Anyone on here gone through a divorce?
07-07-2014, 09:11 AM
#1
Registered User
Thread Starter
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: California
Posts: 353
Car Info: 2005 STi
Anyone on here gone through a divorce?
I've knew with his lady since I was in high school, married with a5 year old daughter. We've been together for 10 years now but it seems like it might be coming to an end ( not my decision ). I can't stop thinking if certain things mainly my daughter who is caught in the middle.. Mad at my wife for feeling this way and taking it so lightly. I feel robbed of a family and family moments because of her.. It's just hard. A really ****ed up situation.. I can write for ever and ever but I don't see the need to.. Just hurts thinking about being on my own again (just being straight foward).. Anyone gone through a similar situation? How you deal with it? I feel like if I leave, my daughter will loose out on a "real" family. My parents broke up and although my mom got together with anothe man it was never the same.. So that's what gets me all hurt. That she might go through this too. I can't picture another man in the house I purchased with my wife.. Another man talking to my daughter.. I go crazy thinkin about things like these.. Silly me I guess.
Last edited by CBSubie; 07-07-2014 at 09:15 AM.
07-07-2014, 10:09 AM
#2
Get an attorney.... You never know what her motivations are and it gets real ugly real quick when it comes to custody battles.
As for your 5 year old. Have the attorney work into the paperwork that all THREE of you have to go to family counseling together once this is over.
I was never a fan or a believer in the head shrinks until recently. I am a firm believer in them now. You just have to find a good one. I can pm you a name if need be.
As for your 5 year old. Have the attorney work into the paperwork that all THREE of you have to go to family counseling together once this is over.
I was never a fan or a believer in the head shrinks until recently. I am a firm believer in them now. You just have to find a good one. I can pm you a name if need be.
07-07-2014, 10:47 AM
#3
Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: San Leandro, CA
Posts: 3,856
Car Info: Forester XTi
Get a lawyer NOW. Not tomorrow, not next week, TODAY. You need to close down any joint credit cards, any joint accounts, make sure your money is going into an account that is YOURS alone. Sit down with said lawyer and talk about a meeting between hers and yours to work out an amicable agreement.
Trust me on this, do not hesitate, do not feel remorse, because she won't and she will use any lie, any words she can to take you to the cleaner. Ive watched it happen time, and time again. Once you have her taken care of you can make sure your daughter is safe and happy, but your no good to her tell you get your head on right so, listen to me ok?
Trust me on this, do not hesitate, do not feel remorse, because she won't and she will use any lie, any words she can to take you to the cleaner. Ive watched it happen time, and time again. Once you have her taken care of you can make sure your daughter is safe and happy, but your no good to her tell you get your head on right so, listen to me ok?
07-07-2014, 10:50 AM
#4
Old School
iTrader: (6)
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Union City
Posts: 14,983
Car Info: '99 RBP GM6
I've knew with his lady since I was in high school, married with a5 year old daughter. We've been together for 10 years now but it seems like it might be coming to an end ( not my decision ). I can't stop thinking if certain things mainly my daughter who is caught in the middle.. Mad at my wife for feeling this way and taking it so lightly. I feel robbed of a family and family moments because of her.. It's just hard. A really ****ed up situation.. I can write for ever and ever but I don't see the need to.. Just hurts thinking about being on my own again (just being straight foward).. Anyone gone through a similar situation? How you deal with it? I feel like if I leave, my daughter will loose out on a "real" family. My parents broke up and although my mom got together with anothe man it was never the same.. So that's what gets me all hurt. That she might go through this too. I can't picture another man in the house I purchased with my wife.. Another man talking to my daughter.. I go crazy thinkin about things like these.. Silly me I guess.
Top 10: Mistakes Men Make In Divorce - AskMen
Fathers Rights Attorneys & Men's Rights in a Divorce
07-07-2014, 10:51 AM
#5
Registered User
iTrader: (7)
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: The Bay Area
Posts: 2,572
Car Info: 2006 STI
Get an attorney.... You never know what her motivations are and it gets real ugly real quick when it comes to custody battles.
As for your 5 year old. Have the attorney work into the paperwork that all THREE of you have to go to family counseling together once this is over.
I was never a fan or a believer in the head shrinks until recently. I am a firm believer in them now. You just have to find a good one. I can pm you a name if need be.
As for your 5 year old. Have the attorney work into the paperwork that all THREE of you have to go to family counseling together once this is over.
I was never a fan or a believer in the head shrinks until recently. I am a firm believer in them now. You just have to find a good one. I can pm you a name if need be.
Kids can be more understanding that we give them credit for. be honest and open with her about what is going on, just break it down to kid level.
I hope you and your wife/ex can figure and work things out.
Sorry you are going through this man.
07-07-2014, 11:20 AM
#6
Registered User
Thread Starter
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: California
Posts: 353
Car Info: 2005 STi
I've never been so heart broken guys. It's so hard to come to terms with all this. I blame myself... People sometime forget what they have. I never cheated or was a drug user but I'm sure there was things I could have changed about myself.. She says maybe in the future if were meant to be together, we'll reunite... Hearing her say that crushes me. I guess I just need get over the hump (move one).. It's the hardest part though. Thinking of all the things I'm going to miss out on.. The things my daughter is going to miss out on. Having to start over again.. Have my daughter see that.. Ahhhhh there just sooo many things running through my head.. I've never cried like this man.. Never expected this either..
07-07-2014, 02:16 PM
#9
Old School
iTrader: (6)
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Union City
Posts: 14,983
Car Info: '99 RBP GM6
I've never been so heart broken guys. It's so hard to come to terms with all this. I blame myself... People sometime forget what they have. I never cheated or was a drug user but I'm sure there was things I could have changed about myself.. She says maybe in the future if were meant to be together, we'll reunite... Hearing her say that crushes me. I guess I just need get over the hump (move one).. It's the hardest part though. Thinking of all the things I'm going to miss out on.. The things my daughter is going to miss out on. Having to start over again.. Have my daughter see that.. Ahhhhh there just sooo many things running through my head.. I've never cried like this man.. Never expected this either..
07-07-2014, 04:03 PM
#12
iTrader: (12)
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: In Mother Russia...
Posts: 4,024
Car Info: ...zeh car drives you!
Your end result will depend on how good of a divorce lawyer you can afford. Your process will 100% depend on how cooperative or vindictive your spouse chooses to be. Family/divorce laws are heavily (if not entirely) biased towards women/mothers. It is crucial the any settlements and rights are correctly structured first time around...because they are even more expensive to alter after the fact.
Leave emotions out of this and focus on objective facts (yes, I realize how difficult that will be). Anything and everything subjective and emotional will be used against you in the court of law (especially if a women gets vindictive).
I have family friends that ended up going to jail after the counts refused to renegotiate their alimony/child support monthly payments due to economic hardships. In one case, the guy lost his high paying job when company downsized and eventually had take a much lower paying one. The judge didn't see this as a legitimate reason to lower the ex-wife's/child's expected standard of living. The guy ran out of money, defaulted on payments and went to jail...except child support keeps accruing with interest and penalties when a person is incarcerated. Once he got out, he had an even bigger bill, but now he could not even get a burger flipping job.
In summary, I am sorry you have to go through this. This **** royally sucks. Good luck.
Leave emotions out of this and focus on objective facts (yes, I realize how difficult that will be). Anything and everything subjective and emotional will be used against you in the court of law (especially if a women gets vindictive).
I have family friends that ended up going to jail after the counts refused to renegotiate their alimony/child support monthly payments due to economic hardships. In one case, the guy lost his high paying job when company downsized and eventually had take a much lower paying one. The judge didn't see this as a legitimate reason to lower the ex-wife's/child's expected standard of living. The guy ran out of money, defaulted on payments and went to jail...except child support keeps accruing with interest and penalties when a person is incarcerated. Once he got out, he had an even bigger bill, but now he could not even get a burger flipping job.
In summary, I am sorry you have to go through this. This **** royally sucks. Good luck.
07-07-2014, 04:28 PM
#14
Registered User
iTrader: (4)
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: SJ
Posts: 2,644
Car Info: 94 Integra beater: one Slow 3 Series RIP EvoX
I am very sorry to hear about your situation. Keep your head up and look forward to the moments YOU will have with your daughter and the future may not be as bleak as you imagined. Best of luck with everything.
07-07-2014, 04:51 PM
#15
previously known as wrxBRAH
iTrader: (17)
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: San Jose / Campbell
Posts: 3,383
Car Info: 2004 FXT
As someone who's slated to get married next year, this is what I fear the most. Lot harder to get over a relationship when there are kids/finances involved. I'm sorry this is happening to you. 