Soooo its Toooosday...thank god mondays over!
Me: “Hi, welcome to ***. Do you need any help finding anything?”
Customer: “Yeah, I need diapers and condoms.”
Me: “Um, we don’t sell those here. We’re a beverage store.”
Customer: “Oh okay, then give me some fruit roll ups and towels.”
Customer: “Yeah, I need diapers and condoms.”
Me: “Um, we don’t sell those here. We’re a beverage store.”
Customer: “Oh okay, then give me some fruit roll ups and towels.”
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From: Other Side Of The Magical Bridge
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Posts: 22,776
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Car Info: '13 BRZ Limited / '02 WRX
(This was my last week at a very lousy sales job working for a major jewelry manufacturer that deals exclusively with jewelers on a screened account basis.)
Me: “Thank you for calling *****. How can I help you?”
Customer: “I need a price check on a diamond.”
(We go through a drawn out process of finding the stone he wants, a large carat, high grade diamond. I quote him the price in the system.)
Customer: “That can’t be right! That’s too expensive!”
Me: “It’s the price I have in the system, sir. If you like, we can look for a different piece?”
Customer: “NO! It has to be that one! Are you sure that’s the right price?”
Me: “Yes, sir.”
Customer: “Are you absolutely certain?”
Me: “Absolutely, sir.”
Customer: “And that’s in dollars, right?”
(At this point, I’m fed up and not really concerned with whether I get fired or not at this point. I answer in my most sincere deadpan.)
Me: “No, sir. That’s in woodchucks. We deal exclusively in fresh, live woodchucks.”
(I hear a bark of laughter from one of the call monitoring agents on the next row, which gets even louder when the customer asks if I’m serious.)
Me: “Thank you for calling *****. How can I help you?”
Customer: “I need a price check on a diamond.”
(We go through a drawn out process of finding the stone he wants, a large carat, high grade diamond. I quote him the price in the system.)
Customer: “That can’t be right! That’s too expensive!”
Me: “It’s the price I have in the system, sir. If you like, we can look for a different piece?”
Customer: “NO! It has to be that one! Are you sure that’s the right price?”
Me: “Yes, sir.”
Customer: “Are you absolutely certain?”
Me: “Absolutely, sir.”
Customer: “And that’s in dollars, right?”
(At this point, I’m fed up and not really concerned with whether I get fired or not at this point. I answer in my most sincere deadpan.)
Me: “No, sir. That’s in woodchucks. We deal exclusively in fresh, live woodchucks.”
(I hear a bark of laughter from one of the call monitoring agents on the next row, which gets even louder when the customer asks if I’m serious.)
and...
Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. May I help you?”
Customer: “How do you fix Debian?”
Me: “Depends on what the problem is. What are some of the issues you’re having?”
Customer: “I paid $700 for it! It should work PERFECTLY!”
Me: “Ma’am, Debian is free. If you paid $700 for it, all that means is that you’re an idiot.”
Customer: “Really?”
Me: “Yep. Anything else I can do for you?”
Customer: *click*
Customer: “How do you fix Debian?”
Me: “Depends on what the problem is. What are some of the issues you’re having?”
Customer: “I paid $700 for it! It should work PERFECTLY!”
Me: “Ma’am, Debian is free. If you paid $700 for it, all that means is that you’re an idiot.”
Customer: “Really?”
Me: “Yep. Anything else I can do for you?”
Customer: *click*
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Car Info: 2014 Forester XT
jokes are only funny if the other person understands the joke
(I’m tending to the cats at our pet store when a young woman comes up and points at a small tabby, Velma.)
Me: “Ah, would you like to see Velma? She’s a little shy but very sweet.”
Customer: “I can has cat?”
Me: “Um… if you are interested in adopting, I’ll be happy to get out Velma or any of the cats so that you can get to know them a little better.”
Customer: “I can has lolcat?”
Me: “…”
Customer: “She is in her playpen, stealin our funs!”
Me: “You know, pets can be a big responsibility, and I’m not sure a cat would be the best thing for you right now.”
Customer: “K thanks bye!” *turns and walks out of the store*
Me, to Velma: “I think I may have just saved your life.”
Me: “Ah, would you like to see Velma? She’s a little shy but very sweet.”
Customer: “I can has cat?”
Me: “Um… if you are interested in adopting, I’ll be happy to get out Velma or any of the cats so that you can get to know them a little better.”
Customer: “I can has lolcat?”
Me: “…”
Customer: “She is in her playpen, stealin our funs!”
Me: “You know, pets can be a big responsibility, and I’m not sure a cat would be the best thing for you right now.”
Customer: “K thanks bye!” *turns and walks out of the store*
Me, to Velma: “I think I may have just saved your life.”
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the irony of them not getting it, posting it on that site ... oh man
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Posts: 14,505
From: Las Vegas NV
Car Info: 2018 Grand Cherokee Limited Ecodiesel EOC Stage 1
