fry- DAy
06-08-2007, 12:42 PM
#47
Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: In a van under the river
Posts: 1,086
Car Info: 2000 RS
The following were taken from actual police car videos around the country.
> Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out
after you wear them awhile.
> Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document.
> If you run, you'll go to jail tired.
> Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know,
that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.
> So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write
anything I want on the ticket, huh?
> Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will
help. Did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?
> Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or
I'll give you another ticket.
> ! The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?
> Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride
on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey %^&* (POOP).
> Yeah, we have a quota. Two more and my wife gets a toaster oven.
> In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.
> Just how big were those two beers?
> No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we want.
> I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours.
At least you know someone who can post your bail.
And the best one. . . . .
> You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here.
> Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out
after you wear them awhile.
> Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document.
> If you run, you'll go to jail tired.
> Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know,
that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.
> So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write
anything I want on the ticket, huh?
> Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will
help. Did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?
> Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or
I'll give you another ticket.
> ! The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?
> Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride
on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey %^&* (POOP).
> Yeah, we have a quota. Two more and my wife gets a toaster oven.
> In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.
> Just how big were those two beers?
> No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we want.
> I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours.
At least you know someone who can post your bail.
And the best one. . . . .
> You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here.
06-08-2007, 12:48 PM
#48
Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: In a van under the river
Posts: 1,086
Car Info: 2000 RS
So a man goes into an autoparts store, and goes up to the clerk.
"Sir, I'd like a windshield wiper for my Honda Civic"
The clerk looks at him for a moment, and considers.
"Yeah sure, why not...fair trade."
"Sir, I'd like a windshield wiper for my Honda Civic"
The clerk looks at him for a moment, and considers.
"Yeah sure, why not...fair trade."
06-08-2007, 12:49 PM
#49
VIP Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Fugitive
Posts: 6,866
Car Info: MOPAR Baby!! yeeaaaahhh
06-08-2007, 12:53 PM
#50
Registered User
iTrader: (4)
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: hangtown
Posts: 4,618
Car Info: '02 WRagon
The following were taken from actual police car videos around the country.
> Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out
after you wear them awhile.
> Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document.
> If you run, you'll go to jail tired.
> Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know,
that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.
> So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write
anything I want on the ticket, huh?
> Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will
help. Did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?
> Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or
I'll give you another ticket.
> ! The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?
> Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride
on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey %^&* (POOP).
> Yeah, we have a quota. Two more and my wife gets a toaster oven.
> In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.
> Just how big were those two beers?
> No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we want.
> I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours.
At least you know someone who can post your bail.
And the best one. . . . .
> You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here.
> Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out
after you wear them awhile.
> Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document.
> If you run, you'll go to jail tired.
> Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know,
that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.
> So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write
anything I want on the ticket, huh?
> Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will
help. Did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?
> Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or
I'll give you another ticket.
> ! The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?
> Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride
on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey %^&* (POOP).
> Yeah, we have a quota. Two more and my wife gets a toaster oven.
> In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.
> Just how big were those two beers?
> No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we want.
> I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours.
At least you know someone who can post your bail.
And the best one. . . . .
> You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here.
06-08-2007, 01:49 PM
#59
Registered User
iTrader: (4)
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: hangtown
Posts: 4,618
Car Info: '02 WRagon
so, i think i just made my boss (COO) pissed...(not really my fault).
i went to ask her about something, situation came up with a couple clients, I told her i'd double check my email to make sure I got the information right, and by the time i got back to my desk (maybe 50ft.) she had already sent out a nasty email to the rest of the dept and managers about it...
i proceeded to forward her the email (as i told her I would) that showed that the information was all pending and nothing had been written in stone at this point (the reason i had gone to her for clarification on the situation in the first place).
it wasn't really my fault cus i tried to clarify the information, and she jumped the gun and lashed out at others BEFORE i had forwarded her the email, (which I told her I was going to do once I got back to my desk).
so now she has a nasty email out to all the company making her look bad.
needless to say, she's not so happy right now.
i went to ask her about something, situation came up with a couple clients, I told her i'd double check my email to make sure I got the information right, and by the time i got back to my desk (maybe 50ft.) she had already sent out a nasty email to the rest of the dept and managers about it...
i proceeded to forward her the email (as i told her I would) that showed that the information was all pending and nothing had been written in stone at this point (the reason i had gone to her for clarification on the situation in the first place).
it wasn't really my fault cus i tried to clarify the information, and she jumped the gun and lashed out at others BEFORE i had forwarded her the email, (which I told her I was going to do once I got back to my desk).
so now she has a nasty email out to all the company making her look bad.
needless to say, she's not so happy right now.
Last edited by pozzi; 06-08-2007 at 01:52 PM.
