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09-18-2008, 01:10 PM
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Can Men and Women Be Friends?
Oprah & Friends XM Radio host Rabbi Shmuley Boteach talks about the ground rules for platonic relationships between men and women.
Can men and women be "just friends," or is sexual attraction between the sexes always inevitable? According to Rabbi Shmuley, men and women can be friends with members of the opposite sex, as long as they follow certain rules. He talks about platonic friendship between the sexes and shares his ground rules for opposite-sex friendships outside of marriage.
If a person isn't married, Rabbi Shmuley says it's perfectly all right to have friends who are members of the opposite sex. Society has moved away from polarizing the sexes, and today, men and women work together, go to school together and should be able to be friends, he says.
Things are different if you are married, Rabbi Shmuley says. It is possible to have an opposite sex friendship, but you cannot compromise certain borders:
* You can't go out to late night dinners together. You can have lunch together in a public place, but you should not order alcoholic beverages. "The embers of attraction really can grow in situations like that, and suddenly it's not so innocent, it's not just friendship anymore," Rabbi Shmuley says.
* You can't take long drives or long flights with the other person, even if it's for work. "Even if you have to work with a colleague [of the opposite sex], there are still certain boundaries you need to preserve," he says.
* You cannot place yourself in any situation where romance can grow. "Romance grows when people are alone; romance grows when people tell secrets," Rabbi Shmuley says.
* You can't share secrets with a platonic male or female friend that you don't share with your spouse. "Because then you're sharing an exclusivity with a member of the opposite sex that you're not with your partner, and that can lead to a big no-no," he says.
* You should not be friends with ex-lovers.
Oprah & Friends XM Radio host Rabbi Shmuley Boteach talks about the ground rules for platonic relationships between men and women.
Can men and women be "just friends," or is sexual attraction between the sexes always inevitable? According to Rabbi Shmuley, men and women can be friends with members of the opposite sex, as long as they follow certain rules. He talks about platonic friendship between the sexes and shares his ground rules for opposite-sex friendships outside of marriage.
If a person isn't married, Rabbi Shmuley says it's perfectly all right to have friends who are members of the opposite sex. Society has moved away from polarizing the sexes, and today, men and women work together, go to school together and should be able to be friends, he says.
Things are different if you are married, Rabbi Shmuley says. It is possible to have an opposite sex friendship, but you cannot compromise certain borders:
* You can't go out to late night dinners together. You can have lunch together in a public place, but you should not order alcoholic beverages. "The embers of attraction really can grow in situations like that, and suddenly it's not so innocent, it's not just friendship anymore," Rabbi Shmuley says.
* You can't take long drives or long flights with the other person, even if it's for work. "Even if you have to work with a colleague [of the opposite sex], there are still certain boundaries you need to preserve," he says.
* You cannot place yourself in any situation where romance can grow. "Romance grows when people are alone; romance grows when people tell secrets," Rabbi Shmuley says.
* You can't share secrets with a platonic male or female friend that you don't share with your spouse. "Because then you're sharing an exclusivity with a member of the opposite sex that you're not with your partner, and that can lead to a big no-no," he says.
* You should not be friends with ex-lovers.
Then again this is coming from a Rabbi and I'm not Jewish. Not to take anything away from their ideals, I don't think it's for me.
Men and Women can be friends sure. I'd be lying if I said I never felt any type of attraction to any of my female friends but this is where one has to out weigh the possibilities. Go for it or stay as friends. I think I've been able to find a healthy medium.
But I do agree about the not being friends with ex-lovers. In Jerry's situation, its semi complicated but since its work, the ex-lover is now a work colleague.
09-18-2008, 01:12 PM
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not with me... my ex decided to tell me that he was dating the girl he cheated on me with and still expects us to be friends.
09-18-2008, 01:15 PM
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09-18-2008, 01:19 PM
09-18-2008, 01:19 PM
09-18-2008, 01:26 PM
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Naw all men are like that. I remember back in the day when I broke up with my ex. I found someone else I wanted to be with which is similar to stephs situation. I told my ex let's be friends. We did and I still had sexual relations with her after. That was the whole reason of maintaining that friendship.
09-18-2008, 01:33 PM
bah, everybody wants a fairytale ending. here is the troof:
1. guy wants to move on and breaks it off with girl = girl will go psycho on you and will do anything to stay with u. good time to have your fantasy threesome with her best friend. burn the bridge down.
2. girl wants to move on and breaks it off with guy = guy will be liberated and go on rebound sexcapades. burn the bridge down.
3. guy cheats on girl = girl will go psycho and try to cut off your ***** with a pair of dull scissor blades. burn the bridge down.
4. girl cheats on guy = guy will go on macho trip and eventually psycho. lots of drunken nights ahead, but once you come to the fact that your lover was a slutty ***** things slowly return to normal. burn the bridge down.
5. mutual breakup (ha ha, yeah right). your relationship was a joke. you can attempt to stay friends, but it usually ends up bad. have that one last night of wild sex and dont forget the hidden camera. sell video and profit. burn the bridge down afterwards.
1. guy wants to move on and breaks it off with girl = girl will go psycho on you and will do anything to stay with u. good time to have your fantasy threesome with her best friend. burn the bridge down.
2. girl wants to move on and breaks it off with guy = guy will be liberated and go on rebound sexcapades. burn the bridge down.
3. guy cheats on girl = girl will go psycho and try to cut off your ***** with a pair of dull scissor blades. burn the bridge down.
4. girl cheats on guy = guy will go on macho trip and eventually psycho. lots of drunken nights ahead, but once you come to the fact that your lover was a slutty ***** things slowly return to normal. burn the bridge down.
5. mutual breakup (ha ha, yeah right). your relationship was a joke. you can attempt to stay friends, but it usually ends up bad. have that one last night of wild sex and dont forget the hidden camera. sell video and profit. burn the bridge down afterwards.
09-18-2008, 01:42 PM
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bah, everybody wants a fairytale ending. here is the troof:
1. guy wants to move on and breaks it off with girl = girl will go psycho on you and will do anything to stay with u. good time to have your fantasy threesome with her best friend. burn the bridge down.
2. girl wants to move on and breaks it off with guy = guy will be liberated and go on rebound sexcapades. burn the bridge down.
3. guy cheats on girl = girl will go psycho and try to cut off your ***** with a pair of dull scissor blades. burn the bridge down.
4. girl cheats on guy = guy will go on macho trip and eventually psycho. lots of drunken nights ahead, but once you come to the fact that your lover was a slutty ***** things slowly return to normal. burn the bridge down.
5. mutual breakup (ha ha, yeah right). your relationship was a joke. you can attempt to stay friends, but it usually ends up bad. have that one last night of wild sex and dont forget the hidden camera. sell video and profit. burn the bridge down afterwards.
1. guy wants to move on and breaks it off with girl = girl will go psycho on you and will do anything to stay with u. good time to have your fantasy threesome with her best friend. burn the bridge down.
2. girl wants to move on and breaks it off with guy = guy will be liberated and go on rebound sexcapades. burn the bridge down.
3. guy cheats on girl = girl will go psycho and try to cut off your ***** with a pair of dull scissor blades. burn the bridge down.
4. girl cheats on guy = guy will go on macho trip and eventually psycho. lots of drunken nights ahead, but once you come to the fact that your lover was a slutty ***** things slowly return to normal. burn the bridge down.
5. mutual breakup (ha ha, yeah right). your relationship was a joke. you can attempt to stay friends, but it usually ends up bad. have that one last night of wild sex and dont forget the hidden camera. sell video and profit. burn the bridge down afterwards.
keep a hidden camera for all occasions.
