this is mario's wife maria. I am writing because you guys seem to be a big iinfluence on mario. well, can you tell him to work on his family as much as he woks on his car. I don't know how many of you are family guys, those of you who are are well aware, i'm sure of the word NEGLECT. I would really appreciate you giving your 2 cents. Or at least teach hi the tricks of the trade when it comes to dealing with car and family. thanx all neglect

 

well i have trouble balancing my work and school....why do i work all the time?? for the car....sometimes we have to sit down and set our priorities straight...i want to pay off my car really really bad over the summer...but then yet again...i really really want some go fast goodies....i hope everything goes well with the situation...i think its within men's nature to get distracted with things of their interest....maybe you should sit down and talk about it? good luck

hugh

 

its in the nature of guys to do it. us guys are into our toys but don't think that Mario doesn't care for his family. i'm sure he does. As for us, i'm sure all of us know that priorities first and our cars are not our first priorities. i'm not married and its a good thing for me now since i'm young but some guys can get caught up but that doesn't mean they're not neglecting.

 

The only input I would offer is that if he's like me (and I know he is), his car and his car friends mean quite a bit to him. I had to express that to my wife, emphasizing that no matter how much I love her and no matter how much time we spend together, my car is now a part of my life, too.

What has evolved now is that we have grown to having an understanding. I have told her that I would give much more of an effort towards spending more time with her, even if it's not quality time; just hanging around each other watching TV. The trade off is that she won't be as upset when I go to the trax.

Realistically, this isn't a perfect solution, but it's a big step in a cooperative direction. There are some nights when she gets pissed when I go to the track, and there are also some nights when I have set aside for spending with her when she actually asks me why I'm not going to the track.

If you, as his wife, feel like he should spend more time with you, then you should tell him (which I know you probably already have) or at least seek some sort of 'middle ground'.

I believe, even in marriage, there is an answer for everthing - to make both partners happy; although the solution might not always be textbook and pretty. As long as both people are willing to compromise, there should be middle ground.

 

AMEN!

I totally understand where Pat is coming from

I'm not married either so I can have some fun with my toys... However that doesn't mean I don't have girlfriend that loves me dearly and wants to spend all her time with me.... I get the occasional "why do you always have to go to the track..." arguement... but in the end there are at most 3 days out of the week where I got to the track (she knows this)...This is primarily to relieve the stress that I have aquired during the week.

I spend every other minute with her (besides when I'm at work) and she also has faced the fact that the car is apart of my life as well... If you love someone you should take the good with the bad and know what he/she has as a hobby. though we may not spend all our time with our partners that doesn't mean that we don't love them any less!

Jon

 

I definitely have an obsessive personality. I get interested in something and I go all out on it ignoring family, health and even **** (imagine that!) and its hard to reel myself in. If I get a new computer game I have to play it 10 hours a day. When I got interested in the Subies that was all I would do all day was look at em, read the messages here, plan out upgrades and more.

I honestly havent really figured out a way to get around this since its part of me and how I am. I do try and realize when I am obsessing and try and pull myself away and spend time with the wife, but to me sitting quietly watching tv with her isnt interacting, but a waste and I could be messing with the car or the computer.

I do like to spend time actually going out doing stuff with her (hard with the newborn now) and like Pat said I dont love her any less eventhough my actions may sometimes speak louder than my words. Who knows what the solution is, everyone has to support their spouses interests, but I do realize there is a limit as well.

Hope you guys figure it out and I need to as well.

 

Ditto.
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Nice to see another womans perspective on this issue. I was going to say we should start a HIIC-Widows support group soon.

When I was playing EQ 24/7 I was fortunate enough to be single at the time, but there were so many people online in the EQ-Widows forums it was amazing. I would read the stories and it honestly helped me stop playing...well that and my computer completely died and I couldnt afford a new one, but thats another story.

 

i try to get into it, don't get me wrong i LOVE cars and i love his car it just seems that everytime there is something going on he DOESN'T want me there. I am a people person i love to meet people but it seems as though he doesn't want me to meet anyone. Last night was a perfect example. I was bored out of my mind and i asked if i could come with him to a party and he said he didn't want me there. So i don't know i do love cars and him but he won't let me get into it. Maria

 

Maria--I don't mind when Mario goes to the track because then i can go to the club it's just when there is an opportunity to meet you all that i would like to be there. I feel like he is trying to hide something from me or that i am holding him back. i don't know my husband anymore and he is on this computer 24/7 my daughter must think its apart of her daddy. So yeah i don't mind i am just tired of being left alone. He can go whenever he wants i feel that he is embarrassed of me because i'm sure you take your ladies to events; right??!?!? I hope you see my point. It is getting rediculous.

 

I wouldnt have brought my wife to the party the other night either. I think it was a sorta goodbye to Greg and I think a good time for the "guy" thing. Whatever the hell that is. I do think drags and meets are good places to bring the gals to. Track days, auto-x and such are long days so I dont think most guys bring their spouses to those. We dont have enough just general meets, need to have some more...

 

That's so funny. My wife, good naturedly, says the same thing and honestly it was my intent originally, to buy the car for her. Funny how plans change.

My wife is just the opposite of you, but I'm the same as Mario. The car; working on it, studyinig about it, window (internet) shopping for it, consumes me. Kathy, on the other hand, doesn't want to have anything to do with the track, and is always shy when it comes to meeting my friends. She's met Lisa and Rebecca, even gotten to know Rebecca, but in her case, I think being pregnant made her not want to do anything.

 

My significant other almost left me a handful of times since I've owned my WRX. I blame myself for it, I forgot what my priorities were and I neglected her feelings.

Luckily, she is very understanding and has a lot of patience; she redirected me to my priorities. She even reads the i-club forums every now and then and finds some of the posts very humorous.

I am still trying to balance time with researching the net, installs, school, and spending time with my fianc'e and family. Fortunatley, she understood my new interests and met me halfway; she is very supportive and even learned some suby tech lingos.

It is only fair that I too meet her halfway since she had done so for me. After all, I can always replace my WRX, but she is one of a kind.

 

Well, as far as bringing you out to meet everyone Maria, .... I'll be sure to give him a bunch of **** about it next time I see him.
I'm sure some others will as well.
EVERY (ok, Almost Every) gathering we have is OPEN to everyone. Family, children, friends, whoever!