I'm looking for that fake list of outrageous accomplishments that was floating around the internet a while ago. You know the one that goes something like this:

I travel to africa to tend to injured wombats,
I have performed more acts of good faith than the pope,
I am considered by many to be the best looking person they have ever seen,
I am so good at swimming that I am no longer allowed to compete,

you know it sounded way better than that but you get the idea, first person to hook it up gets a a bottle of the new STi cologne.