From Craig's List "Best Of"





Please, just hold me...

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Reply to: see below
Date: Thu Jun 05 13:49:03 2003


One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT?!" So she says the words that I and every other husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I'm not in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realized nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.

The next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three. She then tells me she needs matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say, "OK."

And then we go to the Jewelry department, where she gets a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you - she was so excited! She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her it was OK.

She was sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now."

You should have seen her face - it went completely blank. Then I said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Just when she had a look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."

 

Here's another one for cat lovers:


I want to kill my cat.

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Reply to: anon-12464918@craigslist.org
Date: 2003-06-16, 2:42AM


this cat is old. it has lost it's meaning in life. I don't want to be cruel, but I believe it's in the best interest of everybody concerned. It's not just because it's my ex wifes cat. The thing is like a doorstep. It sits in front of my door and waits to be fed. so we feed the damned thing! but still, the mother****er just pukes it right back up, hairballs and everything (or maybe its ****, but I cant tell). My dog can't get enough, the beast wants nothing more than to come up on the porch and swallow the lot of it. So, of course I have to reprimand him (nicely). My mother is completely stressed about the whole thing, yet she's way too nice of a person to even think about what has to be done. My point is, that the cat is to old. I'm thinking about making the solution my problem. Does anyone know the best way to kill a cat? Seriously. I don't mean to be cruel, but I do believe that there is a better place for cats.

 

Personally I've always wondered what a cat stuck in a vaccuum cleaner actually sounds like


(The Simpsons go to Japan...)
Lisa > And look, there's the Hello Kitty factory
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