After careful review, I can point out my errors:

1. Initial speed too low. Being a 6' 4" distusting fat body, I needed a longer distance to build up speed.

2. Poor transition. If you watch my feet as a transition into the sperman pose, you'll see some stumbling. I attribute this to being a white male that grew up in the '80s.

3. Clothing interfered with speed/distance. I don't know the gentleman's name, but there was this rather ample fellow that ran slower, but slid farther than myself. This can only be attributed to the fact that he was wearing less clothing, thus allowing his natural skin oils to act as a lubricant.

4. Lack of alcohol. I was completely sober, and we all know that a drunk Oaf is a better Oaf.