Masturbation is considered by many to be the cornerstone of sexual health. Most men believe that they already know everything about their own genitals and sexual response. It’s all out there, boys will be boys, etc. But just because you know how your tools work, doesn’t mean you can build the Eiffel Tower. In fact most men experience a fraction of their full erotic and orgasmic potential. Read on for tips on masturbation techniques that can help you explore all your body has to offer.
Difficulty: N/A
Time Required: Male masturbation doesn't have to always be a "quick affair". Take your time and enjoy.
Here's How:

1. Make time for more than a quickie.
Most guys first learn to ********** in secret and furtive ways. They do it quickly and need to figure out what to do with the evidence afterward. This can create a powerful pattern of masturbating quickly, without paying attention to where your sexual arousal can take you. To start exploring something different, make sure you have some extended time and privacy for yourself, where you aren’t trying to finish quick before someone interrupts.

2. Turn off the **** (just for a while) and tune into your body.
Not everyone likes ****, but a lot of guys do, and while **** can be great, it also takes you out of your body a bit with the fantasy. This can distract you from what’s actually happening in your body. You don’t need to throw the **** away, but for a few times, ********** without ****, and objectify yourself for a change!

3. Do a…dry…run through.
Bad pun aside, it’s a good idea to try the above suggestions, and then just ********** as you normally would. As you do this pay attention:
* Changes in your breathing: Does it become shallow and quick, slower and deeper?
* Changes in your body: is there tension in some places, and relaxation in others? Is this the same every time you **********?
* How does it feel just before you have an orgasm?
* How does it feel as you orgasm, and immediately post-orgasm?

4. Time to switch it up.
Men learn early in their lives the most effective way to get themselves off. And most never waver from the utilitarian approach to self love. But sex is less like a well oiled machine, and more like a chaotic food fair, where there is an endless selection of ways to satisfy your appetites. So it’s time to throw a wrench in the works and shake up your routine. Try any combination of the following suggestions:

5. Does your left hand know what your right hand is doing?
Do you always use the same one hand to **********? Most guys do. If you’re among them, start with the simple tip of switching hands. It can feel strange at first, the rhythm might be off, it’s almost like sex with someone new for the first time. Enjoy the newness, and see if a new hand can teach an old hand some tricks.

6. Experiment with positions.
If you aren’t an experimental type, it’s time to start. If you’re used to masturbating lying down on your back, try sitting up. If you normally sit in a chair, try standing, or kneeling. As with all these changes, this might feel ridiculous at first, and you’ll probably go back to old faithful, but see what masturbation feels like in different positions, and notice if it brings with it any new sensations.

7. Get your hips moving.
The way your body moves when you ********** is probably very different from the way it moves when you’re having sex with someone else. Many men don’t move at all when they **********. Try to move your hips when you **********, simulating the thrusting of intercourse. Notice how moving your hips in different ways can bring you closer to, and at times take you farther away from, the point of orgasm.

8. Use different hand strokes.
Most men learn early on that a vigorous stroke does the trick. This intense up and down stimulation usually ends in a good orgasm. But there are dozens of other strokes that each bring with them different sensations, and different orgasms. Roll your ***** in between your hands, moving your hands up and down your shaft. Try using long twisting strokes instead of just up and down. Experiment with different movements, pressures, and speeds.

9. Explore your shaft.
While most of the nerve endings on the ***** are at the head, and specifically the frenulum, many men will have spots on their shaft that are unusually sensitive. Try putting one hand at the base of your ***** and press it towards your body while experimenting with different hand strokes along the shaft of your *****. Treat this like a treasure hunt, and try to feel the difference between one side and the other, between stimulation near the base and up near the tip.

10. Reach around, yourself.
For many men the ***** (*********) are a very sensitive area that responds well to feelings of touch and pressure. Take your forefinger and thumb and make them in a circle at the top of your *******. Gently tug on your ******* as your masturbating. This is both a way to prevent you from ejaculating and a way to extend sexual feelings in your body. Experiment with other kinds of touch including tickling, scratching, and rubbing.

11. Check out the neighborhood.
While the ***** and ******* tend to be the epicenter of masturbatory attention, if you’re looking to open things up a bit, be sure to take a tour of some other nearby areas. The perineum, the area between the ******* and anus, is very sensitive to pressure and massage, and rubbing it provides external prostate stimulation. Speaking of which, don’t be afraid to explore the anus, both externally and by using a finger for penetration.

12. Bring it all together.
Not everything you try is going to do it for you, but the idea behind the above tips is to try lots of different things, and then incorporate whatever you like into the ways you regularly **********. Maybe it’s a different stroke, or position, or breathing technique. Obviously there is no one, correct way to **********, and even if you’ve got something that works for you, consider the fact that there could be more out there if you experiment with it.

Tips:

1. Another myth about male masturbation is that you shouldn’t use anything other than you hand. While your hand might be doing the trick, adding some accessories can make the stimulation even more intense, and inspire more creativity with yourself, and with partners.
2. Get a good quality personal lubricant . If it’s only for masturbation you can use something that’s oil based without worrying about condom compatibility. Oil based products are better because they won’t dry up.
3. Add a sex toy into the mix. It might be a vibrator, a *****, or a **** ring (if you’ve never tried one I recommend trying one on your own before you use it with a partner). Sex toys can add a completely new kind of stimulation, and accentuate the manual stimulation your doing.

31 Very Bad Masturbation Ideas

Though we encourage sexual experimentation, getting too creative can sometimes be a very, very bad thing. Here our readers share some of the masturbation disasters. Learn from their mistakes!


1.

With a tambourine

It was just before my A-level exams and I was masturbating to relax my nerves. I decided to stick my **** inside the thumb-hold of a tambourine on my desk ... Big mistake, because what went in when I was soft wouldn't come out when I was hard, and it was damn painful too. And of course the blood took ages to leave my **** because the veins were blocked by the constriction. So I had to lie down for ages and ended up getting to my exam late. D'oh!

2.

With a bicycle pump

I had heard the term "blow job," but didn't really have a clue what it meant. So, I thought I'd experiment. I got out my bicycle pump, placed the valve on my urethra, and pumped that handle down hard, expecting to feel pleasures beyond my wildest dreams! AHHHHHH! My groin hurt for weeks as I think I tore something inside, but was too ashamed to tell anyone. I really felt stupid. Everything seemed to work fine once I just started masturbating.

3.

With an RC truck

I was fooling around with my battery-operated RC truck. It was upside down and has little bumps on the tires of the truck. I wanted to know how it felt on my ****, so I tried it for a little bit. Unfortunately, it gradually caused me to bleed on the head of my ****. You can barely see the scar now, but it wasn't smart using my RC truck. It hurt and I never did it again!

4.

With a hard plastic love doll

I don't know of any guys who have a fake ***** to ****. So I bought one. I tried freezing it (it's weird to do it with an ice-cold *****) and then I tried heating it. Ouch!! Too hot! Then I just ****ed it hard and fast. I pulled out during one of my strokes and jammed my dick on the hard plastic lid part of the toy. It sliced my dick and I had to get four stitches. I told the doctor that I had dropped a knife to cause the damage.

5.

With hot sauce

Well, I tried using some hot sauce on my **** while masturbating, and it felt like hell! I'm writing this just to tell other people to NEVER DO THIS!! It is the worst thing you will ever feel.

6.

With a pen

I was masturbating with a capped pen up my anus at about 1 o'clock in the morning. My parents were in the next room so I tried to keep it quiet, but I had a amazing orgasm (or at least from what I have experienced). I stopped before I moaned but when I pulled the pen out, the cap (which was on the pen to keep it from poking me) wasn't on it. I could feel the tip of the cap in my anus, but when I tried to get it out by pushing my anus muscles I couldn't and it went completely in my anus. I was so scared and I couldn't tell my parents. I tried all night to get it out and finally fell asleep. The next day I still tried in vain to get it out, but finally that evening I took a crap and it came out. Whew! I had never been so scared in my life.

7.

With shampoo

During my first semester at college I found that I had a lot of time to **********. One night I decided to **********, so I put some **** in the DVD player and tried to find some lotion to use as lube. I couldn't find any, so I figured that I could use some shampoo. While I was whacking off it felt really good! The shampoo had a tingling sensation on my ****. Unfortunately, I did not know that the shampoo dries your skin out. My ****'s skin got really tight and started to crack, much like chapped lips. It hurt like hell as the skin fell off my **** to reveal new pink skin underneath. I'm fine now, but I always make sure I have some KY on hand!

8.

With wire

I saw an anecdote on the Internet once about how Arabs ********** and I decided to try it! It involves inserting a long wire into the urethra and down the length of the erect *****. Long story short, the wire didn't follow the path precisely and I ended up stabbing my ***** from the inside. I was in the hospital for three days.

9.

With toothpaste

I was experimenting with different lubes, and one time I tried toothpaste. At first it was strange yet nice, but when I was done some of the toothpaste went inside me. It burned like hell for about 20 minutes, and I was in the shower trying to cool it.

10.

With chewing gum

One day I was chewing some Big League Chew gum. It felt so soft and gooey in my mouth that I decided to rub it on my dick. It was the worst decision I ever made! As I was rubbing it on my dick, the gum got caught on my pubes. I got in the shower and spent like an hour trying to get the stuff off. Then I finally decided just to cut my pubes off with some scissors. I had no pubes left.

11.

With Jalapeno peppers

I was making chili with jalapeno peppers, about the hottest kind that you can get. While I was chopping them I didn't realize that the juice and oil in the peppers would burn more as time went on. Later I was stroking my **** and realized that not only were my hands now burning from the pepper oil, but now my whole shaft was burning too! I stopped immediately and tried to wash it off, but I found that it takes something like baking powder to neutralize the acid. Too late!! I felt my **** burning for about a day after that and I couldn't stop thinking about it as a result. I still managed to get in a few orgasms though! Now I wear gloves when handling spicy foods!

12.

With a TV remote

One night I was home alone and watching TV. I suddenly "got that urge" and needed to hump something fast. All I could find to use that was remotely close to a ***** was, ironically, the remote. It was fairly good-sized and I was forcing it in and out of my ***** and rubbing my **** at the same time, and the buttons felt INCREDIBLE. So after I came, I took the remote out and wiped it off on my pants, and started to use it ... but it didn't work! I changed the batteries, I cleaned it as best I could, but all my *** had totally clogged and fried the thing! So I had to throw it against the wall until it looked plenty broken and then I told my parents I stepped on it.

13.

With a pencil

I'm a guy. I was in college, and feeling pretty down on myself at the time for reasons to do with my sexual identity. I was masturbating, and I had begun to explore inserting long and skinny, smooth objects into my urethra/the tip of my *****. One night I had been drinking, and had just had a fairly disappointing sexual encounter with an also-drunk classmate, a gal. Anyhow, I was just experimenting while learning that I preferred guys. So I was back at my dorm, alone, jacking it, and I inserted a pencil, eraser-end first, into my *****. It was clean and new, but the metal edges were a lot sharper than I was realizing, me being intoxicated and all. It hurt, but that seemed okay. But when I shot, the *** came out with a lot of blood. I was horrified! The next day, it burned when I pissed, but it seemed to have healed. However, as a result, years down the road, I have ongoing pain in the section of my urethra where the eraser's metal band cut, and I am prone to PAINFUL urethra infections in this same section of "road." It's really stupid that I still hit myself in the head over this, but there's really nothing to be done save for going to a doctor, which I suppose is the next step. Life sure is funny! Humorously enough, of all my entire life, this is probably one of my very few regrets. It was a case of self-mutilation that was a consequence of my feeling really down on myself. Dumb duhdumb duhdumb, oh well!

14.

With duct tape

One morning after I woke up I was feeling right randy, and I guess a little loony as well! So what did I do? Well, I opened up a chest in my room and got a ring of duct tape, taped it around my little friend, and started to ****. It did not work too good, and now that I think about it, I don't see how it could have, but I was very tired at the time so you can't blame me. I was feeling right loony. But anyway, the duct tape was very tight and started to cut off blood flow. I couldn't get it off so I ran around the house trying to find something to cut with. I found a knife and then started to cut the tape and then "OUCH!" I stabbed myself right in my *****! I had to run to the docs for help and from there to the hospital! I didn't want my ***** to come out looking like hamburger meat so I has to swallow my pride and let them remove the tape at the hospital. But my ***** came out fine in the end!

15.

With a candle

I was masturbating with a candle like I usually do, but I couldn't find my usual one, so I decided to use a teal-colored one. After cumming multiple times I pulled the candle out and realized it was faded white.... I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and my *** was teal. I'll never use that candlestick again; now I only use white ones!

16.

With a curling iron

When I was first learning about my sexuality and how it all works I decided to try masturbating with a curling iron. It was the kind that is a dual curling iron and straightener in one. At first I thought it was locked and it wasn't, so I tried to lock it and it pinched my insides. That hurt bad enough, let alone a short while after when I realized it was turned on!! I was in pain for about two weeks and, needless to say I never used a curling iron again!

17.

With magnets

One time I put two neodymium magnets on each side of my *******. They slammed together and the magnetic force was so tremendous I couldn't remove them without tools. I took two pairs of pliers and pulled like hell. They came off but I couldn't feel my sack until the next day, when it hurt like hell.

18.

With a Barbie shoe

I was masturbating and saw a tiny Barbie shoe. I managed to stick it into my ***** but it got stuck, and when I managed to grab the end of it, the shoe just slipped further in. I managed to sneak into the kitchen without being spotted by my mother and took a spoon from the kitchen drawer, which I stuck in me and eventually used to scoop the shoe out. I threw it in the garbage and now I never do that anymore!!

19.

With a shampoo bottle

This actually happened a couple months ago. I do not own any sex toys, so when I want to ********** my anus, I have to do it with my finger. Well, one night a couple months ago, I decided to try to find something a little bigger. I found one of those travel-size shampoo bottles under my bathroom sink. I lubricated it and started it using it on myself. I was rather enjoying it, until my fingers became too slippery and the bottle was sucked out of my hands and up into my rectum. When I tried to get it out, the bottle some how turned sideways and was stuck. I couldn't go to the hospital since my mother works there. I just had to wait until it came out own, or I was able to get it. It took three days to get it out, and another seven days before I was able to fully sit down again. Never will I do that again.

20.

With Liquid Heat

I was into masturbating with men's colognes for lubes. My father used this stuff called Heat for his back and I thought it had a wonderful scent and it turned me on. One day my parents were out and I snuck into their room and took my father's cologne Heat. I went into my room and stripped down, laid on my bed, and got myself hard. Then I got some of the Heat and put it on my ***** and **** and started to jack off. I had the most intense orgasm! I laid there for about 10 minutes and then got up to take a shower, mainly because this stuff was starting to burn. I got in the shower and when the warm water hit my ***** and **** the heat intensified. I was in agony. Soap wouldn't wash it off. I was sore for days. Little did I know that my dad used the Heat for back pain relief. Stupid, stupid, stupid!! Never again!

21.

With a banana

I started to explore different methods of masturbation, particularly focusing on the integration of phallic objects into my routines. One night, as my family slept, I crept downstairs into the kitchen and stole a banana from the fruit basket. When I got back to my room, I began to ********** with it. Eventually I climaxed, and as I did, I felt/heard this odd "pop." So I immediately attempted to pull the banana out. Upon some exertion, I found myself staring at half a banana; the entire thing had exploded from my bodily heat and the pressure of orgasm. I ended up spending nearly 20 minutes sitting on the toilet, trying vainly to push the other half of the banana out. Unfortunately, the stickiness of the hot mashed banana was impeding its path out, and it was too far up for me to reach. Eventually it slid out, and I spent a great deal of time in the shower trying to rid myself of the banana smell and stickiness ... fortunately, I managed to keep quiet enough and not wake anyone. To this day, I have never used any other phallic-shaped foods to **********, nor can I stand to eat bananas anymore.

22.

With a banana wrapped in plastic wrap

Well, my husband is a wonderful man, but he is also physically incapable of having sex. So one day while he was SUPPOSED to be out of town on a business trip, I decided to **********. I peeled a banana, wrapped it in Saran Wrap, and went at it. Suddenly, I realized that the Saran Wrap had come off and the banana had squished out into my *****. This was not pleasant. So I was sitting there in the bathtub, trying to get the squashed banana out of me, when, SURPRISE! My husband walked in. Turns out that his flight had been delayed. It was mortifying! I was trying to think of a way to get myself out of this when he suddenly started laughing. For some reason, this just made me feel worse. I finally did get the banana out, and my husband never brought the incident up again. But I will NEVER, EVER ********** with fruit EVER again!

23.

With a glass cigar case

I was really horny and wanted to ****, but I felt like doing something a little unusual and kinky. I found one of those cylindrical cigar cases, and it was hard and smooth and I put some vegetable oil on it and shoved it all the way up my ***. I had a great jerk with the toy against my prostate, and when I came my *** contracted and shot the toy out of my *** and onto the floor. It turns out the cigar case was made of GLASS, and it broke all over the place. I was freaked out about what would have happened if it had broken in my ***!

24.

With melted chocolate

One time I melted chocolate and I used it to **********, and I fell asleep with it in my hand. When I woke up my hand was all sticky with chocolate, but I still got off good! It kicked ***! But, only problem was, the chocolate was so hot from me melting it that it hurt/was good at the same time. It turns out that I had first-degree burns from a chocolate bar! Never use anything that you just nuked in the microwave. Ow!!!

25.

With a ***** pump

In return for buying $50 worth of erotic literature and videos from a certain company, I was given the choice of receiving either a free ***** or a ***** vacuum. Not being gay or otherwise interested in inserting anything into my ***, I opted for the masturbation pump. I had never seen one up close, but my first impression was that it looked very cheaply made. It was little more than a fleshy latex sleeve, tube, and bulb. I'm far from hung but somehow on my first attempt my only partially aroused ***** immediately filled the tube, thus preventing the escape of air. And because of the suction, I had trouble losing my erection. By the time the sleeve finally split, my ***** was ridiculously bright red, swollen around the glans, and smarting at the urethra. I threw the contraption away and promised myself that from that point on I'd stick to my hand and the female anatomy. Thank God I didn't go for the *****! I might've been slain.

26.

With Lava soap

I used to work in a plastics molding plant and my hands would get quite dirty. I always kept Lava bar soap in the shower to get them clean. One morning I was showering in the dark and grabbed the Lava instead of the Ivory soap to slick up my ***** and **********. I didn't know the difference until I was done and my ***** was rubbed raw by the abrasives in the soap.

27.

With homemade lube

I like to ********** with lubricant. One day, I wanted to use lubricant but the tube had been empty for quite some time, so I decided to make my own lube. Instead of simply using petroleum jelly, I mixed together Palmolive dish soap and water. I began to feel a painful irritation, but in the excitement, I didn't stop until I'd ***. The next morning, my ***** seemed just like they where grilled. They were covered in red spots and my skin was textured like melted plastic wrap. I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing, thinking it would be okay in a couple of days. Not exactly! I was pulling off dead skin for at least a week!!

28.

With incense

Probably one of the stupidest things I have ever done, I did in a state of drunken horniness. It had been more than six months since I had last had sex, and I was practically screaming for an outlet. After seven homemade tequila benders, I went upstairs to begin a long session of humping my pillow. After several minutes, I was exhausted and seemingly out of juice. That's when I spotted the incense next to my bed. I grabbed it and inserted the narrow end into the tip of my *****. Then, in what was probably a stroke of drunken genius, I lit the other end, thinking that the erotic sensation of a flaming scented piece of wood would really get me off. Unfortunately, I was more tired after the pillow session than I realized, and in my drunken state, I passed out with the incense still inserted into my manhood. When I woke up, the incense had burned all the way down and effectively cauterized my *****. No way in, no way out. To add insult to injury, the remaining shard of incense had contracted too far in for me to move my legs without sharp, wrenching, stabbing, burning pain. It really, really, really hurt!! I had to go to the ER and get my dick effectively reopened at the tip, as well as have surgery to remove the loose piece of incense from my gallbladder. However, after spending a week in traction and then walking around with a safety hold in my dick to stop the burns from healing together and cutting off my opening, I am none the worse for wear other than a small scar and a strange new phobia of scented products. I am never introducing a foreign object into such a vital part of my anatomy ever again.

29.

With bicycle spokes

When I was younger and uncircumcised, it felt good to play with my foreskin. One day, I got the bright idea to let the spokes in an old exercise bike "vibrate" my foreskin. (Think playing card in bicycle spokes.) Well, I was using the peddles to spin the wheels when I lost track of what I was doing. My dick got caught in the chain and then it got pulled through the chain guard!! Needless to say, I am now circumcised! I'm embarrassed by it, but the cut was pretty straight and the doctors were amazing, so to the untrained eye my dick just looks a little lumpy in places (which isn't necessarily a BAD thing, mind you). And yes, I still have sex. (But I stay away from those exercise bikes with spokes! Eek!)

30.

With a deodorant stick

One day I was masturbating with a deodorant stick with the top on. My ***** was so tight, though, that the top kept coming halfway off every time I pulled it out of me, so I put some tape around the top to keep it on. I put the deodorant stick in my ***** and went in and out and so on, and when I was finished, I saw that the tape had slipped off the deodorant cap while it was inside me. I don't know what happened to that tape, but it was about five years ago and I've been to the gyno about 10 times and they say everything looks "just fine," so maybe it came out sometime later and I didn't know about it!

31.

With clove oil

One time I thought I saw something called "love oil" among my mom's various herbal remedies, essential oils, etc. She was busy elsewhere in the house, so I locked myself in the bathroom and tried it on my *****. I didn't even get to start masturbating, it stung so badly--turns out it was actually clove oil (quite a potent substance), and the "c" had worn off the bottle. As with the Tabasco story, the moral is, don't put weird **** on your dick.