WTF!?

 

Dood, at work we have a shared restroom with a seperate company, completely different entity than ours. Those guys never wash their hands and never use *** gaskets. Man, totally disgusting. I can't imagine how they don't get sick - even though one guy looks extremely sick all the time. He's also the same guy that mean mugs me in his silver NSX.

Then there are the guys with straight up terrible intestinal and digestive problems. There have been several occassions where some guy just runs in, slams the door behind him, unbuckles, and *** plants. Then he let's his bowels go out of control and I can just hear it smashing into the porcelaine as the guy is gasping for breathe. You would think the guy would learn not to eat that crap the next time for lunch. Could possibly be the same guy that never washes his hands. Dirty.

 

This thread had me rollin!

 

BR ftw

 

you forgot the loud *** "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" sigh of relief after :rotfl:

 

why do people leave the toilet seat down in a mens bathroom? if your gonna deuce than put it down and put it back up when youre done...for the tards who didnt learn how to aim in first grade.

 

This is definitely WTLY, but always a classic:

Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work/School:

ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a
sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you
release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee): When forcing
poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not
panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant he nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very
uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be
avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work or school and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN): A group of people who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident.
This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVEN: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are
predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most
shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This
way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all
doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee.
Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or
sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the
bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom,
leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

CRACK *****: A crapper that has seen more *** than a Greyhound Bus. Tell tale signs of a CRACK ***** include pubes, **** stains and **** streaks. Avoid a CRACK ****** at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget with a good cleaning, a CRACK ***** can become a SAFE HAVEN.

 

Yeah I've witnessed Matt rip some nasty ones unfortunately. I think he has a tuba band stuck up there some where.

 

theres a guy at my work who has his fingernail clippers in his pocket and is always clipping himself. He always rolls up his sleeves and bends his arm around as if he is inspecting it as he picks the little bumps off.

i guess hes a grooming freak