life, a how to
02-06-2007, 08:46 AM
#31
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Sunnyvale, CA
Posts: 22,776
Car Info: '13 BRZ Limited / '02 WRX
Originally Posted by Mr Furniture
Man... I spent my childhood being the nice guy and the statement is the gospel truth cause I got little play in my younger years... I'll be sure to teach my son this lesson early in life... it'll go a little something like this... "Son, listen to me. As soon as you hit puberty you start thinking wit yo dick son. Anything that got to do wit *****es... you think wit yo dick. Don't ever forget it."
02-09-2007, 03:49 PM
#33
VIP Member
Escaped convict
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the home owner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on Top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both.
Be strong honey.
I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey.
I love you, too!"
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the home owner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on Top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both.
Be strong honey.
I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey.
I love you, too!"
02-09-2007, 05:02 PM
#35
Last edited by datboijon; 03-05-2011 at 06:07 PM.
02-15-2007, 03:19 PM
#36
VIP Member
Lawyers Should Never Ask A Mexican Grandma A Question If They Aren't Prepared For The Answer...
During A Trial In A Small Town In South Texas, The Prosecuting Attorney Called His First Witness, An Elderly Mexican Abuelita To The Stand.
He Approached Her And Asked, "senora Sanchez, Do You Know Me?"
She Responded, "si, I Know You Mr. Williams. I Know You Since You Were A Mocoso Chorriado, And Frankly You've Been A Big Disappointment To Me, To Your Family And To Your Community. You Lie, You Cheat On You Wife, And You Manipulate People, And You Think You're A Big Shot When You
Are Nada, Pura Basura. Yes, I Know You Baboso."
The Lawyer Was Stunned, Not Knowing What Else To Do, He Pointed Across The Room And Asked, Mrs. Sanchez, "do You Know The Defense Attorney?"
Again She Replied, "claro Que Si. I've Known Mr. Rodriguez Since He Was A Mocoso Travieso Too. He's A Lazy Puto, And He Has A Drinking Problem. He Can't Keep A Normal Relationship With Nobody, And He Is The Most Pendejo Lawyer In The State. And Not To Mention He Cheated On His Wife With Three Different Putas. One Of Them Was Your Wife! You Member? I Know Mr. Rodriguez; His Mama Is Not Proud Of Him Tambien."
The Defense Attorney Almost Died.
The Judge Then Asked Both Counselors To Approach The Bench, And In A Very Quiet Voice Said, "if Either Of You Cabrones Ask Her If She Knows Me, I'll Send You To The Electric Chair."
During A Trial In A Small Town In South Texas, The Prosecuting Attorney Called His First Witness, An Elderly Mexican Abuelita To The Stand.
He Approached Her And Asked, "senora Sanchez, Do You Know Me?"
She Responded, "si, I Know You Mr. Williams. I Know You Since You Were A Mocoso Chorriado, And Frankly You've Been A Big Disappointment To Me, To Your Family And To Your Community. You Lie, You Cheat On You Wife, And You Manipulate People, And You Think You're A Big Shot When You
Are Nada, Pura Basura. Yes, I Know You Baboso."
The Lawyer Was Stunned, Not Knowing What Else To Do, He Pointed Across The Room And Asked, Mrs. Sanchez, "do You Know The Defense Attorney?"
Again She Replied, "claro Que Si. I've Known Mr. Rodriguez Since He Was A Mocoso Travieso Too. He's A Lazy Puto, And He Has A Drinking Problem. He Can't Keep A Normal Relationship With Nobody, And He Is The Most Pendejo Lawyer In The State. And Not To Mention He Cheated On His Wife With Three Different Putas. One Of Them Was Your Wife! You Member? I Know Mr. Rodriguez; His Mama Is Not Proud Of Him Tambien."
The Defense Attorney Almost Died.
The Judge Then Asked Both Counselors To Approach The Bench, And In A Very Quiet Voice Said, "if Either Of You Cabrones Ask Her If She Knows Me, I'll Send You To The Electric Chair."
02-15-2007, 03:48 PM
#38
Last edited by datboijon; 03-05-2011 at 06:27 PM.
02-15-2007, 04:34 PM
#39
this chik got pwnd
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/274495936.html
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Last edited by datboijon; 03-05-2011 at 06:28 PM.
02-15-2007, 05:06 PM
#40
VIP Member
Originally Posted by datboijon
oh dayum
Yea thats the perfect device to gain leverage over women in the later years.
My best friend, he's roughly 9 years older than me (he's the one who taught me everything I know about life which isn't much lol) had a vasectomy after his 2nd child. The guy is filthy rich since he married into wealth. Anyway he did not tell his wife about it. Turns out 1 year after the vasectomy, his wife sends him the good news and test results that she's pregnant. The following day he serves divorce papers and he gets half of everything they own and the kids stay with her.
I plan on following his footsteps when I have kids.
02-15-2007, 05:14 PM
#41
Originally Posted by datboijon
pnw3d!!! :rotfl:
02-15-2007, 05:59 PM
#42
Originally Posted by datboijon
