No offense to anyone, but post up funny racial jokes
03-20-2006, 01:49 PM
#1
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No offense to anyone, but post up funny racial jokes
somebody emailed me this juan
A Black man and his son are on an airplane going across the ocean when they
hear the captain's voice coming over the speakers.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid I have some bad news. One of our engines
has gone out. We still have 3 working fine, but in order to make it across
the ocean, we will have to dump all the luggage. It will be picked up by
boats and returned to the airport where you can pick it up. Sorry for the
inconvenience."
Well, then about 15 minutes later, the captain comes on again.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid I have some more bad news. We just lost
another engine. Since we already dumped the luggage, we will now have to
drop people. You will be given floating devices and will be picked up
immediately by a boat and taken safely to shore. To be fair, we will do this
in alphabetical order. 'A' is for African American. All African Americans,
please raise your hands."
Well, hearing this, the little black boy started to raise his hand. His
father pushed his hand down and said, "No son, keep it down!"
When no one raised their hands, the captain said, "Okay, fine, let's move on
to the letter 'B'. 'B' is for black. All blacks, raise your hands."
Again, the little black boy starts to raise his hand and his father stops
him again.
The captain comes on once more, and says, "Well then, I guess we'll move on
to C. 'C' is for Colored. All colored people, raise your hands."
The little black boy starts to raise his hand and his father pushes it down
and tells him no.
"But dad!" he says, "We are African American, we are black, and we are also
called colored. Why won't you let me raise my hand?"
His father says, "No son, today, we're ******s. Those Mexicans are going
before us!"
A Black man and his son are on an airplane going across the ocean when they
hear the captain's voice coming over the speakers.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid I have some bad news. One of our engines
has gone out. We still have 3 working fine, but in order to make it across
the ocean, we will have to dump all the luggage. It will be picked up by
boats and returned to the airport where you can pick it up. Sorry for the
inconvenience."
Well, then about 15 minutes later, the captain comes on again.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid I have some more bad news. We just lost
another engine. Since we already dumped the luggage, we will now have to
drop people. You will be given floating devices and will be picked up
immediately by a boat and taken safely to shore. To be fair, we will do this
in alphabetical order. 'A' is for African American. All African Americans,
please raise your hands."
Well, hearing this, the little black boy started to raise his hand. His
father pushed his hand down and said, "No son, keep it down!"
When no one raised their hands, the captain said, "Okay, fine, let's move on
to the letter 'B'. 'B' is for black. All blacks, raise your hands."
Again, the little black boy starts to raise his hand and his father stops
him again.
The captain comes on once more, and says, "Well then, I guess we'll move on
to C. 'C' is for Colored. All colored people, raise your hands."
The little black boy starts to raise his hand and his father pushes it down
and tells him no.
"But dad!" he says, "We are African American, we are black, and we are also
called colored. Why won't you let me raise my hand?"
His father says, "No son, today, we're ******s. Those Mexicans are going
before us!"
03-20-2006, 07:38 PM
#6
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So funny but at the same time so racist. Next time you have a thought.......LET IT GO! Not to say that wasn't funny (I thought it was) but because most people can't take a joke, not the best thing to put on a CAR website. Especially when their is kids or people other than white, on this site.
03-20-2006, 07:51 PM
#7
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The True Meaning of Religion
Catholicism teaches: if **** happens, you deserve it.
Christianity teaches: if **** happens, Praise god for it.
Confucianism teaches: if **** happens, let it happen properly.
Lutheranism: **** happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.
Anglicanism: It's true, **** does happen, but only to Lutherans.
Taoism teaches: if you understand ****, it isnt ****.
Buddhism teaches: if **** happens, it isnt really **** because everything that happens to you is good.
Hinduism teaches: I've seen this **** before...
Judaism: Why does **** always happen to US?
Shintoism teaches: you inherit the **** of your ancestors.
Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock Knock, "**** Happens."
Mormonism: Excrement happens. (you can't say '****' in Utah)
Atheism says I dont believe this ****!!
Catholicism teaches: if **** happens, you deserve it.
Christianity teaches: if **** happens, Praise god for it.
Confucianism teaches: if **** happens, let it happen properly.
Lutheranism: **** happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.
Anglicanism: It's true, **** does happen, but only to Lutherans.
Taoism teaches: if you understand ****, it isnt ****.
Buddhism teaches: if **** happens, it isnt really **** because everything that happens to you is good.
Hinduism teaches: I've seen this **** before...
Judaism: Why does **** always happen to US?
Shintoism teaches: you inherit the **** of your ancestors.
Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock Knock, "**** Happens."
Mormonism: Excrement happens. (you can't say '****' in Utah)
Atheism says I dont believe this ****!!
03-21-2006, 07:20 AM
#8
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Originally Posted by I am imprezed
So funny but at the same time so racist. Next time you have a thought.......LET IT GO! Not to say that wasn't funny (I thought it was) but because most people can't take a joke, not the best thing to put on a CAR website. Especially when their is kids or people other than white, on this site.
03-21-2006, 07:31 AM
#9
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A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:
Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
fall out of tree, not see.
NO FEE
____________________________________________
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins
to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello."
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it.
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2004 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$60,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up .The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
_____________________________________
How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket!
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!
Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
fall out of tree, not see.
NO FEE
____________________________________________
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins
to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello."
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it.
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2004 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$60,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up .The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
_____________________________________
How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket!
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!
03-21-2006, 11:43 AM
#13
Originally Posted by I am imprezed
So funny but at the same time so racist. Next time you have a thought.......LET IT GO! Not to say that wasn't funny (I thought it was) but because most people can't take a joke, not the best thing to put on a CAR website. Especially when their is kids or people other than white, on this site.