Need a pre-holiday laugh BAIC?
11-26-2008, 04:27 PM
#1
Need a pre-holiday laugh BAIC?
Here is a joke I think I've only told the MVKK crew......
An 80 year old man goes to his doctor's office and says " I need four pills of Viagra. RIGHT NOW!!!"
The doctor, puzzled, asks " Why on earth would you need four pills of Viagra?"
The man exclaims that " My wife is leaving tomorrow, my girlfriend is coming over the day after, my other girlfriend comes over the day after that, and my wife comes home on the fourth day"
The doctor replies " So I know you didn't ****ing kill yourself, come back and see me on the fifth day. That way I know you haven't died "
So the doctor writes the prescription, gets him the pills, and the old man goes on his merry way.
On the fifth day, the old man comes back to see the doctor, wearing a sling on his right arm.
The doctor, shocked, says "What the blue **** happened to you!?"
The old man replies......
"No one came over."
An 80 year old man goes to his doctor's office and says " I need four pills of Viagra. RIGHT NOW!!!"
The doctor, puzzled, asks " Why on earth would you need four pills of Viagra?"
The man exclaims that " My wife is leaving tomorrow, my girlfriend is coming over the day after, my other girlfriend comes over the day after that, and my wife comes home on the fourth day"
The doctor replies " So I know you didn't ****ing kill yourself, come back and see me on the fifth day. That way I know you haven't died "
So the doctor writes the prescription, gets him the pills, and the old man goes on his merry way.
On the fifth day, the old man comes back to see the doctor, wearing a sling on his right arm.
The doctor, shocked, says "What the blue **** happened to you!?"
The old man replies......
"No one came over."
11-26-2008, 06:27 PM
#5
Yeah, You've Probably Never Heard Of Me.
iTrader: (21)
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: in a glass case of emotion.
Posts: 17,962
Car Info: 345/30/19s
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his ***** into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my ***** into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."
He had an urge to stick his ***** into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my ***** into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."
11-26-2008, 06:28 PM
#6
Yeah, You've Probably Never Heard Of Me.
iTrader: (21)
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: in a glass case of emotion.
Posts: 17,962
Car Info: 345/30/19s
This pirate walks into a bar with a big ship's wheel down his pants.
The bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship's wheel down the front of your pants?"
And the pirate says...
Aaargh, it's driving me nuts!!
The bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship's wheel down the front of your pants?"
And the pirate says...
Aaargh, it's driving me nuts!!
11-26-2008, 06:57 PM
#7
how do you if somebody is a pirate?
they just ARRRRRRR!
11-26-2008, 07:12 PM
#8
a young boy, maybe 13 years old at most goes to a house of ill repute, and
walks right up to the madam. he makes an unusual request he asks
specifically for a girl that is infected with herpes. The madam quite shocked
asks why in the world would he want to do that.......
Well, replied the boy after i sleep with her i will go home and sleep with my
babysitter, who will later on the ride back to her house sleep with my dad,
who will sleep with my mom who tomorrow will sleep with the mailman.....
and thats the son of a ***** that killed my frog.
walks right up to the madam. he makes an unusual request he asks
specifically for a girl that is infected with herpes. The madam quite shocked
asks why in the world would he want to do that.......
Well, replied the boy after i sleep with her i will go home and sleep with my
babysitter, who will later on the ride back to her house sleep with my dad,
who will sleep with my mom who tomorrow will sleep with the mailman.....
and thats the son of a ***** that killed my frog.
11-26-2008, 07:30 PM
#9
Registered User
iTrader: (6)
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Bay Area
Posts: 497
Car Info: Rally 2004 Stage II Wrb Wrx (Team S.L.O.W.)
Ok so there's 3 guys walking on the beach. One is Mexican, another is African American, and the last is a white guy. The Mexican looks down to find something shinney in the sand and picks it up. It's a magic lamp so he rubs the lamp. A genie comes out and says they have three wishes. They decide to each have one wish.
The Mexican wishes to have all his people happy back in their home country.
The African American wishes to have all his people back in their home country also.
The white guys says "So, the mexicans and the African Americans are back in their country....all of them right?
Genie replys " yes they are"
White guys says " O then I will just have a coke"
The Mexican wishes to have all his people happy back in their home country.
The African American wishes to have all his people back in their home country also.
The white guys says "So, the mexicans and the African Americans are back in their country....all of them right?
Genie replys " yes they are"
White guys says " O then I will just have a coke"
11-26-2008, 08:03 PM
#11
my joke is
q: how do you make a hormone?
a: you dont pay her...
anyways, i work with an older lady. very religious. doesnt CUSS. like a grandmother...
anyways, i asked her that joke.
to surprised she answered, "you punch her in the stomach..."
i nearly choked... i couldnt believe she said that...
11-26-2008, 09:55 PM
#15
Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Norcalif
Posts: 2,736
Car Info: with the blinkers on
A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied, and again turned back to his book.
"Do you live around here?" she asked.
"Yes, I live over in Suntree," he answered, and then resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you like *****cats?"
With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied, and again turned back to his book.
"Do you live around here?" she asked.
"Yes, I live over in Suntree," he answered, and then resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you like *****cats?"
With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"