. she needs to get clean before anything else man. If you can help be the support she needs, and you care enough then do it!

 

tough position to be in, sorry.

I would do everything I could BUT at a distance. Do NOT get directly involved. I would make sure her parents are involved. You could always call the cops on her if you find out about a party that she's attending (through an anonymous tip of course).

 

Wow, everyone has some really good info to offer. What glenspen and subie OCD said are dead on. Be careful, watch your back whatever you do and USE YOUR HEAD. Think everything through. If something doesn't seem or feel right it probably isn't. Sounds so much like my ex that it gave me chills to read. She had a lot of people in her life who genuinely cared about her, and she burned every bridge - eventually moved out of the area. She had no qualms about effing anyone over for even the smallest thing.

You have basically two routes - one is to save yourself, cut all ties, don't look back and find/make a hobby to keep you busy and keep your mind off this. Gravitate towards good people that you have respect for and would aspire to be like.

The other route is to try to help which is awesome but know two things: nothing can be done until she is clean and sober for a little bit and watch your back! I know I said that second one twice but for good reason. As far as getting sober, as hard as it sounds - serious drugs warp your reality - try to imagine processing logic in that state. Anything you can do will backfire and not really get anywhere unless she is awake and aware. Sounds like she is in trouble, lost, looking for something and the drugs have given her a break from her reality.

 

Totally different chick man, you're thinking of Miranda, and I dont recall ever freaking out about you trying to get to know her...so if I said anything malicious to you back then I apologize, but I never thought you were tryin to get with her.

And thank you to the rest of you...I do appreciate all your advice.